Something random someone sent me, I thought you all might get a few laughs out of it. I'm done with the CPA (for now) as of Saturday, so I'll be spending this week working on catching up on all the various stuff that's slid in the past week and change. Hope you all enjoy this!
Starcraft Tips to Dating (inspired by a convo with mnm)
I find it much easier to discuss sensitive topics, such as dating, in
terms of analogies. My friends have been using poker analogies,
mathematical analogies, and star wars analogies, and starcraft
analogies for as long as I remember. So here are some starcraft tips
to dating. gl hf gg
1) Use a standard build order. Stick with how most girls like
it--hanging out. Scout her base with an overlord and say "hi." Be a
friend and build up a nice, clean relationship with her.
DO NOT: be straightforward and do a full scale drone rush when you
have nothing else. It's TOO EARLY, and she'll retaliate by owning you
(unless she's open to just messing with you). And you have no expo to
fall back to, not even friendship. GG NO RE.
2) Spend time getting to know her. Keep that drone alive in her base.
Likewise, if she's curious about you, she'll try to keep her scv alive
in your base. You guys can chase each others' drone and scv around for
as long as you'd like. It's called flirting. ^^;;
3) Don't obsess. I know you want to find a way into her heart. She has
a pretty base, and there are cute little barracks and supply depots
waiting there, tempting you to hit them with mutalisks. But if you
send in a small force too early, there will be a fleet of marines
waiting there to destroy them.
4) Build a healthy economy. No, I don't mean earning money to please a
golddigger. I'm talking about RELATIONAL WEALTH. *shrugz* Build an
army. Make sure you have a good relationship with her where she feels
comfortable talking to you alot and sharing with you.
5) Don't hit and run. Now that you have an econ going, be confident.
Hit and run is good early for flirting with her base, but you need a
solid land war to win the game.
6) Micro well. Don't make her feel awkward when you ask her out, and
don't show too many signs of weakness. She'll exploit them and shut
your forces down. It's almost too easy.
7) It might be wise to stop if she mentions the word "friends." She's
threatening you with mass irradiates. You're being told, "Don't
attack, or I'll send 5 irradiated science vessels into your base and
kill your drones." Ouch. Don't push it, especially if your heart is
not well defended. Base rape hurts. T_T
Don't be afraid to ally up. If she has battlecruisers flanking your
one last expo, you could go down hard if you keep fighting. Ally up
and be friends, rebuild your expo, and if you're still interested in
hitting her base later, by all means go for it. Send an allied unit
into her base to show that you're friendly. Heck, if she allows it,
you can send your whole force into her base, and then backstab her.
HAHA. Unfortunately, that's where the analogy ends. =[ Evil me.
9) Ask your friends for battle reports. Rarely, if ever, will you see
a full replay of someone else's game, but detailed battle reports can
tell you certain things to imitate and certain things to avoid.
10) Finally, don't overstrategize! Your game becomes very rigid and
weak. Do the usual, send in scouts, have ols watching her units, and
adapt to her gameplay. Don't think too much beforehand. Just go with
the flow.