No no. You need to find whatever passes for DNA in your girlfriend, recombine it with yours, and add the DNA of some of the three other strongest PhysAds you can find.
Full Version: Ask Ancient History
AH, is an army of vatnijas from his own DNA really that good an idea? If you have a thousand missiles that are 100% identical to each other, and you figure out how to jam one, you jam them all.
No no. You need to find whatever passes for DNA in your girlfriend, recombine it with yours, and add the DNA of some of the three other strongest PhysAds you can find.
No no. You need to find whatever passes for DNA in your girlfriend, recombine it with yours, and add the DNA of some of the three other strongest PhysAds you can find.
No, no no. Recombinant DNA. They take a bunch of your sperm, turn half of 'em into eggs and Whammo! They're all your kids and they're not identical.
| QUOTE (SL James @ Jul 24 2005, 02:36 AM) |
| The sad thing is that if I were to hunt you down and set you on fire I would be the one to go to jail. |
No, the sad thing is that i'm serious ^-^. That was all in character.
and, as for other strong phys ads? i'm the strongest we've ever encountered. Other phys ads are gorram wimps.
| QUOTE (Chibu) | ||
No, the sad thing is that i'm serious ^-^. That was all in character. and, as for other strong phys ads? i'm the strongest we've ever encountered. Other phys ads are gorram wimps. |
Wot is ur pwr lvl? I must go tRAIN!!!11
*Gets beaten up for eight episodes, is about to be vanquished once and for all*
"Oh wait, I forgot to tell you. Remember when I told you I'm power level 80? I meant 80 bajillion."
*Proceeds to wipe the floor with physad for six episodes until the physad reveals himself to be power level 80 bajillion and two*
~J
"Oh wait, I forgot to tell you. Remember when I told you I'm power level 80? I meant 80 bajillion."
*Proceeds to wipe the floor with physad for six episodes until the physad reveals himself to be power level 80 bajillion and two*
~J
I think the Chibu has around 180 karma and is something like a grade 6.
He kills people with playing cards. And the weird contacts he got through role playing, and going through Harlequin. Oh, and he found the stuff on pattern majic in Erahn's study. It's going to take him a while to figure that one out.
He kills people with playing cards. And the weird contacts he got through role playing, and going through Harlequin. Oh, and he found the stuff on pattern majic in Erahn's study. It's going to take him a while to figure that one out.
| QUOTE (Kagetenshi) |
| *Gets beaten up for eight episodes, is about to be vanquished once and for all* "Oh wait, I forgot to tell you. Remember when I told you I'm power level 80? I meant 80 bajillion." *Proceeds to wipe the floor with physad for six episodes until the physad reveals himself to be power level 80 bajillion and two* ~J |
*cookie*
| QUOTE (Mortax) |
| I think the Chibu has around 180 karma and is something like a grade 6. He kills people with playing cards. And the weird contacts he got through role playing, and going through Harlequin. Oh, and he found the stuff on pattern majic in Erahn's study. It's going to take him a while to figure that one out. |
If he's never "encountered" a phys-ad as powerfull as he is, it's because his GM hasn't seen fit to make it happen.
Remember folks, it's a *fictional* world populated by *fictional* characters, and it's a story the group makes up as it goes along... If it's entertaining to you to never meet a phys-ad as powerful as you are, well then godbless you, but that's not my kind of story.
(note: where *fictional* appears, I'm making Ben Affleck finger gestures.)
Remember folks, it's a *fictional* world populated by *fictional* characters, and it's a story the group makes up as it goes along... If it's entertaining to you to never meet a phys-ad as powerful as you are, well then godbless you, but that's not my kind of story.
(note: where *fictional* appears, I'm making Ben Affleck finger gestures.)
Hey, I'm just dandy with people never meeting people who outclass them in their specialty. Doesn't mean they don't meet people who outclass them all told.
~J
~J
"You've been eaten by a grue."
Next time, try rubbing it's belly.
| QUOTE (Mortax @ Jul 24 2005, 03:51 PM) |
| I think the Chibu has around 180 karma and is something like a grade 6. He kills people with playing cards. And the weird contacts he got through role playing, and going through Harlequin. Oh, and he found the stuff on pattern majic in Erahn's study. It's going to take him a while to figure that one out. |
What? That's all?
Frankly, I'm dissapointed. I would expect the world's most powerful adept to be at LEAST grade 12, and a magician adept... with a super-smartlink... and a Force 8 Free Spirit permanently bound within his body giving him Immunity To Normal Weapons and 3-D movement.
I mean, how else are you gonna beat the Predator Omega?
That said,
Dear Ancient History:
Long time reader, first time writer. I'm a fairly strong mage in the Shadows, and I've done real good for myself, but I've got this slight problem with a teammate of mine. You see we've been running the Shadows together for a long while now, and we've come to realize that we hate each other. A lot. But since we work so well together, and we've made a name for ourselves as a team, no Johnson will hire either of us solo, something about me being a 'dangerous sociopath with too much power' and her being 'unable to carry a team herself', and drek like that. So we've been trying to kill each other off for the past six months. Okay, so maybe it's just me trying to kill her, but she just won't die! I've tried everything I can think of: not giving her spell defence against magical opponents, not warning her of the security ambush I spotted while doing Astral Recon, 'accidentally' having an elemental engulph her along with whoever she's in melee with, pointing a loaded gun at her and pulling the trigger, casting force 10 laser spells at her head while she sleeps. None of it's worked. The last thing I tried was planting a C-12 bomb in her toilet, and that one was set off by some random guy using her bathroom!
This is driving me nuts, tell me AH, am I cursed forever? Or is there some way to break the cycle?
- Elficidally frustrated
| QUOTE (Kagetenshi) |
| Hey, I'm just dandy with people never meeting people who outclass them in their specialty. Doesn't mean they don't meet people who outclass them all told. ~J |
true enough.
Ancient History: Great thread <3
| QUOTE (Kagetenshi) |
| Hey, I'm just dandy with people never meeting people who outclass them in their specialty. Doesn't mean they don't meet people who outclass them all told. ~J |
Of course, he has almost died twice to random guard A.
He just uses a lot of stealth, but the few times he has been hit he's almost bought it.
Course that happens with a body of 3.
Then again, I was planning a corp penitration run.........
@chatters: SSSSH! AH is trying to work here! 
Sorry. While I'm here....
Dear AH,
I'm a vampire that has been around for a few millenium. I do the best I can to keep the infection of my kind from spreading. I've seen a lot, committed atrocities and precented them. But I'm growing tired of this parascitic existance.
I'm currently serching for a way to make myself human again. I've enlisted the help of several shadowrunners, but I am unsure how to proced. Any advice on how to become human again? Or at least remove my need to drain essence.
Respectfully,
Ille Mortem
While I'm here....Dear AH,
I'm a vampire that has been around for a few millenium. I do the best I can to keep the infection of my kind from spreading. I've seen a lot, committed atrocities and precented them. But I'm growing tired of this parascitic existance.
I'm currently serching for a way to make myself human again. I've enlisted the help of several shadowrunners, but I am unsure how to proced. Any advice on how to become human again? Or at least remove my need to drain essence.
Respectfully,
Ille Mortem
| QUOTE (Sharaloth) |
Dear Ancient History: Long time reader, first time writer. I'm a fairly strong mage in the Shadows, and I've done real good for myself, but I've got this slight problem with a teammate of mine. You see we've been running the Shadows together for a long while now, and we've come to realize that we hate each other. A lot. But since we work so well together, and we've made a name for ourselves as a team, no Johnson will hire either of us solo, something about me being a 'dangerous sociopath with too much power' and her being 'unable to carry a team herself', and drek like that. So we've been trying to kill each other off for the past six months. Okay, so maybe it's just me trying to kill her, but she just won't die! I've tried everything I can think of: not giving her spell defence against magical opponents, not warning her of the security ambush I spotted while doing Astral Recon, 'accidentally' having an elemental engulph her along with whoever she's in melee with, pointing a loaded gun at her and pulling the trigger, casting force 10 laser spells at her head while she sleeps. None of it's worked. The last thing I tried was planting a C-12 bomb in her toilet, and that one was set off by some random guy using her bathroom! This is driving me nuts, tell me AH, am I cursed forever? Or is there some way to break the cycle? - Elficidally frustrated |
Dear Elficidally,
I understand. According to what they teach us in college, many metahumans your age begin to have performance issues. Your feelings of being constricted due to longtime partnership are not so different from those suffered by couples in "traditional" marriages. I suggest you seek professional outside assistance to deal with the issues you and your partner are having.
-AH
| QUOTE (Mortax) |
| Dear AH, I'm a vampire that has been around for a few millenium. I do the best I can to keep the infection of my kind from spreading. I've seen a lot, committed atrocities and precented them. But I'm growing tired of this parascitic existance. I'm currently serching for a way to make myself human again. I've enlisted the help of several shadowrunners, but I am unsure how to proced. Any advice on how to become human again? Or at least remove my need to drain essence. Respectfully, Ille Mortem |
Dear Ille,
My, English can be such a taxing language, can't it? All that proper spelling and whatnot.
Your best bet at becoming human is to seek out the hidden page of Simons Occult Bestiary, a neo-Mideval rendition of the popular Patterson's Guide with notes to talismongers on the particular parts of the beasts useful in enchanting, as well as the spells necessary to combat and slay the beasts. A rare and difficult work to locate, although I can leave you one clue:
Deep in the dark gramarye
The ancient load of lore
Thy hidden page lay waiting
A manque desired sore
-AH
Dear AH,
I've been running in Seattle for a while, though I've kept my own identity. I live in quite an affluent neighborhood, and I love it. But I love running too. Sadly, after ten years in the same location, people are starting to wise up. I'm running out of excuses for my long nights and slowly-dropping Essence (need to stay on top of the SOTA, after all). I don't want to give up running, but I don't want to lose any of the perks of my lifestyle. And if I relocate to D.C. or the CAS, I'd have to start at the bottom of the food chain again. What can I do?
-Socialite in Seattle
I've been running in Seattle for a while, though I've kept my own identity. I live in quite an affluent neighborhood, and I love it. But I love running too. Sadly, after ten years in the same location, people are starting to wise up. I'm running out of excuses for my long nights and slowly-dropping Essence (need to stay on top of the SOTA, after all). I don't want to give up running, but I don't want to lose any of the perks of my lifestyle. And if I relocate to D.C. or the CAS, I'd have to start at the bottom of the food chain again. What can I do?
-Socialite in Seattle
| QUOTE (CirclMastr) |
| Dear AH, I've been running in Seattle for a while, though I've kept my own identity. I live in quite an affluent neighborhood, and I love it. But I love running too. Sadly, after ten years in the same location, people are starting to wise up. I'm running out of excuses for my long nights and slowly-dropping Essence (need to stay on top of the SOTA, after all). I don't want to give up running, but I don't want to lose any of the perks of my lifestyle. And if I relocate to D.C. or the CAS, I'd have to start at the bottom of the food chain again. What can I do? -Socialite in Seattle |
Dear Socialite,
Initiate the Stepford Neighbors Program. Invite your neighbors over for dinner, dose them with laés and reprogram their memories. Hell, start a supper club and get 'em every couple of months. It'll do wonders for your social life, too. Who knows, you might eventually get a job, marry, become respectable.
[ Spoiler ]
-AH
Dear AH,
First time caller, and I love your show.
I am a respectable business man with a terrible secret - I'm a ghoul. Up til this point I've kept things under wraps - only eating from a mortuary I own, filing my nails...but I think one of my business partners has found out and now is attempting to blackmail me. I really want to just kill him and make him disappear, but I don't know where he's stashed the "material" that he's got against me, and I don't know any "Shadowrunners" because I'm not in that side of the business.
Any advice or referrals you can give me?
Sincerely,
Graveyard Blackmail
First time caller, and I love your show.
I am a respectable business man with a terrible secret - I'm a ghoul. Up til this point I've kept things under wraps - only eating from a mortuary I own, filing my nails...but I think one of my business partners has found out and now is attempting to blackmail me. I really want to just kill him and make him disappear, but I don't know where he's stashed the "material" that he's got against me, and I don't know any "Shadowrunners" because I'm not in that side of the business.
Any advice or referrals you can give me?
Sincerely,
Graveyard Blackmail
| QUOTE (DocMortand) |
| Dear AH, First time caller, and I love your show. I am a respectable business man with a terrible secret - I'm a ghoul. Up til this point I've kept things under wraps - only eating from a mortuary I own, filing my nails...but I think one of my business partners has found out and now is attempting to blackmail me. I really want to just kill him and make him disappear, but I don't know where he's stashed the "material" that he's got against me, and I don't know any "Shadowrunners" because I'm not in that side of the business. Any advice or referrals you can give me? Sincerely, Graveyard Blackmail |
<Dammit, my screener's getting lax again>
Dear Gravebreath,
Your best option would be to fuck with his head a little-try putting fresh deli-made sandwiches in the break room with lots of thin-cut white chicken breast or pork. Then saddle over while he's biting into one and start dropping some loaded comments.
Then you can infect him. Your choice as to how...biting, slipping a cc of blood into his coffee, raping him...but it should give you the advantage you need over him.
-AH
Oooo...hadn't thought of that. Thanks, AH!
Dear AH,
So when are you going to reveal that you're a toxic spirit bent on destroying as many lives as you can?
Oops, probably should have used a spoiler tag on that. Oh well
-Truth in Tacoma
So when are you going to reveal that you're a toxic spirit bent on destroying as many lives as you can?
Oops, probably should have used a spoiler tag on that. Oh well
-Truth in Tacoma
| QUOTE (CirclMastr) |
| Dear AH, So when are you going to reveal that you're a toxic spirit bent on destroying as many lives as you can? Oops, probably should have used a spoiler tag on that. Oh well -Truth in Tacoma |
Dear Truth,
Wanna make a deal, mister? I have very reasonable rates...
-AH
Dear AH,
I'm a dwarf in my early fifties and I'm nearly engaged to a 20-year old sweet young thing, the generation gap is surmountable (though any advice I'd appreciate), but the main thing is that she's human. I'd like to note that she's average sized for her type so no jokes there please. And yes, she knows I'm a halfer. At her maximum lifespan (and man those last years are going to be harsh even with Leonization if we have the cred) I'll be barely middle aged. I'm by no means immortal and I'd love spending at least a solid decade or so with the girl, but is it worth it for the long haul or should I invest that time with someone of my own metarace?
Sincerely,
Ageless in Atlanta
I'm a dwarf in my early fifties and I'm nearly engaged to a 20-year old sweet young thing, the generation gap is surmountable (though any advice I'd appreciate), but the main thing is that she's human. I'd like to note that she's average sized for her type so no jokes there please. And yes, she knows I'm a halfer. At her maximum lifespan (and man those last years are going to be harsh even with Leonization if we have the cred) I'll be barely middle aged. I'm by no means immortal and I'd love spending at least a solid decade or so with the girl, but is it worth it for the long haul or should I invest that time with someone of my own metarace?
Sincerely,
Ageless in Atlanta
| QUOTE (ShieldT) |
| Dear AH, I'm a dwarf in my early fifties and I'm nearly engaged to a 20-year old sweet young thing, the generation gap is surmountable (though any advice I'd appreciate), but the main thing is that she's human. I'd like to note that she's average sized for her type so no jokes there please. And yes, she knows I'm a halfer. At her maximum lifespan (and man those last years are going to be harsh even with Leonization if we have the cred) I'll be barely middle aged. I'm by no means immortal and I'd love spending at least a solid decade or so with the girl, but is it worth it for the long haul or should I invest that time with someone of my own metarace? Sincerely, Ageless in Atlanta |
Dear Atlantean,
Don't worry about it. Metabolic studies show that dwarrow may live to be 100 to 120 years old, and many humans with reasonable medical care can easily reach 100 years without undergoing costly youth treatments.
Cradlerobber.
-AH
Dear AH,
I recently got hired up to baby sit a corp brat. Normally Id turn this sorta crap down in a hurry, but the price was SO good, and the perks where so... tasty, I couldent help it. Im between teams right now, so Im working with 2 scabs who are both off their fragging rockers. One looks like hes a reject from the 1980s, the other acts like shes 10 years younger then she is and wont take those damm cat ears off. I understand that slingers are a strange lot, but why in hades cant I just bury the bodies with the rest of them and hope nothing goes wrong with this brat?
Sincerely,
Wannakitty?
I recently got hired up to baby sit a corp brat. Normally Id turn this sorta crap down in a hurry, but the price was SO good, and the perks where so... tasty, I couldent help it. Im between teams right now, so Im working with 2 scabs who are both off their fragging rockers. One looks like hes a reject from the 1980s, the other acts like shes 10 years younger then she is and wont take those damm cat ears off. I understand that slingers are a strange lot, but why in hades cant I just bury the bodies with the rest of them and hope nothing goes wrong with this brat?
Sincerely,
Wannakitty?
Dear Wannakitty,
Make the best of a bad situation. Tie the teammates up and let the corp brat torture them. It should keep the little wageslave-to-be occupied, and if the parents ask any questions claim these two attempted to kidnap the kid and you valiantly stopped them. Who knows, they might give you a bonus?
-AH
Dear AH,
I am a book collector always on the lookout for rare out of print books of varying types. Recently I came upon a rare folio of the Dead Man's Book and ever since then I find myself being hunted by every two bit sorceror with black intentions. Since I do have magical protection, I've held them off this long, so I was wondering if you knew of better ways of throwing the darkness off my scent...
Specifically for the following: A) Getting the wannabees out of my hair, B) hiding the tome in a place where it can't be detected but still can be accessed, and...while I'm at it, C) How to safely read the new book without going insane. I've read the first page or so and already know a little bit about what's supposedly contained within...so any hints on what magical spells might protect a reader from the grimoire?
Sincerely,
Dead Man Walking
I am a book collector always on the lookout for rare out of print books of varying types. Recently I came upon a rare folio of the Dead Man's Book and ever since then I find myself being hunted by every two bit sorceror with black intentions. Since I do have magical protection, I've held them off this long, so I was wondering if you knew of better ways of throwing the darkness off my scent...
Specifically for the following: A) Getting the wannabees out of my hair, B) hiding the tome in a place where it can't be detected but still can be accessed, and...while I'm at it, C) How to safely read the new book without going insane. I've read the first page or so and already know a little bit about what's supposedly contained within...so any hints on what magical spells might protect a reader from the grimoire?
Sincerely,
Dead Man Walking
| QUOTE (DocMortand) |
| Dear AH, I am a book collector always on the lookout for rare out of print books of varying types. Recently I came upon a rare folio of the Dead Man's Book and ever since then I find myself being hunted by every two bit sorceror with black intentions. Since I do have magical protection, I've held them off this long, so I was wondering if you knew of better ways of throwing the darkness off my scent... Specifically for the following: A) Getting the wannabees out of my hair, B) hiding the tome in a place where it can't be detected but still can be accessed, and...while I'm at it, C) How to safely read the new book without going insane. I've read the first page or so and already know a little bit about what's supposedly contained within...so any hints on what magical spells might protect a reader from the grimoire? Sincerely, Dead Man Walking |
Dear Dead Man,
Oh, don't worry about the book driving you insane. Really, who ever heard of such a thing? The worst you might pick up is a viral meme or something. To read it in piece, you'll have to build a secret lair, of course. Be creative. Don't stint on mechanical traps, wards, guardian monsters, etc.
As for the wannabes, your only choice is to hunt out more taboo lore and become a fearsome and dark magician. Show up those damn ivory-tower academics with some good ol' ebon-tower tricks, ya dig?
Incidentally, the Dark Prince of Muncie is having a tupperware party. You should come! One free fragment of the Dead Sea Scrolls with each purchase! Great for keeping those organs clean and squishy.
-AH
Dear AH,
I'm a rigger who moonlights as a decker, I have recently come across a top of the line cyberdeck, which is better than my team deckers. The decker has demanded I turn it over to him, which I wouldn't mind if he'd give me his deck. He flatly refuses this and I had to tase him to calm him down. Now up until this point we have been great friends. How do I remedy this situation?
sincerely,
Reeling Rigger
I'm a rigger who moonlights as a decker, I have recently come across a top of the line cyberdeck, which is better than my team deckers. The decker has demanded I turn it over to him, which I wouldn't mind if he'd give me his deck. He flatly refuses this and I had to tase him to calm him down. Now up until this point we have been great friends. How do I remedy this situation?
sincerely,
Reeling Rigger
Dear Reeling,
RIggers have feelings too! You must make your partner aware of your needs in the relationship. It might be painful for both of you, but I believe the only solution is an intervention, followed by counselling.
-AH
RIggers have feelings too! You must make your partner aware of your needs in the relationship. It might be painful for both of you, but I believe the only solution is an intervention, followed by counselling.
-AH
And then, if nothing else works, a bullet to the brain pan, methinks. *snrk*
| QUOTE (DocMortand) |
| Dear AH, I am a book collector always on the lookout for rare out of print books of varying types. Recently I came upon a rare folio of the Dead Man's Book and ever since then I find myself being hunted by every two bit sorceror with black intentions. Since I do have magical protection, I've held them off this long, so I was wondering if you knew of better ways of throwing the darkness off my scent... Specifically for the following: A) Getting the wannabees out of my hair, B) hiding the tome in a place where it can't be detected but still can be accessed, and...while I'm at it, C) How to safely read the new book without going insane. I've read the first page or so and already know a little bit about what's supposedly contained within...so any hints on what magical spells might protect a reader from the grimoire? Sincerely, Dead Man Walking |
I'm no AH, but can I suggest the purloined letter approach?
I saw it once on this old flat screen made for TV movie based on a series called Family Ties. The terrorists stashed microfilm in the handle of the hairbrush of this oblivious teenage chick.
Stash the book on someone who doesn't know they have it, and they become the new Dead Man Walking, ney? Just keep mailing it between PO boxes, and Knight Errant's Pony Express can deal with security?
[must....keep...thread....going.....]
Dear AH,
I've watched all the trid shows about Shadowrunners and devoured any news about possible 'runs, but I can't seem to find out how to become one! I have average pistol skill, and have some pretty 'l33t moves which I'm sure will get me out of tight scrapes. How does one become a shadowrunner? Any contacts/suggestions helpful.
Sincerely,
Hopeful in Seattle
Dear AH,
I've watched all the trid shows about Shadowrunners and devoured any news about possible 'runs, but I can't seem to find out how to become one! I have average pistol skill, and have some pretty 'l33t moves which I'm sure will get me out of tight scrapes. How does one become a shadowrunner? Any contacts/suggestions helpful.
Sincerely,
Hopeful in Seattle
| QUOTE (DocMortand) |
| Dear AH, I've watched all the trid shows about Shadowrunners and devoured any news about possible 'runs, but I can't seem to find out how to become one! I have average pistol skill, and have some pretty 'l33t moves which I'm sure will get me out of tight scrapes. How does one become a shadowrunner? Any contacts/suggestions helpful. Sincerely, Hopeful in Seattle |
Dear Hopeful,
Whoa there jailbait. Slow down. First, you need to become a member of the criminal fraternity. Get some street cred. Survive on your own in the Barrens for a month, and maybe you'll be ready to aspire to be a shadowrunner.
By-the-by, Karl Kombatmage is a pussy. Me and the girls had a fun time one weekend bagging him. Shaved him down and left him with "Welcommen" signs tattooed o'er him down in this Aztlaner hell-hole. The type of place that aspires to become as clean and reputable as Tijuana. Last I saw, the local farmer's boys were doing tequila body shots off 'im. Serves the fragger right. Y'know they stole Sid's brag sheet for the script? I hear his latest plan for revenge is to impregnate the studio exec's daughter, but Sid talks about that kind of thing alot. Bit of a fetishist, Sid. If he didn't know that impotence spell, I'm sure we'd have had to kill him before now. There was this bar in Newark, and this troll starts eyeballin' Sid. So Sid looks him in the eyeballs and swear to Ghost that troll's eyes were burned right out of his fuckin' head! Shoulda heard him scream. Those were the days.
-AH
Dear AH,
I've heard tales of new blood not much younger than I going on their first run and completely screwing up everything due to stupidity. There are plenty of veteran teams roaming around and while I could possibly do a survey I'd rather go direct to the compliation of good information that is you. Out of genuine curiosity, what are the prime ages for the five main races to 'Enter the Shadows' and how old should the members of an experienced group be?
The curiously fresh ork.
I've heard tales of new blood not much younger than I going on their first run and completely screwing up everything due to stupidity. There are plenty of veteran teams roaming around and while I could possibly do a survey I'd rather go direct to the compliation of good information that is you. Out of genuine curiosity, what are the prime ages for the five main races to 'Enter the Shadows' and how old should the members of an experienced group be?
The curiously fresh ork.
| QUOTE (ShieldT) |
| Dear AH, I've heard tales of new blood not much younger than I going on their first run and completely screwing up everything due to stupidity. There are plenty of veteran teams roaming around and while I could possibly do a survey I'd rather go direct to the compliation of good information that is you. Out of genuine curiosity, what are the prime ages for the five main races to 'Enter the Shadows' and how old should the members of an experienced group be? The curiously fresh ork. |
Dear Curious,
Age isn't everything. But, since you ask:
Dwarfs: 16
Elves: 15
Humans: 16
Orks: 11
Trolls: 12
Now, these might seem a little skewed, but you have to take different physical maturation dates into account. Gang members will almost certainly be younger; orks and trolls as young as seven or eight years old are strong and tough enough to kill a fellow metahuman, while dwarfs, elves and humans are more than capable of wielding a gun at that age for the same purpose. Military units rarely accept recruits younger than 16 or 17, except for militias and rebellions, and due to training time and experience, few enter the shadows before their early to mid 20s. Magical ability expresses at physical maturity, which means anywhere between 9-14 for most humans, a year or two older for elves and dwarfs, a year or two younger for orks and trolls. Advanced technical training usually places skilled or knowledgeable magicians and technical types into their mid-to-late twenties. Runners that enter past thirty are rare, but often fill needed shadowy roles such as shadowdocs.
-AH
Dear AH,
I have been having a string of bad luck. I keep getting hired on jobs that take me out of town for great pay. But then I end up not getting paid. And the worst part is the skaggs they put me in a team with. The first time it happened the guy was a retard. And I don't mean stupid he was a frellin retard. I don't even know how he got into Shadowrunning in the first place. Now I am not a murderer but I am starting to wonder if I should just start ghosting these drek heads the second they make it known they’re idiots, instead of just letting it go and possibly having their stupidity kill me down the road.
-Frustrated in the shadows
I have been having a string of bad luck. I keep getting hired on jobs that take me out of town for great pay. But then I end up not getting paid. And the worst part is the skaggs they put me in a team with. The first time it happened the guy was a retard. And I don't mean stupid he was a frellin retard. I don't even know how he got into Shadowrunning in the first place. Now I am not a murderer but I am starting to wonder if I should just start ghosting these drek heads the second they make it known they’re idiots, instead of just letting it go and possibly having their stupidity kill me down the road.
-Frustrated in the shadows
| QUOTE (Shadow) |
| Dear AH, I have been having a string of bad luck. I keep getting hired on jobs that take me out of town for great pay. But then I end up not getting paid. And the worst part is the skaggs they put me in a team with. The first time it happened the guy was a retard. And I don't mean stupid he was a frellin retard. I don't even know how he got into Shadowrunning in the first place. Now I am not a murderer but I am starting to wonder if I should just start ghosting these drek heads the second they make it known they’re idiots, instead of just letting it go and possibly having their stupidity kill me down the road. -Frustrated in the shadows |
Dear Frustrated,
This is shadowrunning. If you have to deal with retards, it's because you've planted explosives in their short bus to create a distraction while you sneak in and get the goods. Act accordingly.
*This message brought to you by Texas Instruments, makers of quality retard-killing products for over a hundred years.*
-AH
| QUOTE (Ancient History) |
| *This message brought to you by Texas Instruments, makers of quality retard-killing products for over a hundred years.* -AH |
"Tonight on KSAF - When Calculators go bad!
"I was getting root numbers, when suddenly the thing turned on me!"
But are the calcualtors to blame? Or is it an I-D-10-T problem?
Find out, tonight at 11"
Dear AH,
I've recently entered into a Shadowrun that, upon further details obtained as I started the run, is reprehensible to me.
It seemed like a sweet deal. Some drekface wageslave hired us to escort his teenaged daughter to summer camp. Said there'd been some creeps stalking her. Okay, so I'm down with that. So we pick her up, and set off into the highways in our vehicles - the team's mages are riding behind in a drone-adapted car that's on my network, one of whom is flying astral, the other is ready to open up a can of whoop ass where nessessary. I'm driving my tank, taking point, with the girl in the front seat. It took me a couple of hours to realize that she wasen't being a quiet thing - she was sedated. Not unconcious, but pumped full of something to keep her quiet and cooperative. I pull my medkit out and administer an antidote, and she gets all scared. I calm her down to get her to tell me her story, and this isen't your average sun and crafts camp. Her daddy's having her shipped off to a whack-job de-gaying camp, because he dosen't approve of her orientation. This is reprehensible in and of itself, but it hits especially close to home because I'm only two years older than her myself, female, and like her, not interested in males.
How do I fix this? Delivering her to the camp is out of the question. Johnson is just a wageslave schmuck, not an important runner in his corp. I'm tempted to just whack him, but I need some advice on how to prevent it from getting out in the Shadows that I did it. Is there any alternative I've missed? I'll care for the girl myself if her mother (estranged from her father) won't take her in, but I need a way to frag Johnson without it getting out. I'd prefer to avoid any breaches of Shadowethics if possible.
~ Rightious Road Elf
I've recently entered into a Shadowrun that, upon further details obtained as I started the run, is reprehensible to me.
It seemed like a sweet deal. Some drekface wageslave hired us to escort his teenaged daughter to summer camp. Said there'd been some creeps stalking her. Okay, so I'm down with that. So we pick her up, and set off into the highways in our vehicles - the team's mages are riding behind in a drone-adapted car that's on my network, one of whom is flying astral, the other is ready to open up a can of whoop ass where nessessary. I'm driving my tank, taking point, with the girl in the front seat. It took me a couple of hours to realize that she wasen't being a quiet thing - she was sedated. Not unconcious, but pumped full of something to keep her quiet and cooperative. I pull my medkit out and administer an antidote, and she gets all scared. I calm her down to get her to tell me her story, and this isen't your average sun and crafts camp. Her daddy's having her shipped off to a whack-job de-gaying camp, because he dosen't approve of her orientation. This is reprehensible in and of itself, but it hits especially close to home because I'm only two years older than her myself, female, and like her, not interested in males.
How do I fix this? Delivering her to the camp is out of the question. Johnson is just a wageslave schmuck, not an important runner in his corp. I'm tempted to just whack him, but I need some advice on how to prevent it from getting out in the Shadows that I did it. Is there any alternative I've missed? I'll care for the girl myself if her mother (estranged from her father) won't take her in, but I need a way to frag Johnson without it getting out. I'd prefer to avoid any breaches of Shadowethics if possible.
~ Rightious Road Elf
Dear AH,
I've been a member of an outfit that has been working the shadows for quite some time. One of our previous runs we infiltrated the facilities and extracted some files from an off the matrix computer. Thing is, I rifled through some materials of one of the wageslave's desks and man, I think I'm in love...
She loves very cute, her picture was on her desk. She's into Urbanbrawl like I am (I saw her circle the dates on her calender for the games) and I like the same thrash bands as she does (ticket stubs in her drawer). What shall I do? I know where she likes to get her coffee and I don't think the facilities has any records or evidence that I've been into the facility, let alone any trace that we were there.
-Lovestruck in the Shadows
I've been a member of an outfit that has been working the shadows for quite some time. One of our previous runs we infiltrated the facilities and extracted some files from an off the matrix computer. Thing is, I rifled through some materials of one of the wageslave's desks and man, I think I'm in love...
She loves very cute, her picture was on her desk. She's into Urbanbrawl like I am (I saw her circle the dates on her calender for the games) and I like the same thrash bands as she does (ticket stubs in her drawer). What shall I do? I know where she likes to get her coffee and I don't think the facilities has any records or evidence that I've been into the facility, let alone any trace that we were there.
-Lovestruck in the Shadows
Dear AH,
I need your help man, by the way, I love reading your column. I'm a huge fan of yours!
I guess I have a penchant for well, burning stuff. I just love the see things go up in flames and the screams! Oh yeah, the screams. Well, my mates are seems to be getting weird on me and I think they're plotting behind my back. They're saying I can't do this or that and I can't bring my half dozen incindiery grenades! It's an insult, man! I gotta have them! So what if I almost died that one time, the burns got better and I now have some new skin with that ballistic weave in it. So I think I'm better off. The damn bastards, they're cramping my style, I don't care about them johnson slitches, the fragger fixer can burn too! Please AH, who should I toast first?
-Fire Marshal Bill
I need your help man, by the way, I love reading your column. I'm a huge fan of yours!
I guess I have a penchant for well, burning stuff. I just love the see things go up in flames and the screams! Oh yeah, the screams. Well, my mates are seems to be getting weird on me and I think they're plotting behind my back. They're saying I can't do this or that and I can't bring my half dozen incindiery grenades! It's an insult, man! I gotta have them! So what if I almost died that one time, the burns got better and I now have some new skin with that ballistic weave in it. So I think I'm better off. The damn bastards, they're cramping my style, I don't care about them johnson slitches, the fragger fixer can burn too! Please AH, who should I toast first?
-Fire Marshal Bill
Dear AH,
I've been having a phobia of little bears lately, I haven't managed to get any sleep without waking up in the middle of the night due to the nightmares. Story goes, my team was sent to rescue a girl who had run off into the wilderness, simple enough. These little fraggers dropped out of nowhere! We lost one member and I feel guilty but I just ran (well, levitated) out of there. The rigger also drove off too, there was so many of them and their beady eyes. We sent a drone later on and we found our teammate's body. I puked after seeing the pictures. Man, it went so wrong and I feel guilty about leaving him behind. Now, I'm afraid of those fragging little bears. What do I do? Our new job is a babysitting job and our charge will not let go of his Teddy Roxpine doll. It freaks me out, it's eyes tracks movement and he talks with you. My nightmares are getting worse and I can't sleep at night anymore... Ya gotta help me!
-Scared*
OOC: sorry, was inspired by that thread and stole the posted joke run from it.
I've been having a phobia of little bears lately, I haven't managed to get any sleep without waking up in the middle of the night due to the nightmares. Story goes, my team was sent to rescue a girl who had run off into the wilderness, simple enough. These little fraggers dropped out of nowhere! We lost one member and I feel guilty but I just ran (well, levitated) out of there. The rigger also drove off too, there was so many of them and their beady eyes. We sent a drone later on and we found our teammate's body. I puked after seeing the pictures. Man, it went so wrong and I feel guilty about leaving him behind. Now, I'm afraid of those fragging little bears. What do I do? Our new job is a babysitting job and our charge will not let go of his Teddy Roxpine doll. It freaks me out, it's eyes tracks movement and he talks with you. My nightmares are getting worse and I can't sleep at night anymore... Ya gotta help me!
-Scared*
OOC: sorry, was inspired by that thread and stole the posted joke run from it.
| QUOTE (PBTHHHHT) |
| I guess I have a penchant for well, burning stuff. |
Sounds to me like he's not fit to be a regular Shadowrunner. He needs to find an insane aspected fire mage, handle the purely technological side of things and go on a rein of terror together. Whether they're getting paid or not. But, hey, that's just me. Thanks again for the column, AH.
Dear Y'all,
Ancient is going away for a few days because his brother is being shipped off to Iraq. Hold yer damn horses.
-Ancient Out
Ancient is going away for a few days because his brother is being shipped off to Iraq. Hold yer damn horses.
-Ancient Out
darn, I had several more lined up too. hehe.
Well, we await for yer return, Ancient. And best of luck and prayers (for those of us who believe in anything) for your brother for a safe tour in Iraq.
Well, we await for yer return, Ancient. And best of luck and prayers (for those of us who believe in anything) for your brother for a safe tour in Iraq.
| QUOTE (PBTHHHHT) |
| Dear AH, I need your help man, by the way, I love reading your column. I'm a huge fan of yours! I guess I have a penchant for well, burning stuff. I just love the see things go up in flames and the screams! Oh yeah, the screams. Well, my mates are seems to be getting weird on me and I think they're plotting behind my back. They're saying I can't do this or that and I can't bring my half dozen incindiery grenades! It's an insult, man! I gotta have them! So what if I almost died that one time, the burns got better and I now have some new skin with that ballistic weave in it. So I think I'm better off. The damn bastards, they're cramping my style, I don't care about them johnson slitches, the fragger fixer can burn too! Please AH, who should I toast first? -Fire Marshal Bill |
Can't resist! Must answer this one.
----------------------------------
Dear Bill;
It seems the way to change their minds is through leading by example. Show them the power and the glory that is fire. Show them that fire is your friend. The best way to do this? Get as many incendiary grenades as you can and ring them about yourself in your living room. Then pour gasoline all over and light a match. Then dance and prance about in the flames. That'll show em!
Oh, and make sure to have a fire-proof video camera handy. That way your can show them again and again.
P.S. shadowkids. Give a man a match and he'll be warm for an hour. Light him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
-Reaver
| QUOTE (ShadowDragon8685) |
| Dear AH, I've recently entered into a Shadowrun that, upon further details obtained as I started the run, is reprehensible to me. It seemed like a sweet deal. Some drekface wageslave hired us to escort his teenaged daughter to summer camp. Said there'd been some creeps stalking her. Okay, so I'm down with that. So we pick her up, and set off into the highways in our vehicles - the team's mages are riding behind in a drone-adapted car that's on my network, one of whom is flying astral, the other is ready to open up a can of whoop ass where nessessary. I'm driving my tank, taking point, with the girl in the front seat. It took me a couple of hours to realize that she wasen't being a quiet thing - she was sedated. Not unconcious, but pumped full of something to keep her quiet and cooperative. I pull my medkit out and administer an antidote, and she gets all scared. I calm her down to get her to tell me her story, and this isen't your average sun and crafts camp. Her daddy's having her shipped off to a whack-job de-gaying camp, because he dosen't approve of her orientation. This is reprehensible in and of itself, but it hits especially close to home because I'm only two years older than her myself, female, and like her, not interested in males. How do I fix this? Delivering her to the camp is out of the question. Johnson is just a wageslave schmuck, not an important runner in his corp. I'm tempted to just whack him, but I need some advice on how to prevent it from getting out in the Shadows that I did it. Is there any alternative I've missed? I'll care for the girl myself if her mother (estranged from her father) won't take her in, but I need a way to frag Johnson without it getting out. I'd prefer to avoid any breaches of Shadowethics if possible. ~ Rightious Road Elf |
Dear Rightious,
Ghost, why don't you just vote Libertarian while you're at it?
Look, here's the number for a very discrete escort service. Ask for Molly. For a reasonable fee and some mandatory blood work, your Johnson will end up in a Saeder-Krupp cargo ship en route to Capetown. Tip extra and they won't open the bag until they get there.
Now, as for the kid, I suggest Swiss finishing school. Send the kid away, visit on holidays, hob-nob with the "good crowd," excellent education and guaranteed prospects for graduates, completely confidential as long as you pay on time.
-AH
P.S. "Whack him." What are you, a clone of every Italian-American Mafioso Caricuture?
| QUOTE (PBTHHHHT) |
Dear AH, I've been a member of an outfit that has been working the shadows for quite some time. One of our previous runs we infiltrated the facilities and extracted some files from an off the matrix computer. Thing is, I rifled through some materials of one of the wageslave's desks and man, I think I'm in love... She loves very cute, her picture was on her desk. She's into Urbanbrawl like I am (I saw her circle the dates on her calender for the games) and I like the same thrash bands as she does (ticket stubs in her drawer). What shall I do? I know where she likes to get her coffee and I don't think the facilities has any records or evidence that I've been into the facility, let alone any trace that we were there. -Lovestruck in the Shadows |
Dear Lovestruck,
Have you considered therapy? Stalking can be unhealthy. You must not let yourself become obsessed with unattainable women. Not to abuse a paraphrase, but you can judge a lot about a decker from their icon...
-AH
| QUOTE (PBHHHT) |
| Dear AH, I've been having a phobia of little bears lately, I haven't managed to get any sleep without waking up in the middle of the night due to the nightmares. Story goes, my team was sent to rescue a girl who had run off into the wilderness, simple enough. These little fraggers dropped out of nowhere! We lost one member and I feel guilty but I just ran (well, levitated) out of there. The rigger also drove off too, there was so many of them and their beady eyes. We sent a drone later on and we found our teammate's body. I puked after seeing the pictures. Man, it went so wrong and I feel guilty about leaving him behind. Now, I'm afraid of those fragging little bears. What do I do? Our new job is a babysitting job and our charge will not let go of his Teddy Roxpine doll. It freaks me out, it's eyes tracks movement and he talks with you. My nightmares are getting worse and I can't sleep at night anymore... Ya gotta help me! -Scared* |
Dear Scared,
I suggest Immersion Therapy. You, a sensory deprivation booth, four buds of peyote and a copy of Ewoks Forever.
In truth, I think your problem stems from a displacement of an inherent aspect of your repressed sexuality. Have you ever been aroused by a shaving ad on trideo?
-AH
Dear AH,
Recently, a chummer of mine - who's a real elite wizzer when it comes to just about everything mechanical, technical, computerized, or theoretical - but a bit of an eccentric in other areas, got it into his head to take an early turn of the century computer game and turn it into a Full-X Simsense game. He has no experiance at doing this, so me and my other chummers, since we're sittin' fat for awhile, decided to sit back and humor him, making quiet pacts to giggle softly at his attempts.
Our problem is he's succeeded beyond his wildest dreams. At first we thought he just liked it, and was getting into the game - you know, the way most people get into Full-X simsense porn - but now... I don't think so. He's actually engineered himself a really wizzer set of green armor. And it seems to have some kind of energy shielding that the corps would love to get their hands on. I'm not joking, the sammie unloaded his Alpha on this thing, just to test it. Didn't get through.
But... Our problem is that our chummer is going a bit... Wonky. He won't leave the armor when anyone else is around. His voice is sounding strained, grating now - when he talks, that is. He mostly listens when we tell him to do stuff - which is a plus when we need to do a violent deed - but he insists that he's missing something. He's been spending long hours in cyberspace and in his computer lab, testing, tweaking, he keeps muttering about his AI being missing, and searching for her...
What do we do? I mean, we like th' guy and all, he's awesome. He's our chummer, y'know? But he keeps getting stranger and stranger. We think he's losing it, or losing touch with reality - he insists we all call him by some military rank or other, Master.... Petty or somethin, I dunno. How do we fix him without killing him?
Green-armor blues.
Recently, a chummer of mine - who's a real elite wizzer when it comes to just about everything mechanical, technical, computerized, or theoretical - but a bit of an eccentric in other areas, got it into his head to take an early turn of the century computer game and turn it into a Full-X Simsense game. He has no experiance at doing this, so me and my other chummers, since we're sittin' fat for awhile, decided to sit back and humor him, making quiet pacts to giggle softly at his attempts.
Our problem is he's succeeded beyond his wildest dreams. At first we thought he just liked it, and was getting into the game - you know, the way most people get into Full-X simsense porn - but now... I don't think so. He's actually engineered himself a really wizzer set of green armor. And it seems to have some kind of energy shielding that the corps would love to get their hands on. I'm not joking, the sammie unloaded his Alpha on this thing, just to test it. Didn't get through.
But... Our problem is that our chummer is going a bit... Wonky. He won't leave the armor when anyone else is around. His voice is sounding strained, grating now - when he talks, that is. He mostly listens when we tell him to do stuff - which is a plus when we need to do a violent deed - but he insists that he's missing something. He's been spending long hours in cyberspace and in his computer lab, testing, tweaking, he keeps muttering about his AI being missing, and searching for her...
What do we do? I mean, we like th' guy and all, he's awesome. He's our chummer, y'know? But he keeps getting stranger and stranger. We think he's losing it, or losing touch with reality - he insists we all call him by some military rank or other, Master.... Petty or somethin, I dunno. How do we fix him without killing him?
Green-armor blues.
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