QUOTE (ravensmuse @ Oct 22 2010, 07:13 PM)

Brother, I'd rather this conversation than that one.
And before we truly get into this? I want to say that if you and I end up at Gencon next year, we should talk. Hang out. Play a game together. Because it sounds like you got saddled with some really terrible GMs, and you need some good experiences with traditional gaming. Believe me, I'll set you in a group with my girlfriend - one of the most creative roleplayers I know - and we'll go to town. I'll pick the game, and we'll go at it.
I wish we could, unfortunately I'm in Germany, and I don't even normally go to roleplaying conventions, here. But thanks a LOT for the offer, it's great to get this kind of sympathy on the internet

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(Shadowrun: bringing people together thanks to shooting people in the face for money)
Anyway.
You and I want the same goal out of gaming: you want an entertaining, enriching experience with friends. What differs is that you and I approach it from different angles: I like to have some hand in control to keep my players reined in when they get wet and wild, and you feel that a consensus will eventually be achieved with everyone getting to contribute. Same goals, different approach.
Well... I don't feel a consensus WILL be achieved, I wish a consensus were achieved. I think players need to be given responsibility.
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I'm a "Yes" GM. If you search my posts here on Dumpshock (which I recently did; god, I'm a chipper little bugger when I want to be) you'll see that I'm pretty fluid when it comes to concept, character, and conceit. I love all sorts of things that most other GMs would probably turn their nose up at - and I like to have a group having fun. This comes with unfortunately needed concessions, however; in order to do this, you have to get very, very familiar with the bunch of people that you're playing with. Some aren't comfortable with heavy in character roleplaying. Some get bored during combat. Some want to kind of "observe" (as someone else was saying earlier) and interact only when it's absolutely necessary.
Well, that's sometimes directly a consequence of the game and the character you're playing. In my last D&D campaign as a player I put a lot of effort into the numbers, because it was slated as a combat heavy campaign, but I wrote a nice little background, too, got a motivation, and everthing. However, I still had to sit back when social stuff was going on, because - in D&D - you generally also want the social encounters and puzzles to succeed, and my character would have ruined everything by blundering through them. What made it harder was that it was basically a nonsense world - it was impossible to take the world seriously, hence all possibly INTERESTING decisions - moral or otherwise - were usually made on a, well... computer game level.
On the other hand, in my currently dorman Epic D&D campaign I can and (have to) do everything, because I took specific care to build a jack of all trades.
But what kills it for me is just bad table atmosphere. When everyone is only joking around or talking about a lot of different things, then I just can't get into the roleplaying. Which is why I would like some numbers, or at least some simple mechanics for that, too. People can't ignore it if it's in the damn book.
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So you need to know where the lines have to be drawn, and what best to do in order to get everyone at the table on the same page. Y'know?
This is really one of the hardest things - finding like-minded people. It's not that I can't compromise, I do every day, but at some point I would just love to have a few people who are just on the same track as I am.
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Here's the thing, and it sucks to have to say it: you need to be an advocate for what you want. You say that you're frustrated with how current traditional games are played? Then you need to speak up and say as much. Do you have a group currently? What are you guys playing? Do you have any input? It sounds like you do, but it sounds like they're deeply entrenched traditional gamers, and you're a single, frustrated guy trying to get something he enjoys out of the experience.
This is where so many indie ideas and concepts come out. Frustration is often the root of creativity.
Try this: see if you can't get your group to let you GM at some point, and pick a game that you would like to play - I'd suggest a traditional game, like Exalted, which has a traditional base but introduces things like stunt mechanics, drama dice, and social combat.
Heh, I DO advocate. I'm in fact confrontative as hell (which is sometimes less than productive, but...). I've quarrelled and argued with people for ages about my ideas. But it doesn't help if you can't persuade them. I'm a very bad salesperson, that's for sure

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It doesn't help that I'm probably a bad GM. At least, I can't seem to manage to hold a group's interest at the table for too long, even though I always put a lot of effort into things. I started GMing a sandbox D&D E6 campaign and ended up mucking it up because my players didn't want what I wanted - and that was to combine mechanical effectiveness with interesting characters and concepts, and essentially a gameworld generated at random. And I even told them up front, I expect people to hold their own in combat, because they were supposed to be elite successors to their respective hierarchies. I expect people to write nice backgrounds. And I allowed EVERYTHING. But then - completely atypically - they only wrote backgrounds and otherwise made completely inept characters. Even those that usually powergamed to no end. And at that point I tend to not give in. If the entire game calls for the the characters to be specially powerful, and they are not, then what can I do? I bogged things down with lengthy combat, and when the first guy left, they all did. The guy's argument at the time was "I don't like E6", when in fact it was probably, "I'm too lazy to build a character that is both interesting to me, and also effective within the game." This same guy is actually quite the optimiser in other games. And he didn't WANT my help.
If I have the time I'm going to try repeating this as a PbP, some day.
I tried GMing Exalted a few years ago, too. Loved the concept of the game. It started out really nicely, and I did it as a traditional game, too. None of us had a complete grasp of the rules, but that was ok, we could adlib things. But then - and this was actually first - that same guy suddenly said "I just don't like the focus of the game." See a pattern? And he's a nice guy, that's the trouble, they all are. To the point that they won't tell you what is really wrong with my games, instead they invent excuses.
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Don't force them into using these rules. Play like you usually would. But slowly, introduce those mechanics to them - put them into a situation where they have to use social combat, but in an easy format - like trying to convert farmers to their cause or something. Not something that's going to have a huge amount of challenge to their characters, but enough to give the players a taste. Slowly introduce stunting by saying things like, "okay, so you want to swing your sword. In your head, how does it look?" and give out the relevant bennies. If you give them the proper encouragement, they'll feel more at ease at using these aspects of the system, and they'll hopefully catch on and keep going with it.
Once they're comfortable with Exalted, get them to try something a little less traditional and a little more in your vein. I'm not huge on the indie games so I can't give really great examples, but you should know something you've wanted to try. Do it with them again - say things like, "okay, remember how stunting could give you motes of essence back, or willpower? Well, in this game, you do similar with..."
Well... as I said, they didn't like exalted, except one other guy. I couldn't make them stick to it. I couldn't make them play my sandbox, either.
The only really good table campaign I had was a simpled down SR3 fun campaign. No magic, no megacons. The group were pirates for hire in South East Asia (yes, I basically copied Black Lagoon into Shadowrun). It worked really well, and people were having a lot of fun. It was also very open, with outside events mostly happening upon request. Unfortunately one guy moved away, and we then decided to quit, because only two players were left. Well, now SR4, we'll see. When the campaign started, I didn't have a good enough understanding of the rules, so I didn't want to GM. The others didn't wnat to play SR3, again. As of now, they only thing really bugging me is the stupid table atmosphere. The GM isn't exactly good at creating a mood, either...
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This is also a key towards getting another thing you want: it'll make introducing elements like that into Shadowrun and D&D easier for you. Even something as simple as saying, "provide me a character sheet with a history and answering the 20 Questions and I'll give you an extra couple BP for whatever," can encourage players to get more "into" their characters. And when they start providing descriptions for what their characters are doing? Give them some situation modifiers. If they stay really well in character? Karma. If they're doing a great job roleplaying a social encounter with a Johnson or whomever? Forget the roll.
Here, well, giving bonus BP or starting karma for a background is good. I disagree about forgetting the roll, because if you do that, then you're giving an unfair advantage to the "actors". Sure it's often very fun doing that, or just watching people do it, but in a mechanical game things should be based on mechanics.
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And if your players don't bite? You need to walk away, even if they're friends. You're not getting what you want out of their games, and there are other ways to socialize with them. As the saying goes: no gaming is better than unfulfilling gaming, and right now? You're feeling unfulfilled.
I'm not sure. I'm not a scene gamer. I don't go to stores, I don't go to conventions, I only go to LARPs occasionally. I only game with my colleages and friends. From my experience, it won't be easier finding new players than quarrelling with the old lot. Well... right now I don't have time for more, anyway. I just want my fix at least once every two weeks

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Let me give you a quick example:
Recently, I was helping a friend out with Encounters at a local store. He had a table that was too stuffed with people for one GM, so I offered to split some of them off. It was a table full of young teenagers that had almost never before raised a dice and rolled them. Perfect! Blank slate, right?
I did things slowly. I broke the ice by using my favorite joke (rocks fall. Everyone dies. Including, *point at one player* YOU) and we got down to brass tacks. I was lucky to have my girlfriend there, and helped out the players I couldn't devote attention to.
But the reason I tell you this is twofold: we were playing D&D 4e, which is like, the most traditional game out there, right? Even still, with just a little description on my part, and a little encouragment from the rest of the table, the players got wacky. They started standing out of their chairs, telling florid descriptions of how they cut brigands down and what they were going to do afterward. I didn't do anything like give them experience or drama points or anything like that - just by saying, "man, that's really cool! What else do you do?" helped them out so much.
The other is that it's very, very important to give newbies a good headstart. You're a shining example of this, man! You're the result of a GM on a powertrip screwing up your formative years. Do you want new players to have the same kind of experience you do? Hell no, right?
I recently tried to convince my colleages to try some gaming. We tried Microlite20, a miniscule system almost without rules. The trouble was: One guy was too timid, another girl wanted more action, and my girlfriend was the only one who wanted to go on with it. People had trouble seeing their characters because almost every sheet looked numerically the same. But they were also not willing to start reading more complicated rules. It's very hard convincing people to do that if it doesn't click with them almost instantly.
Even my girlfriend, she's fine while we're playing, but it's totally alien to her to think about roleplaying unless I suggest it.
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I've said it before, and I'll say it again: we need to be the advocates out there. We need to go to these conventions, fill out tables, and teach people to play the games that we love - or no one else is ever going to love them. And even if we don't reach every new player sitting at our table, we can still at least give them a good time for a few hours, right?
I totally agree with you on things man, and I'm glad for this opportunity to once again address concerns that I have about this hobby. The only way we'll ever get a better, more friendly environment is by going out there and being the teachers and advocates we wanted when we were younger.
When I was younger I didn't know how things could go differently. A lot of times I sucked it up because I liked the character and the campaign was still fun, in spite of the shoddy GMing. I'm here trying to improve my narrow circles, and whoever I can reach over the internet. If I had more time I would run more PbPs, but I can only manage one right now.
So... yeah. Now I can't think of a good final point to make

. I'll just leave it at that, then.