Worth the hacking risk.

Pen:

Wireless - Uses advance predictive software to spellcheck your handwriting as you write.

Paper:

Wireless - Add +2 dp on tests to avoid papercuts

Soycaf:

Wireless - Switch between regular and decaf as a free action

Sleeping Bag: Tucks you in and reads Goodnight Moon.

Slapchop (this still exists b/c I say so): +2 DP unarmed vs hookers

Stimpatch: plays eye of the tiger

Armored Clothing: collar pops to protect head when in combat or when Culture Club plays

Foci: Able to be used from remote locations wirelessly

Cement Brick

Wireless Bonus: None, it's already bricked.

Shoes- adjusts fit and cushioning according to your location and weather. Giving a +1 to gymnastics or running depending on the model of shoe.

At first I thought this was smart, not funny, but then I realized that the reason why a airline life vest is manual only. It is so it doesn't activate in cabin, trapping a wearer in a flooding cabin.

Some things are just better not having a wireless function.

Addendum: This does seem smart though for a boating vest or something to wear when flying something you can eject from. Something to consider for my 5th Ed conversion of this item here.

Shoes Wireless Bonus: You can move your movement speed as a free action. You can run and take a -2 to all actions.

With wireless disabled: Moving is now a simple action. Running is a complex action. You can take no other actions during the pass if you decide to run.

Sure, and it could go off if you get caught in the rain.

And on that note: Umbrella WiFi bonus: Automatically deploys if the weather reports say its raining in your area.

Don't think I saw this one yet.

Cake
Wireless Bonus: Is no longer a lie.

Actually it's Having Cake is a Simple Action, Eating Cake is a Complex Action.

The Wireless bonus: Makes Having Cake a Free Action

Thus with wireless on you can Have your Cake and Eat it too.

Uuugh!!!

What's wrong? Too much cake?

Moving on.....

Larry The Lounge Lizard Suit Ensemble

All pieces are designed with static strips holding the various parts together to operate as a functional full tuxedo outfit while still allowing for fast disrobing in case of getting lucky. Think Chippendales.

Wireless Bonus: Can be stripped off as a Free Action as the static seals all release simultaneously.

Cocktail dress: Calculate the angles of view of everyone in the room and adjusts the smart fabric so you never quite experience a 'wardrobe malfunction', despite appearing constantly on the edge of one.

How much for the Lounge Lizard Ensemble?

Wireless bra, enabled = saggy. Disabled = Wonder!

Eyeglasses

Wireless: Senses conditions of surrounding environment and defogs themselves as necessary

Locker

Wireless: Shoving nerds into a wireless enabled locker is a free action

Shouldn't that be the other way around?

If that would be "Wireless: Open as Free Action", you might have sold me on wireless boni...

Yeah it sounds good until your on the date and an old fashioned drive in (so I like nostalgia) and just before you make your move, the joker 2 cars over bricks her bra.

That means they have at least 50 grand to drop on a deck. most of those people are going to have better things to do than bricking bras.

Most.

Yep, but there is always at least one.



Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas".
The computer told me "ninjas cannot be found"
Well played, ninjas, well played

Ninjas

Wireless Bonus: Stays in Hidden Mode, even when their Icon would be normally detected.

You know they are there, just can't seem to be able to find them no matter how well you roll and thus out of reach.

woosh!

(that was the sound of the pun flying over your head)

you're thinking of the wrong kind of wire.

Wooosh is right. I hang my head in shame.
Especially since I am married and should know better.

Pregnancy. Wireless = Normal. Wireless Disabled = errrr....yeah I probably shouldn't go there.

Shampoo
Wireless boni: Adds +2 body to head.

Toothpaste
Wireless boni: Teeth can be used as a flashpak.

So Richard Hammond uses wireless toothpaste. Good to know.

Wristwatch

Wireless Bonus: Must be slaved to a commlink or cyberdeck. Actually tells you the time. Does not function otherwise.

Waterproof/Diver's Watch

Wireless Bonus: Same as Wristwatch, except when ACTUALLY UNDERWATER more than 50cm of Fresh Water or 5cm of Salt Water.

RC Car

Wireless Bonus: You can control the car remotely.

RC Helicopter

Wireless Bonus: Will crash into the nearest tree.

Boomerang

Wireless Bonus: Will crash into the nearest tree.

Kite

Wireless Bonus: You get to watch it sail away. Good going.

Oh man, I was trying to think of one for kite. I didn't want to do the crashes into the nearest tree schtick again.

oddly enough, for most kites this actually *doesn't* happen. in most cases they'll actually just crash to the ground. the string is actually required for the kite to stay up in the air (certain specific designs of kite may do somewhat better, but in general even if it's shaped for gliding it will still probably crash eventually).

Trees
Wireless Bonus :
Attracts RCs, Kites,Boomerangs,american Footballs, Tennisballs,Basketballs, etc . +2 Dice for these Items to crash into Trees. Bonus is compatible with Wireless Bonus of RCs,Boomerangs or Kites to crash into Trees

with a Treehuggers Dance
Medicineman

Why does this remind me of the Kite-eating Tree from Charlie Brown?

Kite-Eating Trees
the true reason for the Atzlan-Amazonian War

with a Wardance
Medicineman

Wireless Bonus: Will crash into your face on the trip back.

Car
Tireless Bonus: Movement reduced to 0, Rigging may increase this.


Match
Fireless Bonus: Can be used to pick your teeth


Church
Choirless Bonus: Blessed Silence

Pornography :

Wireless bonus : Automatically updates your dayplanner to convince your boss you were working all along.

As a free action !

Shouldn't that be a FLEE action?

Or at least cause one?

It should also reduce the recoil modifier if you swing it in the subsequent initiative pass.

Pen:

Wireless: Can be used to parry any and all sword attacks with a +4 accuracy bonus

Proof at last that the Pen IS mightier than the sword.

But only with wireless on.

Also:


Money

Wireless Bonus: May be spent (and taxed) as a Free Action

This one actually made me LOL. Nice job!

Viking body
Pyreless bonus: rejection from Valhalla

Swampboat
Mireless bonus: beached

Direwolf
Direless bonus: regular wolf

Anything you can sell
Buyerless bonus: earned no money today

LOL

The Enquirer
Enquireless bonus: Real News

Sailing
Gyreless bonus: Dead in the water

Upping the Retirement Age
Retireless Bonus: Still working for McHughs and AzMart at 70+

What is this retirement of which you speak?

Book
Wireless bonus: Allows you to search the digital copy and give you page numbers for hits.

Screwdriver (1)
Wireless Bonus: Keeps track of all those damn fiddly interchangeable heads and lets you change them as a free action.

Screwdriver (2)
Wireless bonus: Informs you when vodka-to-orange juice ratio is just right.

Calculator
Wireless bonus: Lets you control it with your commlink. (Yep, still made by Texas Instruments.)

Hot sauce bottle
Wireless Bonus: Tracks your usage habits and recommends an exact amount to use based on what your next meal is and how much there is of it based on the scoville rating of it and other hot sauces you use.

Surgical instruments
Wireless Bonus: Reminds you when you've forgotten one inside a patient. (Who uses hand instruments these days?)

Microphone
Wireless bonus: Transmits recorded audio to another device as encoded data.

Roll of wrapping paper
Wireless bonus: Estimates how much length of the roll you're going to need to wrap a given package based on the dimensions of the package and your previous ratios of over/underestimation and failures resulting in needing to rewrap the package.

Coat
Wireless bonus: Deploys hood and zips up as a free action.

Commlink game
Wireless bonus: Allows access to singleplayer functions. (DAMN YOU, UBISOFT!)

Checkbook
Wireless bonus: Self-balancing thanks to micro-miniaturized internal gyroscope.

Medicine Bottle
Wireless bonus: Provides access to prescription and refill information.

(And that covers a handful of the objects near to/on my desk. )

I thought it was because atzlan kept pulling the football away.

Football- wireless bonus allows you to know when exactly to pull the ball away so the kicker lands flat on his back.

Questioning the man dancing the Wardance.
Wireless Bonus: The man dancing the wardance can locate you by triangulating your wireless signal.