"I've got Afro... Afro PANTS"
Troll player answer how he looks like

Me (GM) "Wendigo attacks you. Declare your actions"
Player "I attack him with my drill" (He killed that wendigo)

I love this one from the quotefile:

Player 1: Why does your character live in the Barrons?

Player 2: To offer free medical care to the gangs of the area.

Player 1: Isn't that dangerous?

Player 2: Only to those who would mess with the free magical medical care of 6 sprawl gangs.

because it reminded me of an event in my own game. My character had always had the whole "Local boy makes good" attitude, and poured a lot of nuyen back into the Barrens, which made him reaonsably popular. Faced down by an Aztec assassin with an ego the size of Aztlan, the exchange went something like:

Azzie: Do you have any smart comments to make before you die?

Me: Yeah, I'll send flowers.

Azzie: You can't send flowers to your own funeral.

Me: I know.

About a dozen wizgangers who had seen the situation while driving by: badda-badda FOOM FOOM WHOOOOSH

Not exactly a SR quote, but related and I had to share. This literally just happened:

Wife: I'm tidying the house today

Me: Stay out of Cyberspace (the room of the house with the computers in it)

Wife: Hmm...

Me: (gestures at door) Force 12 Ward!

10 yr old daughter arrives at exactly that moment, looks affronted and shouts "I am not a force 12 ward!"

Naturally we folded. She has no idea what was so funny

Shortbow, female ork physad to nervous NPC rigger - "Don't worry, we're professionals. It's our job to risk other people's lives."

Ok, this is from my first ever Shadowrun session.
I was playing a cybered and bioed up Orc (Body 12 odd, Str 10, Quick 9) with martial arts cyber implanted Dikoted Spurs.

I'd arrived a bit late to the session, and had the run summed up by the party. Basically, we'd been hired to transport a tanker of water (Where else but in Australia do you get Water Smugglers?), and we'd hit a mafia roadblock, I came in right after the firefight had started.

Me: Ok, whats the situation?
DM&Players: Tanker is squashed between the curb and the Rigger's van, you're in the passenger seat. The road is blocked and there's guys outside with Uzis
Me: So I can't get out my door?
DM: Nope
Me: Better smash through the windscreen then
Rigger (in drivers seat): NO!! I'm Photosensitive!! I'll burn!!
Me: Ok, I jump through the back of the van and tear the door off so I can get out
DM: Ok, your outside
Me: I charge the nearest guy and tear his head off
DM: Ok
*Dice rolling, mafia dude takes about 16 D wounds*
Me: Huzzah, my first Shadowrun kill. So, where's the rest of the party?
DM: Mage in the truck, rigger in the van, gun nut in the truck.
Me:..... So I'm the only one outside a vehicle, standing in the middle of the road, in full view of five guys with Uzis?.....
DM: Yep

Of course, one manaball and a pistol shot later and they were all dead, but still...

Bones (human face) after the fourth run in a row where all his teammates had been orks: "One more run with you guys and i'll attach tusks in my mouth, stop washing me and start talking like a ever-hot sexgod".

Characters were planning on infiltrating St. Margarite's School for Girls for some intel, and part of the plan involved two characters posing as a married couple who wanted to enroll their daughter. Only they got into such a heated argument over how to do the run that one of them finally said to the other, "Look, I just don't think this marriage is going to work..."

This one takes a bit of setup. One of my PC's had a level 3 friend that was a Simsense starlet. She managed to get the group invitations to a New Years Eve bash in NY at the Fuchi Towers. (This was pre 9-11). A group of terrorists (Think Die Hard, but "REAL Terrorists) take control of the ball room where the party was at. The only character paranoid enough (and lucky enough that I blew my perception/detection roles) that had a gun was the infamous Giggles. Sitting at the same table as the runners at the time was a famous action sim star as well. When the Fuchi FRT team stormed the ball room the Action Sim star dive under his table and Giggles jumps up and plugs 2 guys holding folks as human shields. After the action ended Giggles looks at the Sim star looking in awe back at him so what does he do.
He grabs a napkin, autographs it and tosses it back to the star. That to this day was the coolest fing thing I've ever seen one of my players do. Legendary.

We had a goofy player who decided while playing that he was going to turn his Archtype ex NAN warrior into a street doc in the Barrens. (He then became known as The Butcher.) I tell him his fixer is calling him. He replies that his secretary answers the phone. One of my players pipes up with "You mean the bag lady answers the 1 pay phone in the hood that ain't been ganked"
That was so funny I made it true.

Another one from my Orc, part quote, part sadistic DM

We've been raiding a compound for a blood sample from a genetically engineered sheep.

My Orc has been in hand to hand combat with an Earth Elemental for a bit, neither of us could hurt the other.

DM: The window of the building above you opens, does you and your gear wight more or less than 300 lbs?
Me: Less
DM: make a magic resistance roll
Me: I fail
DM: You start floating up into the air
Me: Can I turn in the air?
DM: No
Me: I firebackwards over my shoudler at the window
DM: You gotta be kidding
*Rolls many successes, hits TN of about 19*
DM: Holy shit, what ammo were you using?
Me: Explosive..
DM: The window blows out... but you're still levitating. You're now heading towards the fence
Me: Ok, thats not so bad, the mage is throwing me out. But the explosives are already set, hope we made enough of a diversion for the mage to sneak in...
DM: You see a monofilament wire mesh rise up out of the top of the fence
Me: ... You have got to be fucking kidding!

One karmic re-roll and a Serious wound later I'm on the ground outside crawling through the bushes and puring bleach over my own blood trail. (hooray for having a severe allergy to bleach, try using *that* blood for anything!!)

This is classic

Phone call between two player characters...

"Hey, we got a job ("babysitting a government official's family), we'll be waiting for you at the usual place."
"How much does it pay?"
"Does it matter?"
"Not really, should I bring my new noisemaker? (SOTA Panther Cannon)"
"Yeah we'll probably need it, and see if you can pick up a Monopoly board."

it was all said in character, with straight faces and those calm even voices Runners like to use to make sure they're being discreet and inconspicuous, I was laughin so hard I had to take a call of nature break and couldn't resist giving them Karma awards for Humor, Staying in Character, and Not Drawing Attention.

Wake the junkie rigger is in his car on a stakeout in a realy rough part of town. Troughout the night, I (the GM) have been making him witness violent gangers cruising around, doomsday preachers banging on his window and a guy get mauled and eaten by *something*. So he's pretty tense.

So Wake calls another shadowrunner on his team for a status update on his situation. They're chatting about whatever, when Wake distractedly looks out his side window. He sees a little 8 year old girl in a pretty dress standing right outside his window. The rest goes like so:

Wake: Hold on man, there's a girl outside my window
Underworld (other runner): Huh?
Wake: Yeah... a little girl...
GM: The little girl smiles at you, revealing a mouthful of 8-inch dagger sharp teeth
Wake: *eyes bulge out of his head*
Underworld: Hello?

Wake: Don't hang up, I don't want to die alone
Underworld: *hangs up*

I laughed so hard at that line! It's even funnier cause he said it in a little scared voice, and then the other player actually says "I hang up". Ahh, team cohesion!

Our best one was,

We were on a GMC banshee, traveling low and fast to avoid radar detection, when the pilot was ripped out of the cockpit by an air elemental.......

Dowyen: 'shit what was that?'

Attilius: '?'

Dowyen: 'were going down...fast!'

Attilius: 'adopt the brace position'

Dowyen: ' whats that?'

Attilius: ' put ya head between ya legs and kiss your ass goodby!'

Dowyen: 'shit'

Attilius: 'yep'

Was funny as hell!

torz x

CrackSkull, Trencher and BlueStone hiding in a warehouse, spying on some gangers inside.

BlueStone: I'll go closer for a better look *rolls and fails a stealth test*
DM: The gangers hear a noise "What was dat?"
Crackskull and trencher:" uh...Meow?"



Also....

Ganger facing Crackskull: I got a bigger gun then you.
Crackskull: oh yeah?
Ganger: Yeah
Crackskull: But you're missing the point
Ganger: What's that?
Crackskull: I gotta friend

Trencher rounds the corner, guns ablazin'

An utterance by our team during perhaps the most polite kidnapping attempt ever.

Meatball, the face/pistolero, with two blindfolded suits in the backseat: "Hey, we should get some drive-through..."

Hennrick, the Obeyifa, slaps his forehead.

Amusing interrogation session -

Angel (raccoon shaman) with two others and Str 2 decides she wants to intimidate a poor ganger they're trying to get info from. Well, she doesn't have Interrogation, OR Intimidate. So she decides to do something spectacular. So she casts Levitate subtlely, then picks up the guy by his ankle (he was hogtied...ouch #1) and dangles him off the roof.

NPC's reaction: he starts to whimper.

Angel then decides to hop onto the ledge in her heels and starts doing cartwheels WHILE HOLDING THE GANGER OVER THE EDGE.

NPC's reaction: he soils himself. badly. Perception check for Angel and she doesn't notice, while the other two runners do. Before they have a chance to tell her, she decides to take it up a notch.

Angel says "My arm is getting tired..." and flips the hogtied whimpering ganger up into the air and catches him with her other arm. The other two runners are now sprayed with miscellaneous fluids from the spinning ganger...one dodges, the other doesn't.

At this point the two runners draw Angel's attention to the fact that she's broken him pretty completely... they get their info, then she uses levitate on herself and jumps down onto a railing on route to ground level.

After the session broke up, I called this the "Ganger Yo-Yo effect" and started wondering what would have happened if she had started doing Around the World or Walk the Dog... Angel got karma points for humor (I was in stitches!)

One quote I've heard (and said) more times and situations than I care to remember:

"Oops"

It fills so many siituations:

• What the Troll says when he accidently break's the extraction target's neck after attempting to gently knock him unconcious
• What the B/E guy says when he inadvertantly drops the priceless chip we just stole into the river.
• What the Decker mumbles just before his brain turns to sludge.
• What the Toll says as he rips the door handle off of the Face's brand new sports car while attempting toget in.
• What the Troll says when he applies the wrong patch from the med-kit to the wounded Sammy's neck.

What do you mean, 'not much of a film'? It's a classic!

Of course, the book is even better.

Okies, here are a few fun ones: (not all SR) Will try to rem more.

Player: Um, what do I roll to see what I roll?

________________________

Once you go troll, you'll never go back. (yes, this was a sexual referance)
________________________

(durring the harlequin run where the YET and the poser elfs are in a big firefight)
Player: (stands) THERE WAS A FIRE FIGHT!!!! (see Boondock saints)

________________________

Player: Umm, I need a ritual link. Hey, roll a d4 and tell me if its a four.
GM: Umm, okay, (rolls)it is.
Player: K, she's on her period. I'm turnning into a snake, slithering into the sewer, and waiting for something to get flushed.
All: ..................
Player: What?

________________________

GM: Okay, your in the sewer outside the meeting. You've taken out the guards, but the door it locked.
Snake Shaman: (Turnning to the sammy) Open the door.
Sammy: okay
GM: You can't, the barrier rating is to high
Snake: How high?
GM: like a 20
Snake:(Grumbles) Fine, (turns to sammy) punch through the wall.
GM: You Can't!
Snake: It's a sewer.
GM: (shakes head) Crap.

________________________

see signature

So we're trying to explain to the (human) mage that fox shapeshifters, no matter how pretty the human form looks, no matter how socially skilled they are, are still animals and don't quite think like metahumanity.

Mage: "Just because she was born a fox, doesn't mean she isn't human."
Ork Adept: "Well, actually it kinda does..."


A classic argument between the team and the ghoul: (repeated many times)

Ghoul: "I can't believe you did that! That's sick." (or some variation)
Team: "You eat people!"

ok I only have a few I can think about off the top of my head but here they are.


before the team enters the compound rofellous reminds the team not to forget the names on the fake Id's they just dropped 1000 a piece on

corp wage slave blocking the door. "hmmm do you have any Id sir?"
Rofellous "yep right here." Hands her Id card with Jesus Ohgod as the name.
corp wage slave "so whats your name"
Rofellous "Rofellous!.......DAMNIT!*slaps himself in the forehead ooc* DAMN! DAMN! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Falls to the ground infront of her screaming like a mad man. He quickly recovers and stand up fixing his tie
"can we start over"
"no sir"
"fine be that way...but this pen is mine."
He grabs the been and shoots her the eye before him and the team is ejected from the building by trolls with spas-22's and heavy sec armor.

Moral is, no matter how much chrisma the daisy eater has. hes still a idiot

I thought of another one.

Face/physad : (Goes up to a hooker, assenses to check for disease, she seems clean) "Um, is my **** going to fall off if I sleep with you?" SLAP! (hooker walks away crying.)

I had to reach through the way-back machine for this one...

The team got 100k in advance for supplies and expenses for a BIG run, and was looking to hire an ork sammie and troll mercenary for a little fire support. Orpheus (combat mage elf) was the best looking and had the highest negotiation skill, so he got to negotiate.

Ork: "So how much are you offering?"
Troll: "Yeah, we don't works cheap. I need to buy more gunses."
Orpheus: "How does 50k a piece sound?"
Ork and Troll in unison: "Deal!"
Team: "...crap."

There is a saying in our group now:
"Never let elves handle money."

Barrier Adept Twins? No, sadly. Might've been a day I had Festival stuff.

For the summer... Depends. If I'm still at my current job, around then I'll probably start taking weekends off (in preparation for Festival).

When we had to get a mask, and it was in one of two safes. Both had a guy keeping a high level barrier up to protect some old mask. The first one was empty, even though the guy was sitting there holding the spell. The snake shaman was pissed.

Needles (My somewhat shellshocked former mercenary) laid a bunch of land mines in his front and back yards because he's more than a little messed up in the head. Here's a conversation that ensued when the group was forced to stay at his house:

Needles: You might want to watch where you step. The front and back yards are both mined. There's more than a few Malay Mancatchers out there, too.

Nikki (Techie/Rigger): Are you slotting me?

Needles: No. In fact, I change their positions around every couple of days. Keeps people on their toes.

Nikki: Doesen't take take up a lot of your time?

Needles: Yeah. Sometimes I stay up all night working on it. I try to make the patterns random, so that way people won't just avoid them.

Nikki:...uhh, do you seriously do that? You'd have to be the craziest son of a bitch on the face of the planet to do that.

Needles: You really want to find out?

Nikki: No, not particularly.

Needles: Then I'd suggest you step exactly where I do. And don't look down.


The next day, everyone scraped together money to get their own places.

ROFL! Lina - there's an example for how you want your farm to be...

LOL! The sad thing is there are a lot of people who do that IRL. I'm paranoid... but damn.

Yeah, that one was precious. He had another story about his dog named Duke and an infortunate incident playing frizbee in the back yard...

Did they lose the frizbee?

I'm not sure anyone would volunteer for frisby duty after that.

Hell of a code word for minefield though, isn't it?

Ni Hi, the dwarf

Say it out loud if you don't get the joke

Nigh Hee?

reverse the I and the E sound there pal.

"" DIE YOU FRAGGERS""

and then some one dies usually.

When casing a target in a hotel, we saw him pick up one of the maids. "Looks like he's getting room servicing."

After two of the teams gunguys made the most horrid racket by starting the engine of an abandoned ship, and then risking the lives of all of us by playing merry hell with the fuel-lines to make it stop.

(my character): It was the BIG GREEN BUTTON on the engine room control panels, what did you think it'd do?
Ork Sammie: I'm colorblind! I didn't know it was green.

Needless to say I was sort of relieved when he died later on that run, it's good to see the universe paying back.

As I have already stated over 10 trillion times, I am never ironic in anything I say.
Ever.