hahaha thats great!

An ork ganger named Noodles and a Dwarf Eco-shaman named T.C are helping the orks gang get rid of a Yak noodle shop on the border of their turf. Through liberal use of Chaotic World and assault rifle rounds they narrowly over come the yaks and discover a tent covered in awakened plants in one room of the noodle shop. Bleeding and with 9 boxes of stun from the casting, the Dwarf rips open the dome tent to discover a young Human girl bound to a chair with a ball gag in her mouth. The ork removes the gag and jams his roomsweeper in her face as the dwarf screams " Give Me one good reason not to blow your fraggin head off!!!"

The girl replies" How bout my aunt's name is Rowena O'Malley?"

The ork l lowers the shotgun as the Dwarf replies" Um ...yeah,.... I guess that would do it."

The group is doing a relatively simple wetwork job, kill a former numbers guy who moved up in the mob, and are discussing things...

Desperado (Human Physad, Gunslinger/ Martial Artist): I look at it like this, all of humanity is just trying to get by, he's trying to do his thing. So are we, ours just happens to be killing him...

Tank Girl (Elf Rigger/ Face): So what, if someone was hired to geek you, you wouldn't hold it against them?

Super Dwarf (Dwarf Street Sam with a strength of 17): Yea, Des, I mean there are some thing's ya' gots ta' take personal.

Desperado: Well, I'ld kill the fragger, I'ld put a bullet in their forehead, null sheen. But I wouldn't be mad at them. Unless they had tits like your's T.G., then I'ld find a way to keep them breathin'...

Yes, Desperado was my character.

In the Further adventures of Those That Go "Boom" In The Night...

The team has been hired to protect a wage slave decker (he managed to get ahold of some valuable data.). They take him back to Desperado's apartment and are on the lookout for trouble, they also happen to be raiding Des' fridge...

Tank Girl: Real meat?! How the drek'd a bum like you get real meat? (Des never pays for drinks or cigarette's, for a long time the others thought he was a well dressed hobo.)

Des: Well, see...

Super Dwarf: It's like this, all the beer he mooches off of us means he can afford it, have you seen this fragger's Trid set?

Super Dwarf then points at a wall mounted entertainment system that cost roughly 20K Nuyen.

Tank Girl: What the frag, Des? If you told me you actually had some decent stuff I might not be so pissed when you talk about my tits.



Thus proving Des' motto that women are all superficial...

Those That Go "Boom" In the Night are having a rough day, the Star is after them so they've run across several borders, ending up in Aztlan. In a wild biker/ trucker bar out in the middle of diddly-bupkis nowhere to be precise. Seems they got into a pickle working as legbreakers for the mafia after a cop in Le Familia's pocket decided to go state's evidence. Specifically because Super Dwarf drop kicked said cop in the face with all his frenetic might.


Des: I maintain, if you had let me kick the fragger instead of Super Dwarf, we might not have have to live on chalupas for the next few months....

Super Dwarf finishes his bottle of whiskey and glares: What's so bad about livin' off of chalupas? Besides, this wild west shit is supposed to be right up your alley!

Desperado: well you tell me why living on tex mex is bad when we're laying gas bombs beside your head.

Tank Girl:That is disgusting, true, but disgusting...

Magic Mouse (female midget Troll at only 5'8, and the team's new Shaman): I used to live with other trolls, I have a deoderize spell...

Those that go "Boom" in the night are finally having some good luck, the Star has given up on looking for them, they have new fake SIN's and are back to the lucrative, if dangerous occupation of running Seattle metroplex shadows. They've just taken a job to run some goods to a "political activist group" in the Tir and are on the way there in Tank Girl's new SOTA citymaster she has lovingly customized when Desperado begins eyeing her chest.~

Super Dwarf: Don't do it Des, last time you copped a feel like this she set off the foam canisters....

Magic Mouse: Foam canisters? I don't see any...

Since Super Dwarf took his eyes of the lecherous cowboy physad, Des copped a feel, causing the jacked in Tank Girl to set off foam canisters she had built into the car while Magic Mouse was in mid-sentence, she may have to create a cleansing spell to remove the taste of fire suppressant foam from her mouth...

I don't get it. Why is Rowena O'Malley a key factor?

Mob Boss.

Maybe becouse she's capa di capi of the Seattle Mafia.

Ok, context located. Joke understood. Commencing laughter.

Hee.
Hee.
Hee.

-Bow using adepti puts an arrow into the heart of a ares guard from a 50m... then an arrow into that same arrow-

Adept:Damn.. I need to get better at aiming.
Face: -jaw drops to the floor- But... you split an arrow in half from 50 meters...
Adept: I know...
Face: How the frag is that bad aim?!
Adept: ...I was aiming for his eyes.

I just love that word.

Was it worth it in the end?

"Everyone in the Soybus"

We reffer to the Vista as the Soybus, with it's crazy high body and low armor. Someday we are gonna flavor that thing and eat it.

Isn't everything in SR made from Soy?

Except the soy, of course.

From Des' perspective? Yes, always, Tank Girl in the art the player provided had a set that would make most pinup girls green with envy.

And the Soy is made from people.......ITS MADE OF PEOPLE!!!!

But what are the people made of?

Soy and micoprotein with a side of chrome.

Meat.

<..<
>..>
<..<

(Delicious meat)

Well, you are what you eat, so they are made of Soy.....

GM: "I don't see anything wrong with that. Well.. I mean... I think it would work."

By that logic most of my characters would be made of coffee...

not the funniest moments, but recent stuff I can remember;

player-"I'm gonna shoot out the tires"
GM-"they're runflat tires"
player-"I'm going to keep shooting"

GM-"the drunken Troll calls you humanis scum and stalks towards you"
Player-"I'm gonna hack his commlink"
GM-"make a new character"

GM-"over the door is a security camera slowly swinging your direction"
player-"I'll shoot it out with my Ares Alpha"
gm-"does it have a sound suppressor?"
player"no..."

GM-"three hotel security guards get off the elevator armed with stun batons"
players(standing over a dead body)-"we'll turn ourselves in"
GM-"you have no SINs except Tin-man who has a criminal record for murder"
players-"they got nothin on us"

<3

The last one was the best I think I've tried something like that in the past.

That made me lol

Team Leader: "Right, silent running."

(street sam activates optical camouflage, shaman and mage cast Invis, decker looks around nervously as he has no such stealth ability)

Decker: "Guys? Are you still around or did you leave me alone here? Again?"


---


Corp Guard: "What are you laughing about, jackass? You're the prisoner here."

Runner: "Two Words: Remote Detonator"


---

(non-magical merc character has hacked a limo's computer to backtrack where it has been before. Other team members, unaware of this since it was handled by private written notes between the merc's player and DM, are beating up the driver trying to get the same information.)

Merc: "Guys, stop punching him. Stop it, hold him up." <merc places his hand on driver's head and concentrates> "Allright, I know where we need to go, get rid of this guy."

Other team member: "Wait, what? But you're mundane!"

Merc: "No, you just think I am. Maybe you need to get better at assensing."

(other team member spends the next three runs convinced the merc is a magician)





-karma

good stuff, keep it coming.
i am at work and bored!
and i need to convice more people that i am insane by quit giggles and manical laughter ^^

My character, a Rigger, is in a Doc Wagon hospital recovering from wounds. Our Johnson gets in touch with me and says he needs me to pull a run inside the hospital - extract a corpse from the morgue I believe. Now, I'm relunctant to do anything that would get Doc Wagon pissed at me, cause I need them, so I plan to do this quietly and without hurting anyone. I can't do it salone though, so I call my street sam teammate to come help me.

After quite a bit of crawling and sneaking around, we reach the morgue. We get in, but shit, there is a doctor there. He sees us, and starts running for the alarm. I say "Quick, stop him!" to the sammy, expecting him to run and tackle him or something. This is what happens instead:

sammy: "I shoot him with my ExEx"
me: "WHAT!!?? We have to be quiet!!!"
sammy: "Oh, right. I shoot him in the lungs, that way he can't scream"
me: *facepalm*

Get to the chopper!!!!

Sometimes I feel like I'm parralel parked in a diagonal universe.

Sometimes I feel like I'm parallel parked in a diagonal universe.

New player:"I'm an explosives expert."
Well seasoned GM:"*sigh* so you mean an explosives enthusiast..."

New player2:"I am an infiltration and stealth specialist!"
Well Seasoned GM:"so your a burglar..."

GM:"He says you will be meeting at a French restaurant, que calling montage"
...
Me:"Oh Ato by the way its a French place hope you like fries..."
GM:"I'M GOING TO BREAK THIS KEYBOARD OVER YOUR HEAD!"
...
Me:"Its also a French place hope you like toast..."
GM:"GOD I'M GOING TO STAB YOU!"

"I set the mortar to 'stun'!"

A team member to my character after I propose we slit a guard's throat in a silent take down.

"You're a sniper sharpshooter! You have a gun with a silencer! What is your obsession with slitting throats and stabbing people?"

Oi Chums,

After extracting several young and recently poked, prodded and generally screwed with Technomancers from corp facility A and transferring them to Corp B some of the team looked a little down in the mouth and were wondering "How can we do this to those poor kids."
To get the poor Techno bastards to come along with the extraction they were told they were being liberated.
The Teams face looked everyone over at the table and said "Don't like it?" " Become a Florist!" I just about died laughing but as a good GM I remained quiet and let the moral tension of the moment linger.

Team Leader: We need a distraction
Clyde: I shoot my panther at the port-a-potty's
GM: They explode
Team Leader: Was anyone inside?
GM: Not anymore

----------------------

Clyde: I shoot the dwarf with the Panther
[Dice Roll]
Clyde (OOC): Stares at roll for a long time - I missed? I never miss!
GM: The shell flys over the Dwarf's head and hits the stack of crushed cars behind him, it starts raining car parts.

Huh, potent quotables...

Hmmm... Lesseee...

My Catshaman (played by me) lurks on the new decker in the party in astral space, when he was changing his pants.
Said player had never played with me and he was very.. Conscious of playing with a woman. Watching his language, manners and being oh so very. Polished. His character was a very.. Uptight decker with certain misconceptions about women (fragile, to be protected at all costs etc).
Well..

Me: You look kinda spiffy, young man. Nice posterior, though you need to work on them abs.
Him: But you can't see me.
Me: I am a CATshaman and I like to play, what do you think?
Him: But... *player blushes furiously*

The team street sam/face, locked in a fight with the mage (Ox), an ex-teammate our team was supposed to kill. She sprays a ton of indiscriminate automatic fire all over the place at one point. Naturally, the mage has a shield up and it misses him entirely. Keep in mind, this is an enclosed, subterranean room that the mage had been using for some experiments. To the horror of everyone at the table, the GM describes the shattering and utter annihilation of the gigantic egg and unborn baby dragon. Both our mage-mark and the street sam stop. Rooms away, the hacker and the rigger stop. Out of character, there is a solid three minutes of everyone at the table gaping and staring at each other. The rigger cries.

Then the Street Sam looks at her gun, the dead baby dragon, our mark, her gun, and then the mark. She looks up in absolute horror, and quietly asks, "Ox, how could you?" One heartbeat later, in and out of character, the hacker pulls all video footage from that room, including the data from the 'Sam's smartgun and cybereyes, and starts furiously destroying or editing all of it. And although the mark can't hear it, the hacker accuses into the team network, "Yeah, Ox. How could you?"

Mage after knocking out a dockworker with Stunbolt in plain view of many bystanders: Oh my! This man has fainted from heatstroke!
GM: *facepalm*

Mage after knocking out several dockworkers with Stunball: Holy moley! Its a heatstroke epidemic!
GM: Yeah...an alarm has been raised.

So, one of my friends is gm'ing again, and let me dust off Des, in point of fact the setup was rescuing Des' old crew after a classic black bag night of coordinated hits in which the nice men in milspec armor with ruthenium coating fail to take down the cowboy. Des calls up contacts, friends who owe him favors, and anyone he can intimidate into fanning through their virtual rolodex to put together a team since he figures even he will not be able to rescue the others without help, meeting them in his favorite bar, the Biskey Whack. The lineup is Slam (Troll ganger/ street sam wannabe and pyromaniac), Toyoda (Rigger/hacker, no one but the player and gm know his race because all interactions have taken place via a Bust-A-Move modded to look like a certain little green jedi master), and Hellion (veeeeeery cute elf girl combat mage, new focus of Desperado's lechery). They are all sitting around a table listening to the cowboy's sales pitch on why they should work with him.


Des: Listen, I can't pay you what this job is worth, I'm not gonna lie about that, what I can do is work with you on other stuff, put you in touch with people. I've been in the shadows longer than all of you put together and if you help me out, I'll help you get the big paychecks.

Slam: Frag that, yer friends, not mine. Pay or blow, breeder.

Toyada:Listen, we should, heard of Desperado have I, good his word is.

Hellion: Ya? So've I, guy's a pig who thinks with his guns at best, why should we put up with your shit, old man?

Des sighs, smiles, and shakes his head.

Slam: Ya, if yer' so great, why don't you do it yerself?

Des: Because, I may be the man, but anyone in this biz knows to hedge their bets, chummer, the fact you needed to ask that shows how bad you need breaking in. If I don't break your neck. Now, say "yes sir, we'd love to work with a man with your reputation" before I put another layer of red on my spurs.

One successfull intimidate check later Des is leading, and teaching, a new team while they track down info on his old one.

Some years ago, I had an Ork named Cletus. He had minimal cyberware, save for his tricked out obvious cyberarm. Shock palm, cyberarm gyro, arm slide, all the toys. He and the rest of the team were following up on a lead on a package that ended up being fissile material, and the holders in question were ecoterrorists like Winternight without their resources.

Cut to the mage and Cletus tracking them down at a high-rise hotel downtown. His disguise for this happens to be a white linen suit so he looks like an Ork Colonel Sanders, and he knocks on the door.

Cletus: Ho'tel Administration.
<Con check succeeds>
Bads: Hold on!

As soon as the door begins to open, he kicks it in and charges inside, assailing the terrified people within with his fists of electric fury. Eager to get the information and swag they were holding and get out, he decided to roll with the 'hotel admin' story. The bads in question happened to be puffing on ganja at the time, and he was beating the ever-loving crap out of these people.

Bads: WHAT ARE YOU DOING DUDE THIS STUFF IS TOTALLY LEGAL
Cletus: ...THIS IS A NON-SMOKING ROOM!

Talking about random other stuff before game while baking the Pizza, and discussing events from previous game

"You should have told him I've got a whole clip of shut the fuck up right here"

Our group consists of a minotaur/cybertroll named André; an albino changeling, the Face, named Tykell; Tom, the troll shaman, and me, the hacker called "the Runt".


The shaman Tom, assensing a lost little kitty he took home, and getting three hits:

"Tom finds the kitty's aura to be adorable."

---

Sitting in the safehouse:

André shuffles slightly, hair flickering yellow as he does. He nods to Tom, turning to Tykell and Andy.

Tom: ...You have very expressive hair, Andre.

The Runt whispers, "Make it pink."

---

Also from the minotaur:

André: "Small guns, S-M-G."

Face responding to thumps while with the team in back of (my) rigger's RV "What was that?"
Me/Rigger: Speed bumps
Face: Wasn't aware there were speed bumps in this area
Me: Well you might call them something fancy, like pedestrians
Rest of the team just stares at me
Me: What?

This isn't one of mine, but it inspired a legendary character.

"Hey, Fixer? We need another troll. Yes, I know that's the third one this week. No, don't tell him that!"

While conducting a B&E:

Having just rolled Perception, I was the only one who scores a good number of hits. GM hands me a folded note.

Street Sam (Me): "Uh, guys, why didn't you let me take out the lamp post?"
Mage (the only one with an autopicker): "I need the light to see by. Besides, this is the Barrens, this shit happens all the time."
Sam: "The edge of the Barrens.
Hacker: "Barrens. Nuff said."
Sam: "But I don't think its legal."
Mage: "Who the fuck cares if its legal?"
Sam: "I don't know. Maybe the Knights Errant pointing guns at us?"


I ran an elven face/gunslinger with a group of guys who'd never played SR before. These were my Warhammer crew, and this was the first time I had ever played an RPG with any of them. They were completely and uttlery astounded with my RP and as the face (and the only elf in a crew of orks) I was rapidly being seen as the group leader. The GM was running "On the Run," and we were coming to the part where you have to go talk to Nabo the rockstar. We showed up before the concert started. I had talked us in past the ganger guards outside, past the guards inside, the bartender, the bouncers at the stage, and Nabo's drug-addicted ganger leader (the name escapes me). It was literally 30 mins of "That was GREAT. Don't bother rolling dice, you're in."

So we get in and I drop the act while talking to Nabo. "Where's the commlink?" "Who offered to sell you the disc?" and various such comments. I'm rolling like an ace on my intimidation and interrogation tests, but Nabo's apparently clueless.....

Me: I draw my Elans. "Tell me what I need to know."
GM as Nabo: "I dunno what you're talking about!"
Me: "You like cheese?"
Confused looks appear on the faces of all players and the GM, but they roll with it.
Nabo: "What. . . what does that have to do with anything?"
Me: "Do. You. Like. Cheese."
Nabo: "Sure, yeah, I like cheese."
Me: "American? Provolone?"
GM is still completely clueless but walks right into it.
Nabo: "Nah, I'm a swiss kind of guy."
Me: "Good. Because if you don't answer my question, I'm going fill you full of holes."


And then there was the ork hacker with five levels in Conspiracy Theories who was firmly convinced that Horizon was led by a bunch of peoples' brains in jars wired to the Matrix. The number of jokes spawned by that is entirely too high to remember them all.

Something to the effect of "Seriously? The quadriplegic hacker has cybernetic genital enhancement?"
Other player, "Well he would make a great distraction, roll him into the middle of the room with it activated. No one will notice the rest of us."

Ganger: YOU GOT A PROBLEM!?

Tony (Heavily cybered Orc with high automatics): Yeah I got a problem. MY GUN HAS TOO MANY BULLETS.

New guy at the game and team...

While running to the meet a group of thrill gangers go after the TM (me)...

New guy in char "Damn should we help?"
Troll combat monkey "Hey it's their fault for picking on her, not our problem"
New guy" Wha.. wait I mean help her!?"
Mage "Dude... watch and learn."

Fight ensures... TM slaps on antidote patch for pepper punch, drops a gas grenade + thermal smoke. Gangers all fail their resitances... TM uses ultrasound.. 5 shots ring out. Smoke and gas fades aways..

Tm is sitting on top of a dead ganger looking at her gun and sighs "I forgot I had the good stuff loaded, need to get some more EX-Ex from jones"

New guy "oh shi.."
Team Face "Yep, she's scary...just imagine if she was vindictive"