2791. I am no longer allowed to hide the 'canon cannon' behind my GM screen at live games, which shoots springloaded koala teddy bears as I say "Dropbear attack, resist 10P" at whoever it hits when someone gets fussy about my fuzzy history of what happened in over 80 years of shadowrun history.
2791a. I am definately not allowed to put it on a spinner in the middle of a table with a remote control so that noone even close to the pain in the ass gets thwacked.

2792. I am not allowed to run a pirate software guild for free software.
2792a. Especially with my mystic adept.
2792b. Especially not with the mystic adept from #2786

2793. I am no longer allowed to 'control actions' the 'cute chick down the hall' the gm put in as a civilian casualty/possible romantic interest via remote ritual for sex via a fallen hair follicle... and then lethe her afterwards... and get her pregnant because I didn't bother with a condom.
2793a. Again.

2794. I cannot use the detractions in Runner's Companion for custom built lifestyle to create my own money making whore house by combining 'black hole' with a spirit who can search for all the things customers drop, crash pad to bring in extra clientelle, no privacy so drive-bys can easily decide on the goods, rough neighborhood for easier hires, "This ain't Big Bob's Auto's" and inviting the other company's clientelle to the location to discuss their issue, worse neighbors so Lone Star leaves me the hell alone, and 'perfect room-mate' who keeps the ho's in line.
2794a. I specifically can't do this to maintain a partially luxury lifestyle for the price of low, without at least warning the GM so he can burn it down first run...

For this one word, sir, you win all the soda I just shot out of my nose.
No really, it's a prize worth winning, honest.

There is no 2786. You skipped it and noone noticed.

2795. Cannot masturbate while holding the severed head of the LoneStar officer who has been following my character, in front of the LoneStar building, screaming.

No you cannot. Is it the head that's screaming or you?

Me. I'm doing the screaming.

And now, so am I.

2796: I am not allowed to give a pixie a flamethrower.
2796a: Even if it has been custom made by Mattel.

2796b: Laser weapons are right out.

2796c: I am not allowed to trap the pixie in a large jar filled with energy drink and give it a good shake.
2796d: I am by no means allowed to name it "The Wake-Up Call."

It's a beautiful thing, those typos, aren't they.

So what's the mystic adept about?

2797: I am not allowed to request Goat's Eyes instead of Cat's Eyes.
2797a: Even if it's just for the 'intimidation' factor.

2798: I am not allowed to try and hijack a Shadowrun game and turn it into an Eclipse Phase game.
2799: Rich boys from Orbital families do not play laser tag with real lasers.
2800: Even if Radiation Shielding on milspec armor makes all lasers do stun damage.
2801: When the GM says "Pretty much carte blanche" on gear requisition, this does not cover a Nanofax with nanoprints for milspec laser tag gear.
2802: It also doesn't cover an orbital-dropped, nano-constructed laser tag arena featuring five kilometers of monowire and 1000 holographic projectors.
2803: Or a getaway rocket to Mars.

What.

hi hi



Think of it like having earned a request from the Don.

Carte blanche, or "Blank check." When a corporation really, really needs you to do something, and for some reason thinks you are the best for the job. Sort of kids in a candyshop for gearheads.

2804: I am not allowed to play a character based off of Jamie Hyneman or Adam Savage of Mythbusters.
2805: Even if the rigger is not based off of any of the Mythbusters cast, the rigger is not allowed to videotape every run for the sake of starting a crime-based Mythbusters spinoff on the Matrix.

2806: I am not to take previous characters as loyalty 4-5 contacts to justify knowledge of hijinks from the previous campaign
2806a: exceptions: 1. I convince the GM to give a month and year for the start of the first campaign and maintain a calendar and 2. I convince the Gm to give a month and year for the start of second campaign (calendar optional)

2807: I cannot put Gecko Tips on the Evo Orderly and perform remote VR surgery while on the ceiling. Things spill.

2808: I am not allowed to use spells for "enhanced interrogation".
2809: I am no longer allowed to describe, in detail, the methods I use in enhanced interrogation.
2810: I am required to concede that psychological torture is still torture.
2811: I am no longer allowed to gather information for the run.

2812: I'm not allowed to kidnap beggars and drunks to insert cyberware I've taken out of bad guys to get my Cyberware skill up.

2813: A successful interrogation technique is not covering someone in No-Paint and injecting them with Red Mescaline while they are passed out in a dark, sterile environment. Even if Red Mescaline drops their Will to 0 after they crash. It's mean, and no one likes mean people.

I do! I do!

Courtesy of one of my first PCs:

2814: I am not allowed to play a Face that is incapable of vocalizing normal speech and must thus conduct all negotiations via text messages.
2814a: Even if he can read and write ten languages fluently
2814b: Especially if he is a type III SURGE changeling fishman
2814c: Especially if I name him 'Murkey' and make Murlock noises in-character the entire game.

"Warble warble warble!"
*click* BLAM.
pause...
BLAM. BLAM. BLAM. BLAM.
wait.
BLAM. BLAM. BLAM. BLAM.
*kick*

2815a: My team's mage is not allowed to be named Vegeta.
2815b: I am not allowed to ask him what his scouter says about someone's power level.
2815c: Even if his commlink is modded to look like a scouter. Commlinks can't see magic anyways.
2815d: A commlink modded to look like a scouter is fine in its own right though. I mean, come on, they have wristwatch-links.

Damn its a good think I wasn't taking a drink when read this.

2816a. I am not allowed to play a serial killer similar to Dexter.
2816b. If I violate rule 2816a I may not feed the local ghouls, and package them with labels saying "Guilt free meat."

DEE DEE! Get out of my La-bor-atory!

2816: "The Ghost of Smokey Joe" is not a type of spirit, nor is "Pallete-swapped Protoman" a type of Sprite.

Dexter Morgan, he only kills murderers and rapists.

Sure, he does NOW. But as a(n animated) child? You have to admit, they do look familiar....

Well it's good to see he got out of the basement and into the fresh air.

...Right? Right?

You can take the child out of the basement, but you can't take the basement out of the child.

2817 I am no longer allowed to make a medic character who has a medkit built into his modular cyberarm.
2817a Especially one who lost his arm in a car accident that also killed his wife and child.
2817b And picked up a BTL addiction because he watches BTL versions of his home movies so he can relive his life with his family.
2817c He also cannot be obsessed with "building" a new wife out of "parts".
2817d He can't live by the motto "Parts is parts"
2817e He can't have a pig rancher (farmer?) who supplies spare parts
2817f Or an Tanamous as a group contact.
2817g He cannot have a fear of stopsigns because one of them decapitated his wife.
2817h He can't have his wife's severed head in a jar.


Oh Doc, we miss you.

I completely disagree with 2817f.

Every medical character should have Tamanous as a group contact.

Frankenhooker. Zombie supercrack.

Fixed that for you, Doc.

Mmmyes, mmmyes. *cackle*

2818: no longer allowed to have a Mage after the "can I ground through the stuff in those petit grendaes?" incident...
2819: can no longer whisper "double click, remover yer.." around the street sam on my TM. (shouldn't have hit on the kid)
2820: can not have my TM hide a minigrenade launcher under a dress again..
2820a: a minigrenade launcher now means any minigrenade launcher (a pair is not a single!)
2820b: said TM can not wear a dress on a run ever again (sam got upset when she pulled out dual urban fighter pistols)
2821: My TM is not to piss off Crash at the nexus again by redecorating his personal node in Hello Kitty iconography so he would "cheer the hell up"
2822: My TM is to leave honor concerns involving yakuza to the teams face, rather than deal with it personaly by her motto of "I lose face, they lose face" The yakuza takes it poorly when their people wind up dead with their faces removed...

Not allowed to run a mission that involves a clone(s) of Hitler.

Or clones of Abraham Lincoln, ghoul hunter.

2824: Not allowed to use "And" or "So" as complete scentences on my TM... or any character..


Gee, it did make survival of the fittest so much more fun... nothing like a dragon unable to do anything to a cute little elf girl that listens to the spiel about putting something back in the city...only to say "And?" at the end before anyone else can speak up...

2825. A levitating hummer, while impressive, does nothing for Seattle's pollution problem.
2826a. As either a GM or a player, I am not allowed to release a kitteh into the node of anyone who hates cats.
2826b. Especially if their hardware is implanted.
2826c. Especially if the kitteh is overly affectionate.
2826d. No longer allowed to release kittehs into nodes.
2827. Any armored, airtight container is a bad place to hide the pixie.

But, a knock-off 'Goochy' bag is a fantastic place to hide the pixie.

2828. I am no longer allowed to summon spirits north of the Arctic Circle just after a solstice.
2828a. Likewise south of the Antarctic Circle.
2828b. Especially not allowed to long term task a spirit at the North (or South) Pole for "366 sunsets" and expect them to still be there in 300 years.
2829. I am no longer allowed to summon spirits and then send them as far west as I can, in hopes of having them outrun sunset/sunrise.

2830: I am no longer allowed to run a mage whom acts like Joey Tribbianni, saying "How you doin'?" after casting the mass spell orgy.

2831: My Technomancer is not allowed to Rickroll Lofwyr

2832: I am not allowed to send spirits on a "world wide scavenger hunt" for magical radicals. Event at a fraction of their astral speed, they would move faster than the surface linear speed of the earth's rotation (447 meters per second at the equator). As long as they keep heading west it'll always be "noon."