OK, we've seen the list of things Mr. Welch is not allowed to do at his table:

http://wiki.rpg.net/index.php/750_things_M...ger_do_in_a_RPG

Back on the old Wizards Board we kept adding things on to that list, mostly D&D and D20 Modern related.

I was thinking we should do a Shoadowrun verson of this list.

I'll start:

1. There is no great dragon named Trogdor.
2. My PC is not "Proud to be a bunraku from Renraku"
3. I am not allowed to ever learn the spell Orgy ever again.
4. My Bastet is not "In ur node, steeling yur paydataz"
5. I am not allowed to use the Trogdor song to describe any of the great dragons.
6. There are no Kender in Shadowrun.

7. Despite the similarities between Cyber Punk and Fallout, I am not allowed to design and build a Fat Man, much less the MIRV.

8. I´m no longer allowed to drop tanks or similar heavy vehicles from high places as a viable weapon.

9. I´m no longer allowed to act paranoid whenever crossing a bridge over a river assuming a deckt out troll is waiting under it to ambush.

10. I am no longer allowed to inform people of my lack of desire to incinerate the earth through a deliberate act of arson.
11. I am no longer allowed to ask Mr. Johnson if his first name is Richard.

12. Not every Johnson is a Dragon in disguise. I will refrain from scrutinizing him, looking for where he puts his wings and tail.

13. Just because I am *that* good-looking, doesn't mean I can turn Dante's Inferno into my own private orgy.

14. It doesn't matter who has the biggest gun, despite being the only one who does.

15. I will be respectful to my teammates, no matter what meta-type they are or religeous background.
15a. Not all Trolls eat goats. Whole.
15b. Dwarves do NOT sing "Hi-Ho!" at the start of ANY mission.
15c. Elves do NOT make cookies. Nor do they work for a Johnson named "Santa."
15d. Orks do NOT know some guy named 'Saruman' nor 'Sauron', despite their being a policlub with his name in it.

16. I will stop bugging my Technomancer teammate/contact about making a Transformer for me.
16a. I will stop bugging my Mechanic contact about the same thing, and refrain from calling him "Ratchet".

17. I will stop chanting "Beam me up Mr. Scott!" into my commlink when things go badly.
17a. I will stop chanting into my commlink "Checkov, fire a photon torpedo to my location NOW!" when things go badly.
17b. I will stop calling our Elven mage "Spock." One Vulcan Neck-Pinch is more than enough.
17c. I will stop calling my Technomancer teammate/contact "Mr. Scott." She doesn't have a scottish burr to her voice, HATES science fiction and only just put my working SIN back together after the last time.
17d. I will refrain from making ANY and ALL 'horny' jokes around the Troll. I still have nightmares about him crushing the beer keg one-handed that last time.

That's all I could come up with. Enjoy.

12. I am not allowed to create a PC named Rodrigo and describe him using the words "hot," "Latin," or "passion" in the same sentence.

13. I am not allowed to create any shapeshifter character who has deviant sexual fetishes. Said characters are especially not allowed to use the phrase "doggy style" in any context. This holds doubly true for fox shifters.

14. No longer allowed to accept assassinations against the group or any group member.

15. Not allowed to ritual-execute a bum and doctor the video footage in order to get paid for an assassination against the group or any group member.

16. No character is to ally with Deus, any further attempts will be met with annihilation by space laser.

(I do have to say, the lists's #63, "I cannot buy 10,000 marbles even if I say please." shouldn't apply if you buy a gun called The Room Cleaner that fires 10mm steel marbles...I have a character who purchased that, and some 1000 marbles (I ran out of money))

17. I cannot use a bulldozer and a cliff to crush an entire Mitsuhama strike team

18. I cannot steal the most expensive plane in Arsenal.

19. I cannot mount arms on said plane

20. Even if I could put arms on the plane, I cannot get a bow big enough for a plane to fire.

#21. I am not allowed to take "Jimmy," the THOR operator*, as a loyalty 6 contact.

#22. I am not allowed to take the Aztechnology Bloodmage consortium (aka. magical THOR) as a loyalty 6 group contact.

*"and he can't be my childhood best friend, brother, half brother, or sister's really cool fiance, and I cannot call him "Captain Awsome."

23. I am no longer allowed to make any and all vans my character purchases black with a red stripe.

24. Even with said van, it does not give me the ability to crash through walls better when not in the van.

25. Nor does it allow me to "pity the fool" for any greater effect.

26. Nor can the runner name of said character be one letter preceded by a title, use Baracus anywhere in it, or be a two letter abbreviation of any shape or form.

27. No, I am not allowed to nuke it from orbit. Even if it is the only way to be sure.

28. No PCs based on any character from The Big Lebowski, this goes quintuple for Walter Sobchak

29. Renraku's official company song was not written by Devo.

30. Painting the getaway van red, does not in fact, make it go fasta.

31. Not allowed to spend all 400 BP on 1 point knowledge skills

32. Not allowed to spend all 400 BP on 1 point skills

33. I cannot have a Cure Disease spell anchored on my junk no matter how much I pay the magician.
34. I cannot have a lightsaber no matter how much I beg the GM.
35. I am no longer allowed to hire homeless people to act as sherpas to carry my assault canon and ammo.
36. I am not allowed to play a possession mage for the sole purpose of digging up Chuck Norris' corpse and making a prepared vessel out of it (also applies to Bruce Lee and Ernest Borgnine).
37. My retirement plan cannot involve sealing my head in a cryogenic capsule and launching into space so that my character can live forever in Eclipse Phase.

38. I can no longer aspect my own Astral Hazing to get permanent rating 4 background count in my favor... well, maybe I can, but I most certainly may not.

39. I am not allowed to put a gun in my gun, not even if I want to shoot while I shoot. Which I do.

40. Nor am I allowed to but an under barrel shotgun on my SMG, no matter how pimped out it looked in Army of Two

41. My Adept cannot "see the code."

42. No, I cannot use my incredible social dice pool to persuade the guard drone to destroy the floor it's standing on.

43. I will not ask my Troll teammates whether they cut off their enormous purple hair.

44. Contrary to popular belief, MGL does not stand for Machine Gun Launcher. Even if the Machine Gun Launcher existed I will never be allowed to have a Machine Gun Launcher.
44a. Even if a Machine Gun Launcher existed, I cannot add it as an under-barrel weapon to my sniper rifle.

45. I cannot add cyberfeet with skimmerdisks to a centipede, and even if I did, the modifiers wouldn't stack and let it go past the speed of light.

46. My Adept-in-a-suit may not be named Smith; nor may he be named Hugo or Elrond.

47. I am no longer allowed to think pushing Grandma's into streets is "funny".
48. High explosives are not a "subtle way of taking out the target".

49. if my character resmbles to much on any character in any metal gear game to the degree the GM can spot it without thinking, then my character instantly explodes like his whole torso was made of C4

50. I can not make a troll whose tactic is to walk around with restrained dwarfs strapped with explosives and throw them like improvised grenades...even if it´s damn funny

51. Plan B is not "Twice as much explosives as plan A".
52. Plan C is not "Kill it with fire".
53. Plan D is not "Use twice as much fire as Plan C".

54. if the group agrees that plan B is to kill everyone, I may not sugest that we make it the main plan

55. In a 1st Ed game, I am no longer allowed to learn any form of the Barrier spell. Ever.

56. I may not create a troll with a metagenic flaw of thick red-orange fur all over his body, give him Size 58 combat boots made to look like white Chucks^TM and call him Gossamer.

57. I may not have the "Old ElPasso" logo engraved into my Panther assault canon.

58. I may not have the "Osterizer" logo engraved into my Ares HVAR^TM or my Minigun.

59. A Troper is not an appropriate form of contact.
59a. Not even in a Matrix-focused game.

61. 60 is a forbidden Number. 60 is a forbidden number. 60 is a forbidden number.

62. I will not do everything some mysterious voice from some isolated host tells me.
62a. Even if it promises me candy.
62b. Or power unimaginable.
62c. Or the return of my lost loved one.
62d. Especially if the voice demands the backstabbing of my teammates.
62e. Except i cross my fingers and jump on a leg.

63. Not allowed to insert loopholes in the Not-Allowed List.

64. I am not allowed to shit on the rug ever again.

65. Nor am I allowed to Narcoject the decker to death

66. The elf isn't allowed to launch flashbangs at the security guard while the rest of the party is in the blast range "because it's his only stun weapon."
67. The elf isn't allowed to touch grenades ever again.
68. especially white phosphorus grenades.

69. I am not a 'Player In a Management Position'
69a. Not even if I work at an 'Adult' club
69b. The stripper PC who works at the club is not one of my'hoez'
69c. Even if I bribed the GM to let me take "ma' bitchz an' hoez" as a group contact
69d. I am not allowed to implant a taser, stun baton, or any other such device in my gun to make women "cream so hard 'dat 'day pass out"

70. I can not have a used Cadallac Deville
70a. If I somehow manage to get one, I can not paint it powder pink with 30" gold spinners and hydraulics
70b. A powder dispenser is not an acceptable 'Pimped' option

71. I can not install six Nitrous mods into my motorcycle
71a. Even if I do, it will not accelerate so fast that time goes backwards

72. I am not a leprechaun, people are not after my pot of gold or lucky charms, and my penis is not 'magically delicious'

73 . And there are no Hobbits, either.

74. I am not allowed to use this list for contact ideas.

75. If an idea makes me giggle more than 15 seconds, I am not allowed to try it.
75a. Nor tell other players about it.
75b. Nor tell it to any other person/animal/being/entity that has even slight chance of understanding it.

76. I am not allowed to play a Night One elf who wields two Katanas in combat.

77. I am not allowed to name my troll street samurai Cudlie, Teddy Bear, or any other term that conjures visions of cute little child's toys.

78. I am not allowed to run the shadows naked (neither the character, nor the player!).

79. I am not allowed to hide an assault rifle in my garter belt, no matter what the rules say or HOW good I roll.

80. even if I have the biggest, strongest troll ever possible I may not in any shape or form treat a assault rifle as a handgun.

81. Don't (attempt to) make deals with bug spirits. That's naughty.

82a. HMG and gyroscope is not apt. attire for a low profile meeting.

82b. The same applies to MMG's and LMG's, even if you left the gyro at home.

These are great! Been pondering starting a "Things Mr Welch is no longer allowed to do..." type thread for a while, glad to see someone did!

83. I am not allowed to take a metagenic trait for my Vampire that gives him immunity to sunlight and makes him sparkle. Ever.
84. I am not allowed to reintroduce variable staging into my game. My players threatend to lynch me.
85. I am not allowed to place a bumper sticker on the back of my GMC Bulldog that reads "If this van's Renrakkin', don't come a-knockin'"
86. I am not allowed to take a severe allergy to Mr. Johnsons.
87. I am not allowed to make anymore wolverine clones. Or any X-men clones. Or any Superhero clones. Period.
88. I am no longer allowed to take gear out of the Hungarian, French, or German Language sourcebooks. My GM finally started using Babelfish to double check my gear.
89. "Because they said I could on DUmpshock!" is no longer a valid rules argument.
90. I am not allowed to play a Ghoul with a severe allergy to red meat.
91. The rules for PC Dragons were really an April Fools joke. Now stop asking to play one!

92. I am no longer allowed to make an elf with the skill Baking, specialized in Cookies. That same character cannot take a treehouse as his lifestyle.

93. Characters cannot use animals as handweapons.
93a. Even if said characters somehow have Exotic Weapon -skills for said animals.

94. Squirt guns can only be filled with substances that actually can be found in rule book.

95. I am not allowed to drink beer to the point I get the hiccups when GMing.
96. I am no longer allowed to GM Saturday night games, as this leads to violations of rule 95.

83. I am not allowed to teach ghouls how to do the thriller dance. It doesn't make them any more socailly accepted.
84. I am not allowed to start hobo fighting rings.
85. Even if I was allowed to start a hobo fighting ring ham sandwiches are not a proper reward.
86. None of my characters can take skill levels in chemistry, industrial engineering, demolitions, ir leadership.
87. I am not allowed try to convince anyone to stick it to the man.
88. Especially if I am vague of what it is.
89. But it worked in Fight Club or any other movie is not a good reason to do something in game.
90. I am not a golden god.

eh we need a bit of cleanup, I posted number 80 so eavry poster after me need to bumb up there by 1....and angelone your way of, you 98- 105

I'm actually thinking about stealing this for an article for the first issue of the Magazine we're doing If anyone doesn't want their contribution published, please PM me (Don't reply here, we don't want to clutter up the thread).

91. no longer allowed to "call 1's"
92. Will never say "trust me i know what i'm doing" before committing to an action that could kill another PC.

106: I am not allowed to cast Mana Static around the teammate who is held together by magic and chewing gum.
107: We are not allowed to buy tanks for the same reasons as normal run teams buy ammo clips.

From my group

96. Even if the rules say that 50 Kg of explosives has a blast radius measured in miles doesn't mean I can buy that much.

97. Even if the rules say so, I am not allowed to take Astral Hazing and get a lifestyle within a few blocks of a megacorp just so we can raid them and not worry about magical defenses.

98. Rodrigo is no longer allowed to cast Stun Ball by doing a hip thrust.

99. Even if I took Distinctive Style and a Geass for somatic casting.

100. "How many will fit?" is not the proper answer to "How many missiles do you store in your van?" when a grenade goes off.

108. I am NOT allowed to make a Character that has CHAINSAW or Spade as a Specialization in more than 3 Skills.
109. I am NOT allowed to do something that would make Bloodmages weep for joy.
110. I am NOT allowed to do ANYTHING that would make a Toxic Mage weep for ANY reason!
111. I am NOT allowed to make a Cyberzombie run away screaming like a little girl. Again.
112. I am NOT allowed to do a second nano second buyout just because i can.
113. I am NOT allowed to start a World wide Corporate War just because i don't like the World anymore.
114. I am NOT allowed to make ANYONE go "i did not know it could do that . . i wish i DIDN'T know it could do that"
115. I am NOT allowed to throw my Shock-Glove into the Face of anyone to challenge them to a Duel.
116. I am NOT allowed to use things bigger than people as a substitute for WHATEVER!
117. I am NOT allowed to own anything that's called RRRRRRRODGER . .
118. I am NOT allowed to use "Krass, Eon and the Fat Guy" as a TO DO list.
119. I am NOT allowed to use THIS THREAD / DUMPSHOCK as a TO DO list.
120. I am NOT allowed to assume that people mean my close combat abilities, when they tell me to get out the BIG guns.

Furthermore, the original List is pretty short. only 750?
here's one with allmost double that number! http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html

121: I am not allowed to have any agents/personality software with HAL.
122: I am not allowed to make a technomancer with HAL for a paragon.
123: I am not allowed to make a character based upon James Bond. Again.
124: The Mad Bomber Who Bombs At Midnight is not a viable archetype.
125: I am not allowed to load dart guns with zen. Anymore.
126: I am not allowed to use stick-n-shock bullets with a slingshot.
127: I am not allowed to ask Mr. Johnson what his professional rating is.
128: I am not allowed to offer Laes cigarettes to random people anymore.
129: C-12 is not an appropriate housewarming gift.
130: I am never to replace my teammates shave cream with DEXS. No matter how funny it is.
131: I am never to replace my teammates grapple gun rope spools with detcord.
132: I am not allowed to make binary explosives cherry flavored.
132a: I am definately not allowed to use said explosives to spike the punchbowl.
133: I am never again to spike my teammates coffee with Long Haul.
134: Laesal wine is not an appropriate beverage. At least I think thats what I was told...
135: "There's a snake in my boots!" is not a viable go-code.

136 I am not allowed to take a "Knowledge: Everything" skill.

137 Even if my character is Mr. Universe.

138 I may not create a character based on Mr. Universe ever again.

139 Especially if he becomes a Technomancer

140 I am not allowed to take "Incompetent: Areospace" ever again. It only worked in the space opera game because flying a spaceship happened more often than anything else.

141 Not allowed to take the metagenetic Radar Sense quality ever again. No character should be allowed to see through bunker doors.

142. I am NOT allowed to summon the beast spirit (platypus form) and asking it to confuse the enemy.
143. I am NOT allowed to use the graple gun in my cyber arm to pull the heart out of my enemy.

** edit numbers **