Tonight's session.

Scenario: We are on our way to the meet with a new Johnson. Sadly, Suprasun's directions managed to get us lost. He managed to find four roads that don't exist on his map.

Soycaf (Elven sammy with rigging gear): Guys, I'm asking directions. (Pulls over beside a Lonestar cop.)

Lonestar Cop: (Goes wide-eyed as he sees a street sammy with over 500,000 of illegal cyberwear and a fully automatic assault rifle on her back lean out the window of a van.) May I help you?

Soycaf: Yes. I'm looking for directions to the Novahigh Apartments. Could you tell me how to get there?"

Lonstar: Sure. Go two blocks up, take a right. You can't miss it.

Soycaf: You are so nice. Thanks.

Bob (as we turn around the corner): Are you fragged?!? He's going to have a whole SWAT team there!

Soycaf: Good for him. Our meet is one block east of there.

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Scenario: Actually at the meet.

Johnson (holding up a photograph): And this is the guy I want you to kidnap. I can give you all of the information you need to catch him.

Bob: Say, isn't that the Johnson you killed last week?

Me: Yes, I think it is.

Soycaf: Great. Another mission you fragged by killing the target.

*chuckle* From tonights meet:

We were talking about winches, and I swear it sounded like he was talking about wenches...so of course things got out of hand.

"I haven't rolled enough successes for a wench yet" and "I've consulted the wench capacity table" were two of the most priceless.

Situation: Radio shock jock, armed to the teeth, with "Distinctive Style" flaw (talks like a Harvard grad) is trying to talk to two gangers...and they can't understand what the heck he's talking about. After 5 or so minutes of this, the rigger chimes over the com "Look, you gotta speak their langauge!" Jim, the shock jock immediately tells the gangers "Apparently I've just been asked to lower my dialog to your level."

Things stopped for a bit after THAT one.

Jazari(sammy): Legwork ain't my thing. I prefer trigger-finger work
Dee(decker): This man has the most muscled finger I've ever seen.
Jazari: *flex*

More from last night's session.

Scenario: Johnson just learned the kidnapping target was killed last week.

Johnson: Well, you are certainly... efficient. I have another run in mind for you. A rescue mission.

Soycaf: Wait. We're so incompetant we fried the previous run a week before you gave it to us and you're giving us another one?

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Scenario: Planning how to break a guy out of a LoneStar building.

Me: I have an idea. We'll use 2000 kilograms of C12 to blow up something. That'll distract them.

Suprasun: How about the Renraku Arcology? I always hated them.

Bob: Sounds good. But we don't have enough money. How will we get it?

Soycaf: We can always steal it.

Bob: Okay. We need to plan from where.

GM (OOC): I swear to God I will sell all of you to a dragon as love slaves if you even dare finish that.

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Scenario: At the LoneStar building in question, waiting for Suprasun to open the doors. Suprasun is two hours late.

Suprasun (calling on cell phone): It's been two hours! Why the frag haven't you arrived yet?

Soycaf: We did arrive. You haven't openned the door yet.

Suprasun: I opened every door in the place! And you're not in my camera view!

Soycaf: Drop the drek. Where the frag are you?

Bob (at hearing the address): (Stands still with mouth hanging open in shock.)

Soycaf: You fragging drek-for-brains moron! That's on the wrong side of town!

Bob (as he is getting in the group's car): That's it. I'm going to have a private chat with him.

Fast forward thirty minutes...

Bob (as he gets out of the car, having just got back): I solved his problem.

Soycaf: How?

Bob: I fired a warning shot at his forhead.

Soycaf: ... That is wrong on so many levels. Now how are we going to get in, dumbhoop?

Bob: Uh... I have a plan!

---------------------------------------------

Scenario: After trashing the base of some gangers, we convinced them several LoneStars from the building we were trying to infiltrate did it. Then we stole a DocWagon and spent two hours waiting for the gangers to show up.

Bob: Drek! My plan went south.

Soycaf: If we don't get paid, I'm taking my cut out in services. And you won't enjoy serving me.

Me: That van is travelling fast for approaching a police station.

Everyone: ...

Me: That is a big boom for such a tiny van...

Soycaf: Half the fragging building is gone! Think our target is dead?

Me: Can't be. I haven't had a chance to kill him yet.

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Scenario: Posing as DocWagon employees, we successfully extracted our target and left the scene without even having to say a word. Unknown to us. DocWagon decided they wanted their vehicle back and sent a few people to collect it.

Sofa (Target): That was wiz! Real wiz! You guys are pure pro!

Me: The credit goes to Bob. He came up with the bomb idea.

Sofa: But the way you disguised everyone? I didn't even know you guys were comming to get me out! (Turns around.) Can I get something for this bleeding? Fragging metal sliced me.

Me (pulling out a knife to cut open a box of med supplies): Sure. Hold on.

Suddenly, the entire craft jerked upward and back down again, accompanied by explosions.

Me (seeing the knife embedded at the base of Sofa's skull): Frag! Fragfragfragfragfragfrag!

Soycaf (entering the room): Now what? (Looks at me, then at Sofa. Looks at me again and then back at Sofa. Gives me a third look and looks at Sofa a final time.) I don't even want to know.

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Scenario: Trying to get paid after me killing the latest target.

Johnson: Let me get this straight. You stole a DocWagon vehicle, blew up half a LoneStar building, got in a firefight with DocWagon that was broadcasted all over the news, and accidentally killed you objective? You have thrown half this city into chaos with your antics!

Soycaf: Great. So we're not getting paid?

Johnson: I'll give you an extra 50,000 to make the body disappear.

Soycaf: What body?

Me (on way out after getting paid): Did that make sense to anybody?

Soycaf: Tonight didn't make sense. I swear, if we could package our incompetence and sell it, we'd drive Saeder-Krupp out of biz.

This one came from yesterday's session.

"Since this stuff is duct-taped to me, I consider it mine."

I think a lot of my favorite lines came from the Cage Fight game, over in the Welcome to the Shadows Forum. This is from when the motley crew of 40-build point "runners" is in Ehran the Scribe's inner sanctum, and way out of their depth...


Rat: Belches, then grins at Ilian "Man, that was a good one. That had to have impressed her," he thinks.

Ilian: Raises an eyebrow at him. "I presume you are here to see the Master. Do you have an appointment, or should I inform him of the nature of your business?" she asks politely.

Rat: "Whoa. Did ya call that old guy "master"? Damn. And I gotta pay for that kinda stuff." A vision of Ilian in "slave girl" garb suddenly pops into his head, but Rat tries to focus. "Um, anyway, yeah, we need to see the dude. Don't worry, we ain't here ta hurt him or nothin', we're just messengers. We gotta talk to him face to face, though - in person-like. Is he around?"

These quotes occurred after the wounded mage makes a spectacularly bad driving roll coming to the rescue of the other wounded team members. She wound up running over and coming to a stop on top of the rather rotund unconscious dwarf weapons specialist after failing a crash test.

Elven Face: "Dwarf Skidmarks. Eeeewwww."
Human Decker: "Congratulations, you have managed to high center our only means of transport and escape on a dwarf."
Crazed Human Sammie: "Man I love this car. It stops on a dwarf."

Whisperdeath just killed a plain clothes Cop for touching his new Saab Dynamit. The realizes he might get cuaght.

Whisperdeath "I'll just tell them it was self defense."
All: Uncontrolled laughter for 10 minutes
Wolf: "You can't even get 6 of your friends to stop laughing, the jury is gonna fry you."

*******************************
Our group all guys just breaks into a rather unique PoliClub of militant gays. We accidently trip the alarm and are now surrounded by forty heavily armed men. Wolf, our shaman and sometimes hippie, casts Mob mind to influence them.

Wolf: "Make love, not War."
GM: "You sure about that?"
Wolf nods
GM: "Half of them put down their guns and start advancing..."
Quickdraw" Some of us would have preferred War."

***********************************
A Johnson has kidnapped Quickdraws sister in an attempt to blackmail him into a job. He shows the video of his sister tied to a chair and gagged.

Johnson: "I'll kill her unless you do this run for me."
Quickdraw true to his name pulls a gun kills the man "Okay I want the fragging boss."
Bodyguards: "That was the boss."
Quickdraw. "Frag now I am an only child. Mom is gonna be pissed."

"We're good girls, there will be no penetration!"
- said by a male player playing a male character.
They were using physical mask to turn the team into girls so they could claim to be groupies. Some rich guy got drunk and bet the Spankies would loose to the Blue Socks, so they got hired to make sure he didn't loose the bet.

me: "I have to make concentric shugar circles so that the evil gnomes don't turn my hair purple. If my hair's purple the demons will get me" - my excuse for why I couldn't meet the Johnson during the day
GM: "roll perception" ... "you don't believe him, well - you don't believe that he believes himself, he's obviously lying"
the guy I'm on the phone with: "no, he's clearly insane - I don't care if he sounds like he's lying, I'm sure he's making shugar circles."

Luceo (Fire Mage) "how many of those Gangers did you take out?"
Cross (Phys Ad) "16.... and look.... I took all their pants!"
Harvy (Rigger) " their credsticks?"
Cross "no.... just their pants."

I couldn't hold back the Karma, it was just to funny.

A bunch of random quotes.

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Exact quote, word for word. I'm the GM.

Rigger: "...Any other limits or information?"
GM (as the Mr J): You hear him lean back in the chair. "You're surprisingly accepting for a runner. Most I've seen go through a lot of trouble to figure out who's hiring them, why, and for how much..."
Rigger: "...Who are you, come to think of it? Do I know you? ...Or DID I know you? And what's the pay, why do you want this done, yadda yadda yadda..."
GM (as the Mr J): "...you didn't think of any of those questions until I brought it up, did you?"

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Later. This one's paraphrased a bit.

Rigger: I continue to my contact's place with all my gear.
GM: ...with all your gear appropriately concealed to avoid police attention while riding through the middle of Bellvue with automatic weapons.

(I'm a nice GM. Sometimes.)

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Rigger: "If they start shooting again, I'll shoot right fragging back at them."
Decker: "Right, then you misfire and we all die faster."
Fixer: "Shut up for a while, Sahandrian (decker/me)."

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Adept: "Sweet! VIOLENCE, YO!"

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Adept: "AHHHHHH! GHOSTS! Wait... Just my phone."

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Adept, referring to a dwarf NPC: "What Would Shorty Do?"

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Rigger: "If they can't say it was you, and you don't look suspicious yet, all is well."

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Rigger, about the group hunting him (Hunted 2 flaw), which he referes to as his "fan club": "I feel loved. I'll sign their autographs at the end of my fragging shotgun later..."

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The GM (Me) and Shinji (the adept), out-of-character. Exact quote.
Shinji: You bastard. I'm pretty sure you're going to have them try and get Shinji or something if he goes, right?
GM: Whatever gives you that idea?
Shinji: Its you, that's what gives me that idea.
GM: And you can't even see the mad grin on my face.
Shinji: Which gives me the knowledge that you will do that.
GM: You think I will.
Shinji: The mad grin makes me think that.
GM: Never trust my mad grins.

After a meet at a really posh club the Johnson leaves but he has paid for us to have VIP tickets so we stay and enjoy the night. Two character drink themselves silly and then ask our Cat shamen to cast invisibility on them. They eventually get thrown out for harrassing the bouncers while being completely nakid.

Half way through a run and the group meet up to plan something. The Were Eagle adept desides to fly to the meet. He lands on the deck of the boat the meetings on, changes into human and hands over a dead rabbit to the Cat shamen:

Wraith (Cat Shamen): Whats this?
Sol (Were Eagle): Its err a err present.
Wraith: Yeah Umm thanks for that. - puts it to one side.
Sol: It was a kingly rabit.
Sol: It was very hard to hunt.
Wraith: Oh really.
Sol: It must of been a kingly rabit it had its own woodern house and took me ages to get into it.

The group pissed ourselves laughing.

Later on

Sol: So whats a pet?

also

Sol to a Wolf Shamen: So you belong to a flock of Wolves?

After completing some foot work the team is in two groups, Sol is with Cooper (Dwarf Sam) and Wraith is with Canis (Wolf Shamen).

Sol is riding with Cooper and Wraith has already got back to the boat. He manages to phone Wraith.

Sol: Miss Wraith where are you?
Wraith (jokingly): Ive been kidnapped by Stuffer Shack.
Sol: Miss Wraith I will rescue you at once!
Wraith: Yes its at (gives address).
(Wraith and Canis burst out laughing).
Sol hangs up the phone.
Sol: Cooper we need to go to (address) and recue miss wraith from Stuffer Shack.
Cooper: Ok. (wtf?????)

So Cooper drives there and waits in the car while Sol marchs in.

Bored Student Type: Can I take your order please?
Sol: I want Wraith back.
BST: That isnt on the menu can I take your order please?
Sol: You have kidnapped Miss Wraith and I want her back.
BST: Wait a second I'll get my manager to deal with your complaint. Mr Murray!
Mr Murray: What seems to be the problem here?
Sol: You've kidnapped Miss Wraith and I'll kill you if you dont give her back!
Mr Murray: Security! (and hits the panic button, a barrier shoots up from the counter). Sol leaves.

Gm to the player whose character is holding the rear,
"Ok Bill you've got two troll on you."
"Oh no, They've got me on them!"

GM: "One of the gangers comes around the corner, blocking your escape. Electric bolts are beginning to sparkle around her hands."

Submachinegun Adept: "I pulp her."

'nuff said.

Just in case it can still see me, I pick up the severed head and make faces at it to piss it off.

"Oh, I only wear my armor when I sense danger..."

This was quickly followed by sounds of gunfire and the words, "AUGHOW! DANGER!"

*sigh*

"Oh, I only wear my armor when I sense danger..."

This was quickly followed by sounds of gunfire and the words, "AUGHOW! DANGER!"

*sigh*

One of the first runs (both as I a GM and my players playing SR) had gone way astray... and I mean REALLY out of place. And, in one of the moments, every player was seeing that one, hiding in the car, was going to blow. The copter gets into position, a missile flies out the lateral... I roll the die: perfect impact on the car. And so, I mostly just or trying out the sistem, ask the player:

-¿What Ballistic armor do you have? To see the Dificulty and all that...-

-¿Armor? I'm a female-elf assasins, female-elf assasins don't use armors!-

I still don't know where he got that idea from...

[edit]Sorry, double posting, my web browser's going nuts.

My apologies that this isn't an SR quote (but it could be, if you're that way inclined...):

Player: 'But I'm not a foul creature of the night that feeds on the blood of the innocent! I'm a vam.......oh....'

Here is a good site that has been up for years that has nothing but SR quotes and allows you to add as well.

http://www.griffjon.com/sr2/

It's an OOC comment, but it's become a running gag in my game:

"Run! Its the hose of a thousand men!"

as for IC conversation, i have only this:

Omega the Minotaur: Hmm....

Contact: Don't you mean "moooo"?

Phys Ad who, on a facility tour, got to play with a virtual molecular assembly system.

"I'm doing science!"

"Since you mentioned rape, can manaball be used as a form of birth control?"



"Alright, I leave the gas station, hop on my motorcycle with my 32 big gulp, lean back and get back on the high way. Gonna keep my visor up so I can sip through my straw."
"That's the worst abuse of auto-gyroscopic technology yet!"

and a few minutes after I rolled all ones on a will power check to not freak out upon the description of a gruesome ritualistic slaying scene- "But you said I could stop vomiting!!"

Doing a mod run (don't remember which one) where we wind up with a dragon egg, and the mother comes calling. I, as a 'shifter, astrally percieve the human female standing next to me to be a dragon, so I warn my team. She asks for the egg back. All of us agree to give it to her, except for my buddy Darian. Here is how that went.

D: I pull out my Predator. I will put all my combat pool into this shot. (rolls 14 dice). I get 9 successes. I will spend a karma to reroll my failures. (rolls 5 dice). I get 3 more successes. The damage code is 9DDDD. Hahahaha.

GM: okay. lets see what happens (sound of 20 dice rolling). Well Darian, she reduced your shot to no damage without using any combat pool. The Dragon looks at you, shakes her head, and says, "that was dumb." She reaches back and open-hand b**ch slaps you. (sound of 15 dice). Resist 14DD damage, use only your helmet's impact armor. Hmm, you have no helmet. You leave a beautiful, life-size dent in the Nightrunner behind you.

The GM allowed him to sacrifice all his karma for that run in order to stay alive. That is how Darian earned the Street Name Dragonslayer

See now that's a prime example of my onw rule when it comes to dealing with PC fatalities - Stupidity Kills.

But then again I am a bit of a bastard when it comes to stupidity :o)

legendary game in perth Oz... similar situation PC uses burst from SPAS 22.
*sound of dice rolling* PC picks up a single die "THis one failed"
GM okay i will roll soak
*sound of GM's dice rolling* GM picks up one die "This one succeeded*
Franchi got big advertising mileage out of that one

My two favorites from the Quotefile site:

Cost of three thermite burning bars: 3,000 nuyen.

Twenty doses of Gamma scopalamine: 6,000 nuyen.

Detonator and can of explosive foam: 300 nuyen.

Look on Kage's face when he realizes he's getting paid 5000 nuyen for the run: Priceless.

__________

Very Naive samurai sees a wolf prowling around the camp.

"WOLF!!!!!"

The transformed wolf shaman turns back to human form and says..

"Where???"

Samurai - "Yep - that sounds about right."

Sandoval, I've put up with a lot of syupidity from some of my players over the 3 years we've been playing. Sometimes it's good to remind them that while there is a God, he doesn't always allow stupidity to be survivable. Hell, God doesn't always allow smarts to be survivable :o)

And sometimes it's important for the GM to let the players just have fun, and not give in to his God Complex.

You might be surprised to find that I don't have a god complex, but a couple of my players have a healthy fear of god for some reason.

I play SR to have fun down the pub, as do my players. Probably explains some of the things I've let slide over the years :o)

I can't remember where I read this one.

I'm not even certain that I have the quote right.

It might have been The SR Quotefile.

PC, asking Mage to heal an injured comrade: "Can't you help him?"

Mage (actually, a Combat Mage who, at least at present, has no healing spells):

"DAMMIT, Jim, I'm a MAGICIAN, not a DOCTOR!"



Unfortunately, I don't recall if the player was awarded extra Karma Points for in-game humor....

--Foreigner

while running a star wars game the characters would often go to the jedi council pleading for answers to in-game puzzles, well, i was ready for that and had made up a list of yoda-adapted sayings from my book of quotes...heres some:

"on the force, much depends, on ourselves, little"
"seldom laugh, fanatics do, but never at themselves"
"estranged from all when accustomed to it, you have become"
"a light of their own, the unseen has"

the characters got so sick of the meaningless dribble coming from the little green monster that they stopped going to the council.

some other quotes:
"NEVER make a character while listening to Miles Davis" (i still dont understand that one)

"i dont need a bathroom in my safe house. the only time i have a digestion system is when i get shot in the abdomen!"

"elven thief is about to die...elven thief needs food badly!...OH! doritos!"

"if youre gonna be stupid, you gotta be tough" (my favorite)

"fear the defenestrator!"

From the quote file: "Niho(teenage male shaman) to Sammy(female rigger/streetsam):I can astrally project. I watch you while you sleep. Go ahead and take a shower, bitch."

And that Johnny, is why I ALWAYS ward the toilet.

Player 1"The plan worked. We got inside without setting off a single alarm! What do we do now?"
Player 2"Hell if I know, I didn't think we'd get this far"

Giggles the Infamous after each time he gets zapped with a Mana spell, " Damn it, I forgot to raise my Willpwer again!"

"You're going to get me killed, Lieutenant!"

Actually, he got both of us killed.

EDIT: Since a lot of people might not get it at first, it's a Band of Brothers reference that pretty much matched up exactly in the game.

Actually in my session last Saturday we were doing an Astral Quest (initiating...the RP way) and Angel came up to the Dweller on the Threshold, who was taking the form of Angel's deceased father.

Angel: I thought you were dead!

without a pause:
Dweller: Death is only the beginning.

There was mucho groans about that. I got to use another cheesy quote like that later, along the lines of "There is no spoon" but I don't remember the exact details. Gotta remember to write these things down...

After we knock a female security rigger out--
James: "Dibs."

After unsuccessfully trying to kill everyone in a Redmond safehouse and hearing they're hiring extra security the next day--
Me: "Dude! Let's just drive up to the front door! It's the last thing they'll expect!"
(It wasn't)

Our ghoul player says ANYTHING about ANY of our plans being heartless/cruel/in any way horrible--
Everyone: "YOU EAT PEOPLE!"

2 horrible bodyguards of doom spot the ruthenium-ed naked dwarf skulking about the car where we were planning to abscond with the body they were guarding--
Guards: "What the hell are you doing over there?"
Ryan: "Uhh... scoping for chicks?"

Justin (nicknamed 'Patton') responds to any number of situations--
Justin: "Wait! I have a plan! I..."
Other PCs: "NOOOOOO!!"
(general chaos as we all scramble to silence Justin)

Cole is a dwarf sniper and we've just set explosives to open a safe--
Cole: "Ok... I run back through here and... what's this?"
GM: "That's a filing cabinet."
Cole: "I climb in and set up my rifle."

My gamers are the official stakeout crew, they stake out *everything*.

Or as I figured out last session, *almost* everything.

"Why are we reconning a *Golf* tournament?" -Hellboy (troll sammie, over 2 essence left!)

(later, speaking of an astral barrier and a Shapeshifter in the party)
"Also known as the 'Forced through a cheese grater effect." -Sam's player (Sam, our decker/snake shaman/conspiracy theorist)

Then today's comment.

"Have you ever actaully taken down explosives, or do you just set them up?" Sam to Coxie (British retribution driven Skillsoft/House DJ)

-JL

After just finding out the appartment we are in is going to be attacked by some corp goons.

Chameleon (Stage whisper to Braindrain, the owner of the apartment): I think you're about to lose your security deposit.

"Okay, Andrew, it's your turn."
"I readied both grenades last turn, so I throw both of them in the control room."
"The door is closed."
"Crap. Can somebody find the pins?"

"Right, my ammo list: Six hundred rounds of 6.2 mm AP. Twenty light AV mini-grenades. Fifteen offensive high explosive IPE mini-grenades. Ninety rounds 9 mm AP. One 20-kiloton tactical nuke. ... I never thought I'd actually see that on the list."

And one more from the latest session with no context:
"Never mind. I'm going to go freeze some of my sperm before I'm sterile."

The elven Skillwire jockey femme fatale had just finished explaining her talents to the rest of the new team. Including an aptitude with computers but not being a decker. This enlisted the following response from our resident gunslinger adept.

"So your telling me you can crack these maglocks no problem, Nail any security sensors we find and dig around for the data files we are after. Only when you plug yourself into the Host here Brainfry is certain. Do we get a number to call?"