518. Don't use monowire as dental fluss.

519. The target isn't dead unless you saw the body.
520. ...and had it DNA scanned.
521. ...and the astral signature matched.
522. ...and you can verify it at least 2 other ways.
523. ...and you broke it down to its component particles.

524. Do not call the troll horny.
525. Unless your suicidal.
526. Your mage's initiation into a fraternal order will not involve paddles.
527. Nor streaking.
528. Nor any other form of hazing.
529. No you cannot become a Chuck Norris Shaman.
530. No you cannot make a troll special ops agent.

BTW, thanks to nezumi's quoteless quote, we're off-track. The next item should be 583.

Curses, my drop bear plot has been foiled again.

583. No, you can't be Wolverine.
584. Or Riddick.
585. Or any other needlessly badass toughguys.
586. Even if you're a troll.

I'm Batman.

Well I'm Spartacus!

No, No, I am Spartacus!

I'm Brian and so's my wife!

587. I win the Shadowrun and I don't care who you are.
588. I ALWAYS win the Shadowrun.
589. Even if any other rules say I don't.
590. Especially if they say I don't.
591. I ALWAYS win the Shadowrun.
592. By doing what I want to do.
593. Even if the other rules say I can't.
594. Especially if the other rules say I can't.
595. I ALWAYS win the Shadowrun.
596. If the Johnson says I lose, I WIN instead.
597. If the Johnson says I'm out of the game, he is DEAD and I'm still in the game.
598. If anyone else wants me out of the game, he is DEAD and I'm still in the game.
599. If God thinks I should lose the Shadowrun, I'd change my mind.
600. I ALWAYS WIN THE SHADOWRUN.

wait....the list JUMPED from 569???? what am I missing?

Eventually, people just stopped trying to be sequential.

Never ask you Mr. Johnson for his business card just in case you run into a bit of trouble and need to contact him.

Ah, thanks. Once I get my MSWord working again, I can update the list.

on 9-18 but now what am I going to wear to the costume party?

on 71 The word is decoy.

583. There are elite hit squads designed to hunt down; Chuck Norris, Rambo, and James Bond Posers.

584. When describing your PC, his family, or contacts do not refer to them as being "Just like so and so in such and such movie."

OK, there are a lot of gaps in the list, so on my personal copy, I'm going to re-number them to fit.

*REZ BUMP*

Ravor... you could have at least added to the list.

Naw, I'm not that funny.

Heh, I forgot about this thread. In fact, I started rereading it, was impressed by one poster's comedic genius, and discovered it was me.

From actual games:
584) Bribing the group's cyberdoc to install cranial bombs in the heads of the other PCs "just in case" is considered bad form, and may cause friction in the long run.
585) Never, ever, ever take the bus to a run. It doesn't matter where you're going or what you'll face when you get there, the people and things inhabiting the bus will be infinitely stranger and more dangerous.
586) Museum collections house more horrors then the Renraku Arcology.
587) No runner has ever gone to a Stuffer Shack without at least a minor shootout. Order in.
588) Before banging an Ork chick, turn your cybereyes to thermographic only.

589) Troll chicks too
590) and ghouls

591) ...and shapechangers - at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

592) If, by some miracle, you DO bag a catgirl, it's considered polite to tape it for your fellow runners.
593) But don't let her find out.

I can't count the number of times my GM has pulled that one on my characters...

...apparently only shapechangers and tranvestites go to bars and clubs anymore.

I didn't know she was a sheepshifter [sic], I swear!

594. No matter how high his Agility and Reaction are, no convincing the arrogant elf to juggle grenades.
595. ...unless he really deserves it.
596. ...and you're willing to share the prize money from "UCAS's Funniest Home Trideos!"
597. No matter how high his Impact armor is, you cannot launch the dwarf covert ops specialist over the fence via catapult.
598. Astral rifts are not there for your amusement.
599. ...so no throwing grenades, cars or annoying PCs through them.
600. There is to be no more singing of the Transformers theme around the rigger.
601. ...or anyone else, for that matter.
602. ...yes, they will have permission to shoot you for doing so.
603. No matter how human he's trying to act, there will be no giving glasses of water to a free anima fire spirit.
604. ...or anything over 100 proof, for that matter.
605. ...even if it's cool to watch him breathe fireballs.
606. ...he can do that normally.
607. In a similar vein, there will be no giving free anima water spirits cigarettes.
608. ...or anything else that has to be lit on fire and smoked.

609. I don't care that you took 21st century movies as a knowledge skill, asking the Johnson if he is "talking to you" over and over again will lose you the job for being unprofessional.

610. Telling him his female ork bodyguard's chest probably feels like "two bags of sand" will lose you the job and get your jaw broken.

611. Repeatedly yelling red rum while running through a firefight is going to get you killed. No, I don't need you to roll for it. Screw you, it's irritating.

612. If you name your rigger "skid," you lose all rights to being upset when he earns the nickname "skid mark" for crashing the car during an escape attempt.

613. "It'll be easy" are not the scariest words in the English language. Hearing your elf mage who is trying to summon a great form spirit as your primary combat option say "whoops, well... that's no good" are easily the scariest words in the English language.

614. Seriously. 21st century movie knowledge or not, if you repeatedly accuse the troll street sam of "killing your father," he will not care that your name is Inigo Montoya. He will squeeze your itty bitty head until it pops.

615. Medicine cabinets are bad places to keep spare tubes of explosive putty.
616. Likewise, keeping the can of explosive foam next to the shaving cream can only end badly.
617. If the weapon is capable of shooting through an engine block, it is forbidden.
618. ...especially if the round can continue through the person hiding behind the engine block.
619. ...and the wall behind her.
620. Disarming someone means taking their weapons away. It does not mean "cut off their forearms."
621. ...unless they have cyberweapons. Then all bets are off.
622. Implanting a C-12 bomb into the S-K wageslave that just failed miserably won't do anything more than give Lofwyr heartburn and maybe some indigestion.
623. ...so don't try it, unless you're willing to do your best impression of an antacid tablet.

624. No, you absolutely cannot play an Elvish adept with nerve strike named Spock. Why? Because it's sad, that's why.

625. ...no, you also can't play a human aspected magician named Guybrush Threepwood, especially because of your desire to have a familiar manifested as a skull named 'Murray.'



...god I wish I was making these up.

626. If you can recite, in detail, the exact amounts, dispositions, and storage of your character's arsenal of weaponry, which includes two of everything you could buy at chargen, but cannot tell me his favorite flavor of water-ice, his favorite trideo sit-com, or where he bathes (as his bathtub is jammed full of heavy artilliery), he is vetoed.
627. Yes, Elf nymphos are a valid character choice, and yes, we will accept them. However, it will not make you more likely to get more money from Mr. Johnson, so please stop giving him a lap-dance.
628. In the interest of preserving the spirit of Shadowrun, the DM will not prevent your character from scheming against the other players. However, in the interest of preserving his friendship with the others, if you are caught, he will probably not invite you back once the others are done with your former character.
629. No matter how advanced your Pilot program is, you may not use the Rigger 3 rules to build an Astromech droid!
630. However, if you have a Technomancer sufficiently skilled enough, yes, you may build a utility drone and implant a Task Sprite in it.
631. Yes, you may train it to only communicate in expressive beeps and whistles! No, that does not mean you can understand exactly what it means because you're it's master.
632. Under no circumstances may you design and build an anthroform drone which is equipped to use any ranged weapon and refers to metahumanity (collectively) as "Meatbag".
633. If you insist, you may, but Saeder-Krupp will probably cruse you for infringing on their design.

634. No, you can't play a dwarf adept with a green pigment named Yoda.

635. No, you can't play a dwarf adept with enhanced jumping abilities named Kermit who uses singing as a centering technique. I do not need to hear "It's not easy being green" every time you jump into combat.

636. ...a were-eagle? Who is blue, named Sam? ...Yeah, ok.

637. No matter what the rules say, I can't trick insect spirits into juggling bug bombs.
638. No matter how well I roll, a troll will never fit through an air duct.
639. No trying to hire Mr. Johnson when he's hiring you.
640. On second thought, a Chaos mage with the trickster mentor spirit is a bad idea.