or not enough? Maybe

is it. carries a more confrontational tone ("that was just stupid"), while is entirely positive.

~J

But you can never have enough smileys...

~J

And since we can't respond back to your demand for proof with a smiley is proof enough.

A strong young ork at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the dwarf workmen. After several months, Morris had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, halfer," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the ork, he said, "All right. Get in."

Did you hear about the new triad cook book? 101 ways to wok your dog...

Okay, this is more general gaming humor, but it's still too funny not to post.

Bizarro, April 20, 2007

Heh, good one. That was printed today in the Washington Post Express also.

No One expects the Rules Revision

Scene: A gaming table.

GM: There are seven Lone Star officers firing at you!

PC1: How could they firing first? I have high initiative!

GM: It doesn't help.

PC1: Yes it does!

GM: No it doesn't!

PC1: Yes it does! With the new rules changes in 4th edition, it does.

GM: Blimey, I didn't expect some kind of Shadowrun rules revision!

CRASH! Crashing chord! FanPro burst in, screeching.

Rob Boyle: NOBODY expects the Shadowrun rules revision! Our chief change is the game mechanic. And the Matrix. Our TWO chief changes are the game mechanic and the Matrix and the way character creation works. Arg! Our three chief changes are the game mechanic, the Matrix, character creation and the dice pools I'LL COME IN AGAIN!

FanPro runs out.

GM: Err...Blimey, I didn't expect some kind of Shadowrun rules revision.

CRASH!

Rob: Noooooooooooobody expects the Shadowrun rules revision! Amongst our chief changes are such diverse elements as the Matrix, the game mechanic, character creation and dice pools and character stats and oh God. Cardinal Dancey, you'll have to do it.

Dancey: What?

Rob: You'll have to say "our chief changes are..."

Dancey: I couldn't do that.

Rob: Shut up! We'll come in again!

GM: I did not expect some kind of Shadowrun rules revision.

CRASH!

Dancey: Ah! Ah. Nobody....

Rob: Expects...

Dancey: Yes, nobody expects the Shadowrun rules revision. In fact, those who do expect it -

Rob: Our chief changes are....

Dancey: Ah, our chief changes are, um, the Matrix and

Rob: STOP! That's it! Our chief change is the game mechanic!

Dancey: What about the Matrix?

Rob: Oh yes, and the Matrix.

Dancey: And -

Rob: SHUT UP! Now, we find your game lacking on three counts: lacking in dice, lacking in miniatures, lacking in stats and lacking in rules - four, FOUR counts. But you have one last chance! Reject the ways of dicelessness, renounce your house - two, TWO last chances. You have two last chances. Reject the ways of dicelessness, renounce your house rules, return to the fold of 4th ed- THREE last chances, you have THREE LAST CHANCES - and you shall go free. Now...how do you plead?

GM: We're innocent!

Rob: HA! Cardinal Monty! Fetch....the Mountain Dew!!!

CRASHING CHORD! I'll let you imagine the rest....

~*~

Let it be noted that I nothing but the utmost respect for Rob and the rest of the Shadowrun producers--it's just that I saw this as a parody for the cancer-causing game on another site and I couldn't resist adapting it to Shadowrun... (so, yes, it is a parody of a parody of a sketch of surreal British humor)

heehee... [Puss N Boots]Makes me laugh.[/Puss N boots]

...

...now that was a nice bit...

[man seated at desk]...no it wasn't...

...it most certainly was...

[man seated at desk]...no it wasn't...

...Excuse me, All I get here are contradictions. I was looking for House Ruling...

[man seated at desk] Oh, I'm very sorry, this is Rules Lawyering, House Ruling is down the hall, third door to the left....

Thank you, Sorry for the mixup...

[man seated at desk]...no your not...

...yes I am...

[Constable from the Game Police steps in] OK, Stop that! Stop That!, Right, now off with you then. And you, stop reading this!

...it's a fair cop....

[Man seated at Desk] (no it isn't...)

[20 tonne D6 drops on all three from above]

Theres a webcomic that just posted a bit on Shadowrun.

Weregeek

This is the current issue. I don't know if they are going to follow this up or not.

But like he says.....cool.

Four orc gangers tries to bully an elven street sam and his human decker friend and get a few nuyens.
For some reason, the players are unarmed, but the sam tries to intimidate them and so tells me (the GM).
I put my hands in my coat's pocket, pointing my fingers in it to pretend i have a gun in it and tell them : "And with that would you want to negociate ?" clearly looking at my fingers.
I roll a perception test for each : failed, failed, failed, botch !
So i reply :
"Watch out guys ! he's having an erection !" ...

Governor Strouthers, tired and fed up with Lone Star's apparent ineptitude in controlling crime, decides to hold a test for the various police corps that want the job. He releases a rabbit into a nearby forest and each of them has to catch it.

Eagle Security goes in first.
They place animal and spirit informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant, mineral and nature spirit witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

Then Knight Errant goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.

Then Lone Star goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHHAAHAHHAHAAH

bibliophile, you would so get karma if you were in my game!

...same in mine...

Oooh. hmmm... so can I take a rain check on those karma offers for if and when I decide to join one of your forum games in the future?

sure thing

And, although my last joke is going to be hard to top, I have this one to offer...

A young hacker from the streets joins a shadowrunner team, which was lead by a very legendary and powerful adept, who had been running the shadows for years. His entire team looked up to this man, veteran of hundreds of runs, with something that bordered on outright reverence.

But the young hacker noticed something odd about his new leader and, after several runs, he got up the courage to ask the veteran adept, "Sir, why do you always wear that red shirt when we go on runs? It's rather..."

"Conspicuous? Yes, but it serves a purpose."

"Which is...?"

"Well, if I am wounded in combat, the blood won't show up against the red shirt, which keeps you and the others from losing heart midway through the fight."

The young hacker thinks on this for a moment and nods.

Several weeks later, the team of shadowrunners are engaged in a run on a Renraku facility when suddenly klaxons begin to wail and the hacker intercepts deployment orders for over two dozen Red Samurai, all of them converging on their position. He pipes the feeds over to the rest of the group and tries to pinpoint the locations of the Red Samurai, while trying to spoof the system at the same time. He could have sworn, though, that he heard his leader say under his breath, "well... at least I wore my brown pants..."

So is releasing one's bowels a Free Action or Simple Action?

...A simple action, though slightly incapacitating. Happened to one of our team during a spacewalk on a mission to an LEO station as part of Wake of the Comet. Of course he was in a space suit so it got really rank really quick. And then the player then realised why my character Markova spent BPs on an Athletics specialisation in Zero G.

At least he didn't lose his lunch the other way. In Space you don't throw up, you throw out & it sits there floating in front of your face inside your helmet

A Saeber-Krupp lunar exploration vessel is going back to earth. On his radar, the pilot notices something. He immediatly make contact and say:

"Unindentified vessel, please change course immediatly.''

The other replies:

"Negative, you need to change your course immediatly.''

The SK spaceship replies back:

"This is out of the question, I'm fully armed and prepared, with dozens of cannons and enough firepower to destroy a fleet of spacecraft. I command you to change your course immediatly or i will be forced to use deadly retribution, SK064 out.''

The only answer was:

"This is the Eden spacestation, out.''

Alot of nuyen is tainted.

It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

~*~

Ares Winter Holiday Gift-Givers have to do that job due to a clause in their contract.

~*~

Did you hear about the dwarf divining initiate mage who escaped from prison? He's a small medium at large.

~*~

Monofilament swords are always cutting edge technology.

~*~

A shaman was having a problem with a mask spell; each time he cast it, it would work, except occasionally he would look like a wigwam and the next moment he would look like a tepee. Desperately, he went to a wise old medicine man and asked for help. The medicine man looked at him sagely and said, "the problem is simple. You need to relax a bit; you're two tents."

Maybe this thread has had its day too. But I'll add this one more, at least.


In pulling together a team for a job, the decker entered his preferences into the searchable and interactive Shadowland bulletin board (classifieds/profiles): he would like very much to link up with a team rigger with air cover, Roadmaster, and Steel Lynx.

Very soon the 'bot alerted him to a match.

At the meet, he discovered that the other was also a decker pulling together a team for a job -- who had also entered his preferences to link up with a team rigger with air cover, Roadmaster, and Steel Lynx.