Okay then...who was the first person to come up with the AOBBS? Blackjack?

I Cant believe that you've never seer a mention of the herd Shot around the world. i'd credit Blackjack with The first mention on the old forum. Unfortunately I'm getting 404`d when I try to search it, So lets write this one upas a forum legend

So each player is working up extensive backstory, describing how their own dream character is going to kick ass in the SR universe. Each character is an absolute genius, of course. (Are there any other kind?)

The first player tells about his ex-military special division demolitions expert mercenary who deserted after he became sure someone was trying to kill him (no, really? no one should ever try to kill a soldier); and who's really, really good at blowing things up: you thought the wrath of God had come down on you after he blew up one of your buildings. All the good cyber and none of the junk stuff; beta where availability allowed (he's from a relatively affluent family, even if they're not talking to him anymore and haven't for years, so we don't have to worry about all that complicated family stuff); all very logically backstory-derived; all beautifully min-maxed. (MM allows such nice Essence cheats with cyberlimbs.)

The second player tells about his ex-Johnson, who is the poster child for tall, dark and handsome. He dresses extremely well, always neat and trimmed, usually the best dressed for the meet: he even makes the other Johnson look cheap and out of place. For some reason or other, just about everybody just loves the guy, you really can't help it. He just seems to have a way with people, always says the right thing at the right time; if it weren't for his cyber, you would swear it was magic of some sort. (Are we absolutely certain that Availability level on tailored pheromones is accurate?) There's some sadness in him that he'll never explain in character, but just between us players, the only girl he ever loved was killed when she was hit by a bus. And he's an orphan, of course. (Often? Orphan!)

The third player tells about his optimally min-maxed dwarf mage sorcerer (can't be a shaman, no way is he playing a character with personality restrictions!). Part of an experimental team, the corporation heavily invested in bioware for him: cerebral booster, mnemonic enhancer, trauma damper, pain editor (after that one unfortunate accident); and of course the datajack and optimised cybereyes are de rigeur, in the R&D units. But his magic is safe: he's got all the appropriate geasa, and he's got a lot of cantrips too. His folks were so proud when he got into the programme, they spent their life savings to buy him the power focus for his graduation, just before they got killed in that automobile accident. Ever since then, he's buried himself in his studies of all things magical: that and magically kicking ass gives him a reason to exist.

The fourth player, who's been having problems getting a group to stick around long enough for karma pool to start mattering, starts telling about his physad, who's rich, smart, handsome, strong, skilled in the martial arts enough to take on Bruce Lee and win, and good at pistols enough that Wild Bill calls his character sensei (oh, and Wild Bill did really call his character sensei, can't really remember when or why, does it matter?).

Hearing the descriptions of the supermegaüberherocharacters soon to appear in his game (which by now had blown out of all proportion and were starting to challenge Harlequin), the GM placed his head in his hands and said: "You know, guys, that's funny. Because I have no recollection of approving any of you ..."

Talia: bitter, much?

NERPS - for PC-induced indigestion (now with added backstory and plot-hooks)

Yeah, this thread's for comedies, not tragedies.

Looks like farce to me

~J

Or satire

Looks like my game.

....What? I just had to join in this bit of fun. Besides the ex-military thing pretty much is a character from one of my games. And hell, if I were the GM of that one, I'D be laughing my ass off.

Delete?

AOBB?

I don't think typical keyboards have an Ares Orbital Bovine Bombardment button, but you can probably get a USB device to add that functionality.

For me it's just Command-Option-B

~J

Silly Mac user.

*closes tab on Powerbook specs*

Ah. Thank you. I've seen the full phrase many times but would you believe, the search function on the current version of Dumpshock doesn't find that one? So either it goes back a lot further than here, or else you, kevyn668, actually coined that one.

Interestingly enough, Google primarily finds curling references when I search for AOBB.

~J

Heh. Guess my guidance counselor was wrong. Being lazy can pay off.

A STORY OF CREATION


In the beginning, Neuron Basher brought into being the concept of Dumpshock, and it was good.

Shortly thereafter, NB was in receipt of a notice to show cause why an environmental impact statement shouldn't be filed. NB was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and Desist Order for the membership aspects of the project. At the hearing, NB was asked why this project had been begun in the first place. NB replied that the members would need a place to talk about Shadowrun; and anyway, NB just liked to help out and be creative.

Then Neuron Basher said, "Let there be servers."

Officials immediately demanded to know how the servers would come on-line. Would it require strip mining? What about thermal pollution? NB explained that the servers would come from the generosity of Dumpshock's members, and provisional approval was granted with the proviso that no smoke would result. The authorities demanded the issuance of a building permit, and (to conserve energy) required that every tenth part of data be sacrificed unto the servers. NB compromised, explaining that Server Upgrade 2.1 would be on-line as soon as possible, and promised an upgrade to the existing search function which shall be known as Knowbots, such that all the accumulated lore of Dumpshock should be collated and free to all. Officials replied that they were only interested in protecting the environment, not in semantics.

Neuron Basher said, "Let the forums bring forth a thriving membership."

Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Endangered Species (Gamers), coordinated with ShadowStats. The population control lobby protested and started talking about expanded campaign contributions and new editions of existing paperwork. On the other hand, the proposal was quietly fast-tracked by the Department of Non-Endangered Species (New Lifeforms Evolving in Living Spaces).

Then Neuron Basher said, "Let the membership bring forth all manner of discussion on matters Shadowrun."

The Canon Registry Agency for the Protection of Shadowrun agreed, so long as only canon materials were used. Homeland Security seized an initial sampling of the discussion, but while they tried to figure out whether they should act or not, their computers became clogged with massive amounts of discussion about Tom Clancy, and they settled for the sacrifice of the Miscellaneous forum.

Everything went along smoothly until Neuron Basher declared that the Dumpshock technical staff intended to complete the project in six days.

Officials informed NB it would take at least 200 days to review all the waiver applications, political agendas masquerading as Shadowrun speculation, and other environmental impact statements. After that there would have to be a public hearing, and then the compulsory Great Server Sacrifice, and then the hearing as to whether the Great Server Sacrifice counted as blood magic or just pixel magic, and then there would be a 10-12 month probationary period before ...

At this point, Dumpshock created Hell

Recently heard this one. I'll mod it for SR.

What do you call a Troll flying an airplane?
--
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A pilot, you racist bastard.

As for the above. That must be the New Testiment. I could of sworn there was a Deep Resonence forum around here somewheres...

Finding all his sensors gone dead, a rigger finds himself forced to land his small rigid-wing model the old-fashioned way. Problem is, he's gotten himself completely turned around during that last aerial fight (the one that took out the sensors), and it's Seattle, so it's foggy and rainy besides. Nothing but mist in sight. All directions seem equally bad.

Suddenly, out of the gloom looms out an office building, so close he can spot one of the wageslaves through an open window. (The wageslave obviously hasn't taken Corporate Security 101. Either that, or he's stealing a smoke.) Taking a chance, the rigger carefully descends to as close as he can get; and then shouts at the top of his lungs: "Where am I?"

Comes the answer: "You are in an airplane, about 100 feet above the ground."

Immediately the rigger re-aligns his small craft, finds his way to the private landing strip, and lands safely.

His teammates are astonished. Asks the mage: "How on earth did you figure out where to head from such --"

"Shitty," the street samurai helpfully fills in.

"-- data?" the mage concludes.

The rigger shrugs. "The answer he gave me was completely correct and factual, yet it was no help whatsoever. Who else could he be but a software engineer for Microsoft? * And since I know exactly where Microsoft's building is in relation to this landing strip ..."


* Microsoft is Shadowrun canon. Bill Gates' granddaughter is an otaku.

Could be wrong in the details. I'm working from memory (and we all know how reliable that is!)

Alexander Tyrell Gates. Introduced in Prime Runners (24-25) is not an Otaku, but Microdeck is referred to subsequently in New Seattle, and Red Wraith names names and says that it is Brian Gates IV that is an Otaku (86). Alex Gates is also described in T:M (110-11). He's a decker, and a mess of one at that. Apparently, Alex missed the Otaku bus by a few years.

And they are at least his great-grandsons, sons of Brian Gates III, son of Charles Gates, son of... Bill or one of his kids.

Alright, here's another lightly modified pilot joke.

A trog rigger and his decker buddy are flying the crew in the rigger's baby, a transport jet. He's pulling in towards SeaTac and he suddenly turns to concern. He turns to the decker, "drek, this little strip dey gave us maybe ain't long enuf."

The decker looks and agrees, "we got fuel to go somewhere else, or mebbe clearance?" The rigger shakes his head remorsefully. "Dis or de sound. Better tell de group ta buckle up."

The decker nods, sticks his head in the main cabin and informs everyone they may have to make a rough landing. The rigger drops altitude, cuts the engine to almost nothing and extends the flaps. He waits until he's 20 feet from the tarmac to lower the gear, and rolling his entire pool, plus karma pool, rubber touches road just inches after it starts. With the reflexes only a VCR-3 could bestow upon him, he immediately applies full brakes and kills the engine, while the decker who's also jacked in, keeps the ailerons and tail steady as the jet wobbles and jumps. The jet screams to a halt as the flaps and the rigger closes his eyes, either to more fully control the jet, or just in quiet prayer.

Finally, the metallic bird comes to a halt with a *THUMP* as the front wheel falls off the end of the runway. The entire jet slowly *ticks* and the engines wind down slowly. The rigger opens his eyes, letting the adrenaline leave his body, as the decker checks the damage readouts.

"Drek, that was a short runway."
"Yeah, and wide too."

Runner walks into a bar with a pig on a leash. To make things even weirder, the pig is walking around with two pairs of kid stealth legs...
[Runner] Get me a beer, and a bowl of Chivas Regal for my little buddy.

[Bartender] We don't allow pigs in here.

[Runner] Look this is no ordinary pig-he's probably the smartest pet in the world! After giving him a cerebral booster, encephalon, and math spu, he's probably smarter than half the guys in this bar!

[Bartender] I don't care, we don't allow pigs here.

(By this time, I'm getting curious what happened to the pig's legs. Does the pig go on runs with the guy and lose themin a firefight?)
[Me] Excuse me, what happened to your pigs...

[Runner] This pig saved my life! I was on a run gone bad, wounded and surrounded by sec guards, and he came back for me, dragging me to safety. I wouldn't even be alive if it weren't for this pig!

[Me] Hey! What happened to his legs? What happened to him?

The runner turns to me a says....
[Runner] Son, you can't eat a pig like this all at once...

I love this thread to bits, and I want it to revive. I'm gonna repost something I did back when it was really humming along, in the hope of getting it mobile again.

The whole Shadowrun conversion of Skippy's List inspired me to make this.

A street samurai enters a fixer’s.
Samurai: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The fixer does not respond.)
S: 'Ello, Miss?
Fixer: What do you mean "miss"?
S: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
F: We're closin' for lunch.
S: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this decker what I hired not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
F: Oh yes, the, uh, the dwarven security specialist...What's,uh...What's wrong with him?
S: I'll tell you what's wrong with him, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with ‘im!
F: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's decking.
S: Look, matey, I know a dead decker when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
F: No no he's not dead, he's, he's deckin'! Remarkable man, my dwarven decker, idn'e, ay? Beautiful methods!
S: His methods don't enter into it. He's stone dead.
F: Nononono, no, no! 'E's decking!
S: All right then, if he's decking', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the dwarf)
'Ello, Mister Dwarven Decker! I've got a lovely fresh credstick for you if you show...(fixer hits his cyberdeck)
F: There, he moved!
S: No, he didn't, that was you hitting his deck!
F: I never!!
S: Yes, you did!
F: I never, never did anything...
S: (yelling and hitting the deck repeatedly) 'ELLO DECKY!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Jacks dwarf out of the deck and thumps his head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
S: Now that's what I call a dead decker.
F: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
S: STUNNED?!?
F: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Deckers stun easily, major.
S: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That decker is definitely deceased, and when I hired ‘im not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that his total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged shadowrun.
F: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
S: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
F: This dwarven decker prefers deckin' on his back! Remarkable man, id'e, squire? Lovely methods!
S: Look, I took the liberty of examining that decker when I got him home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been jacked into its deck in the first place was that the jack had been GLUED there.
(pause)
F: Well, o'course it was glued there! If I hadn't glued that jack down, ‘e would have nuzzled up to that datajack, bent it apart with ‘is nails, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
S: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this dwarf wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
F: No no! 'E's pining!
S: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This decker is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!
'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't glued ‘im to the deck 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!
'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-DECKER!!
(pause)
F: Well, I'd better replace him, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
F: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of deckers.
S: I see. I see, I get the picture.
F: I got a shaman.
(pause)
S: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does he deck?
F: N-n-n-not really.
S: WELL HE'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS HE?!!???!!?
F: Look, if you go to my brother's place in CalFree, he'll replace the decker for you.
S: CalFree, eh? Very well.
The samurai leaves.
The samurai enters the same meeting place. The fixer is putting on a false moustache.
S: This is CalFree, is it?
F: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch.
S: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.
The customer goes to the train station.
He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".
S: I wish to complain, CA-Railways Person.
Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!
S: I beg your pardon...?
A: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!
S: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
A: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these skits out to 200 lines, you know.
S: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the CalFree train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.
A: No, this is Calfree.
S: (to the camera) The fixer's brother was lying!!
A: Can't blame North American Rail for that.
S: In that case, I shall return to the fixer’s!
He does.
S: I understand this IS CalFree.
F: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?
S: You told me it was Ipswitch!
F: ...It was a pun.
S: (pause) A PUN?!?
F: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?
S: (Long pause) A palindrome...?
F: Yeah, that's it!
S: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "CalFree" would be "EerfLac"!! It doesn't work!!
F: Well, what do you want?
S: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!
Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly…
FIN



For those of you who don't get it, it's a rework of Monty Python's dead parrot sketch.

I can't believe you actually rewrote the entire dead parrot sketch

You revived the thread like the fixer revived the decker. Now let it lie.

Street Samurai is watching TV, laying low to keep from getting caught out from the latest run on Ares. Sees a bit about the Gridlink's gone down in the city, and an Ares truck is going the wrong way down the I-85, the exact route the team's rigger's going to be coming along to get to the hideout. Realising that they want things to be kept quiet, he commlinks the Rigger, tells him to avoid the I-85, because some maniac's driving it backwards along it and that'll just draw attention from the 'star.

Rigger replies "It's not just one going the wrong way! It's all of them!"

An elf and a troll falls at the same time from the Seattle Needle.

Which one of them will splat on the floor first?

The elf of course because the troll is so dumb that he will have to stop and ask for directions once in a while.

I still chuckle when I remember the floating bumper incident in my game. I don't remember the exact details, but it does involve a spirit carrying a bumper down the freeway because of inexact orders...causing much mayhem and the group to find out that their bumble was in the news.

What do you call a dead policlubber dropped in a sewer?

A good start.

Damn straight.

Read this thing, cover-to-cover.

Hizz-fricking larious, but nothing made me laugh like the OP did. I was incapacitated for a minute laughing at that one.

What's the difference between a Mitsubishi Nightsky and a Rolls Royce Phaeton? Dunkelzhan wouldn't be cuahgt dead in a Nightsky.

I think the limo he died in was the Rolls Royce.

An envelop arrives Aries corporate headquarters containing a clip out from a gun magazine of there advert

“Aries arms, were number one
just tell us the name and address of anybody that says otherwise”

and a hand written slip of paper.

“Lofwor, penthouse sweat, SK building 1, Berlin”


ok, KremlinKOA came up with it

Edward