Hey everyone
since I'm a little mad at the wireless boni in SR5 (and I guess I'm not the only one) I thought it would be fun to start a thread to collect some "silly" bonuses
If You want to participate You're welcome
But please stay civil

I'll start with someone else's Bonus:


Ladies Handbag WiFi Bonus
You need only 1d6 Rds to find an Item instead of 1d6 Minutes

with a funny Dance
Medicineman

Airline Life Vests WiFi Bonus
Inflates automatically upon hitting the water, as opposed to whatever action is necessary for you to pull the little red cords.

Mr Studd wireless bonus:
Provides +2 body dice for teamwork tests involving it, even if this increases your Body over the +4 Stat boost limit. Wearing a synched biomonitor adds an additional +2 bonus.

Penile Implant

Wireless Bonus: Adds its Rating as a positive modifier to its Concealability.

~Umi

Penile Implant+

Wireless Bonus: Adds its Rating as a positive modifier to Seduction tests.

Comlink

Wireless Bonus: Wirelessly connects you to the matrix

Rollerskates
Wireless Bonus: Increases Accuray for performing stunts by 2.

Microwave
Wireless Bonus: Provides a +2 Bonus to all Cooking tests.

Cat: You may specify the species of dead bird it leaves on your pillow.

Bullet.
Wireless bonus: Informs you when your gun jams.

Flashlight.
Wireless bonus: Informs you when it is dark.

Socks.
Wireless bonus: Informs you that your feet smell. (do not allow an AI to inhabit this node)

Socks
WiFi bonus tells you wether its the right or left Sock

with a barefoot Dance
Medicineman

That's useful! I can never tell the difference!

Toiletseat

When Wifi enabled it automatically syncs with household's commlinks and biomonitors and goes either up or down depending on the next user.

Toiletseat: Wifi- detects the presence of a woman & automatically lowers after every flush if a woman is present

Cybernetic tongue, wireless bonus: Talking is a free action

Beer Bottle. With wireless you can monitor the amount of beer remaining. If wireless is disabled, you will have no idea how much beer is in the bottle.

Framing Hammer- Laser guide. Increases accuracy on each swing by 2. Wireless bonus: Gives a +2 dice pool modifier.

Bar stool. Wireless allows you to sit down as a free action.

Closed circuit T.V. and wired alarms. Wireless bonus: Your system can now be compromised by hackers.

Hamburger - Wireless Bonus: You may eat a portion of the hamburger as a Free Action instead of a Simple Action.

~Umi

Can this be accompanied by an 80s text adventure style pop-up?

It is dark. Would you like to use Torch? Y/N

> N

You have been eatten by a wireless-enabled grue.

~Umi

Credstick- allows access to money as a... hey where did it go?

That's... that's actually a legitimate thought.

If you connect one device to another with a wire, but the second device is Matrix enabled, the first device can be hacked. Consequently, a credstick could, in theory, be hacked during the brief time in which it is slotted into a commlink or similar.

~Umi

Shoes :
Wirelesss Bonus
warns You when you're about to tie the shoestrings with an "unopenable" knot

HougH!
Medicineman

Sun-Glasses : connects to a Matrix database of witty one liners, also adds +2 to any investigation / interrogation rolls

Wire: You can connect to it without plugging it in.

Skinlink: You can get hacked. And where did you get that Skinlink in the first place?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DT7bX-B1Mg

Dog:
Wireless bonus: will curse obscenities at you when you try to give it any form of medication. Yes, even the stuff that makes his skin stop itching like his mother. Without wireless enabled, it will hide under the porch instead.

CD/DVD/Blu Ray:
Wireless bonus: does not need to be inserted into slot.

CD/DVD/Blu Ray Player:
Wireless bonus: you may select which CD/DVD/Blu Ray is currently playing, from across the room, as a free action.

Geosynchronos satellite:
Wireless bonus: You may update the firmware, enable/disable the wireless bonus, and perform course corrections. Without this bonus the satellite may also veer off course. Once a month the satellite must make a Pilot + Navigate (Areospace) [Pilot / 2] (4) check (+2 accuracy if wireless enabled), if it fails, consult the following table to calculate the result.*

*Limit written in this manner as I figure government satellites are going to be running pretty high software ratings. Thus giving hilarious results for civilian satellites.

Is it wrong I'm worried how many of these will make it into the matrix splat book?

Thats ok with me, that way even more people can have a laugh

with a funny Dance
Medicineman

some of these i think are actually good examples of a wireless bonus. being able to play your music and videos from across the room is exactly the sort of thing where convenience actually is worth more than the security risk. letting your microwave connect to an online database of recipes that work well in the microwave cross-referenced to things like elevation, humidity, etc based on your current location doesn't bother me in the slightest.

it's when the black ops team is trivially detected by a wireless scanner because someone decided that high-grade military gear should be designed to be wireless (and have some of it's functionality dependant on being wireless) that i get annoyed.

i do find it ironic that in the thread for stupid and funny wireless bonuses, i look at many of them and i'm forced to think "Wait, that's not nearly as stupid as the ones that are actually in the main book".

coming up with ideas as bad as the official wireless bonuses is apparently not easy. you gotta *work* to make something that dumb.

Candle- change scent and color of candle as a free action.

Troll- argues constantly just to get people upset.

Yeah, I guess something like having your smartlink be connected to the matrix to get weather updates so you can get that +1/+2 DP bonus to shoot indoors is a good idea.

You realize that technology has been capable of that since like 1950, right?

It's called a remote control.

I'm thinking: If you are in Miami, you automatically become as cool as David Caruso.

WARNING: This may in fact lower your coolness. If fact, it surely will.


YEEEEEEEEAAAAAA

Chameleon suit: Compatible image-links will automatically blur you out.

That reminds me...

Remote control- changes channels even when lost in couch cushon.

Couch- find lost objects in cushions as a free action instead of complex.and adjust firmness of cushions to sitters prefrence.

Vehicle, Drivers Seat : Adjusts between Troll > Human > Dwarf as a free action ... on a Critical Glitch it swallows the occupant and ejects them into the nearest moving traffic.

you realize that i'm referring to specific posts that mention having wireless DVDs, CDs, Blu-rays etc and players be wireless, enabling you to choose what you want to play without getting up, walking across the room, and putting the DVD/CD/etc into the player, right?

because last i checked, remote controls don't physically move the DVD/CD/etc from your shelf into the player *today* and i'm pretty sure they didn't in 1950 either.

I was poking fun at remote controls, but in that sense:

Meh. Maybe. I hardly use my "entertainment system" as it is. Sure I have a 42 inch plasma TV...but I still prefer watching my shows on my 21" computer monitor.

the shadowrunner's all-time favourite doesn't have a wireless bonus!!

Katana, wireless bonus: ???
also missing: Miniwelder, Monofilament Chainsaw


Radio signal scanner:
Wireless: You can help search for extraterrestrial life.

Light stick:
wireless: Range is doubled if you are connected to electronic imaging devices that adjust to the chemicals' wavelengths.

Stim patch:
wireless: an ARO is displayed, counting down the the period of time.

Don't forget that today, you can have Mufti-DVD/CD Changers in the Multiple hundreds of disks (I actually had one that was 400 Disks huge). And as for modern technology, my parents have several thousand 's of movies on their Media Center, with probably twice that in Music CD's. It will only get more efficient in the 2070's.

Then a change on the media player posted previously:

Entertainment Center WiFi bonus: changing your media before you even realize you want it changed.

Photon: Increase speed rating by 1.

You just went and broke Physics, didn't you?

You know who else broke Physics? The Pklksjadijr!

Who are the Pklksjadir? Well, you know that cluster of black holes in the center of the galaxy? That's all that's left of them after they broke Physics.

Just like you did. You monster.

Re: Remote control


Meh, when you are married with kids your chance of controlling what channel/song/movie is playing is already remote.

I thought that was the whole point of the wireless bonus concept (and speed ratings)?

But unless you rig it, it's still slower than a rigged GMC banshee with movement cast on it.

Stuffer Shack
Wireless Bonus: Items purchased cost 10% less

Pretzels
Wireless Bonus: if activated while being swallowed, does 10P damage

Firecrackers
Wireless Bonus: Does damage like a Stun Grenade [SR5 Core Rules p. 123]

Napkins
Wireless Bonus: same effect as using the disinfect spell [SR5 Core Rules p. XXX]

Soydogs
Wireless Bonus: counts as a one-day ration bar if ingested

Soykaf
Wireless Bonus: +2 to all decking tests for one hour after ingestion

Cigarettes
Wireless Bonus: +2 dice to addiction resistance tests

Stopwatch
Wireless Bonus: Time Travel

Unicorn
Wireless Bonus: can resurrect characters

Perianwyr
Wireless Bonus: Teleport

Women and children
Wireless Bonus: If raped/maimed/killed, double the reward points for unethical behavior

The Free Marine Corps
Wireless bonus: allows to use the Marisoo archetype as a PC [The Best Ever, p.XXX]

Wireless bonus:
Wireless bonus: Crack jokes. Wirelessly.

Rumours abound of a new Move-By-Wireless system being field tested by some certain parties.

Building on the original MBW system, they have worked out some of the kinks by utilizing the constant uplink to the Matrix to help keep the constant fly by wiring of the nervous system more balanced along with advances in the overall system have made it a bit more body system friendly. Is incompatible with all other enhancements to Reaction, including wired reflexes and Reaction enhancers.

Wireless Bonus: Well, considering the whole thing is built to be run wireless the stats for the system are the bonus and yes some of the bonuses will exceed the normal +4 limit.
Again, THIS SYSTEM WILL NOT PROVIDE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING BONUSES AT ALL IF SWITCHED TO OFFLINE.

Level 1: +1 Agility +2 Reaction and +1d6 Iniative +1 dice for skill tests from the Athletics and Stealth skill groups. Essence: 2.15
Level 2: +2 Agility +4 Reaction and +2d6 Iniative +2 dice for skill tests from the Athletics and Stealth skill groups. Essence: 3.35
Level 3: +3 Agility +6 Reaction and +3d6 Iniative +3 dice for skill tests from the Athletics and Stealth skill groups. Essence: 4.55
Level 4: +4 Agility +8 Reaction and +4d6 Iniative +4 dice for skill tests from the Athletics and Stealth skill groups. Essence: 5.75

Device Rating is considered to be Rating 1 per Level and has 4 levels of noise reduction built in.

Note each level of noise over the ability of noise reduction to reduce will reduce effective level of system performance by one.

Example: Jimmy 'Speedy' Rodriguez has a Rating 2 Move By Wireless system. Normally he enjoys the +2 Agility, +4 Reaction and +2d6 Initiative but today he is going to a little black market electronics event on the edge of the sprawl where anything and everything is going up for sale. The Noise from the sheer density of all the odds and ends electronics and other devices is creating a level 5 Noise rating. Jimmy gets 4 levels of Noise reduction from the system, but the remaining point of Noise sends the system skittering a bit and now his effective bonuses are just that of a level 1 system. Now Jimmy is having some shakes as he isn't moving as smoothly as he should.

If the Noise around Jimmy climbs to 6 or more its bye bye bonuses as normal for any device being jammed by Noise vs Rating. The only difference here is the system degrades as the noise climbs since it is pretty tightly wound and even small errors creeping in tend to snowball a bit.

As to Long Term effects, there are case studies showing some neurological and muscular damage over time, the body simply can not handle being in a constant state of seizure, the incessant wear and tear takes it's toll both mentally and physically.
Worse is the fact the system seems to be addicting as the test subjects grow to enjoy the jazzed up feeling and they have shown signs of resentment when forced to turn the system off and will turn it back on at the earliest possible opportunity.

Addiction Rating equal to 4 plus Level of System, Addiction Threshold 2.



Crazy thing to even think of using.

Felt Tipped Pen (a.k.a. Sharpee)

Wireless Bonus: Marks your opponent without generating OS.

Monofilament Whip

Wireless Bonus: None, it's now just a handle.

+1 Internet to you, sir.

Mr. Pibb wireless bonus: tastes like Dr. Pepper.

Don't laugh, I used that as a 2e plot thread. The runners were hired to pose as ATM repairmen and swap out a particular ATM with a replacement that could be used to steal all the personal information off of any credstick slotted into it.

Made impersonating the suit who habitually dropped by that ATM to get cash before going drinking so his wife wouldn't see the charges really easy,


Candy Assortment

Wireless bonus : All chocolate flavors identified in AR overlay, so you can avoid the nougat.