720d. ::TWITCH:: Explosives, Innocent ::TWITCH:: bystanders.

721. I may not build a ridiculous com unit cluster for the sole purpose of attacking the Stuffershack's security spider (or equivalent) with 20+ grade 6 agents all at the same time.
722. I may not create magical artifacts based off of artifacts from Syfy's Warehouse 13, GURP's warehouse 23 or any other such.
723. Sending in a naked troll street sami covered in glowpaint and Christmas lights to dance in front of security is not a clever distraction, they will not fall for it. It's also cruel and unusual punishment for all involved.
724. No you may not add the zeppelin upgrade to your Horizon-Doble Revolution. It's ridiculous and nothing good will come of it.

725: No, I cannot mount an under barrel weapon that requires the Heavy weapons skill. not even LMGs
726: Stick 'n shock ammo does not come in "Vulcan cannon" callibur
727: Gel rounds are not "non lethal" they are "less than lethal"
727b: This means I CAN end up killing someone if I shoot them full-auto with an HMG loaded with gel rounds
727c: I should really apologize to that businessman's family . . . I was TOTALLY wrong about that.
728: 'Hold out Pistol" is not a subjective term. It refers to a classification of small pistols. It does not refer to "what I think of when I think of a hold out weapon." It most CERTAINLY does not refer to rocket launchers.
729: Despite the fact that "It would look sooooo cool" I cannot "parry" bullets with my sword skill, even if I have a hardened Katana.

730: A cold shower does not decrease one's thermal signature.
731: Sneaking through ennemy ranks while the rest of the team goes mad on suppressive fire and grenades is a bad idea.

732. I may not use DMSO and carcerands mixed with KE IV set to go off in one week as a negotiating tool.
732a. nor to aid in an intimidation roll.
732b. Or just to watch any enemy die in excruciating pain.
733. Lets just say no to the whole DMSO and Carcerands combo.

By "nothing," you must mean everything!

734: The Horizon-Doble Revolution was not invented by anyone named Mr. Garrison.
735: It does not matter if the Revoultion in question is the personal ride of a Leather Devils ganger, it does not have the same control configuration as the vehicle from that particular episode of South Park.

Oh you Psychotic Prankster!

736: Achievements, trophies, or any other sort of accomplishment system does not exist within ShadowRun.
736a: Even if there was, the "Luckiest Man Alive" achievement will not be to flip off every great dragon and survive.

Well that just sucks. I guess that means I should put those points in Exotic Weapon: Tesla somewhere else.



Ahh, The 'Ole Shady Sands Shuffle... really takes me back...

I am glad you got the reference. I loved playing that game. I may just get it out for old times sake. And yes I have done it in Shadowrun games too. That is why I am banned from any characters involving demolitions. The GM wanted a pink mohawk campaign, so I gave him one. Big movie like explosions galore. Of course, I was also a mage so with trid phantasm the explosion weren't always real.

737: I am not allowed to base my Catholic priest character on Father Ted Crilly, Father Dougal, or Father Jack Hackett.

However if your group wants to do a mass Elvis impersonation, that would be ok...

738: I am not allowed to attempt to turn the Earth into a Matrioshka brain for my AI character to live in.

739: I may not stunbolt the person we were supposed to capture and deliver to an inch of her life ever again.
739b: After said stunbolting and her shitting her paints due to a seizure., I may not attempt to rape her ever again.

740. I may not tell the fixer that we got a little carried away on our last assignment and that it was, in fact, us who started those race riots.
741. It doesn't matter if the rules allow it, I may not play a character with 40 dice to lie to people, and attempt to convince a major stockholder of Ares that I am their long-lost brother. And then succeed.
742. A good plan is not "Screw it, this too complicated, let's just blow out some major supports, torch the rest, and call it a day."

743. No matter how much I beg the GM, I may NOT implant a cyber-holdout in my eye-socket.
743a. And I definitely will not use this to give someone the "stink eye."

744. Despite it being technically possible, I am not allowed to get a penile implant on my forehead.
744a. I also cannot get breast implants on my buttocks.
744b. I am not allowed to get a penile implant on breast implants.

745: I'm not allowed to control actions on a 13 year old girl, and force her to run head-first into a car equipped with an security system that will shock her into unconciousness.

746. No matter what kind of skills I have I cannot make a brown noise gun.

747: I am never allowed to tae control of any aircraft, civilian or military ever again.
748: I am not allowed to have the codpiece gun from From Dusk Till Dawn.

Wouldn't it make or sence to make it into a jupiter brain?
How would you get enough materials to make a Matroshka? And wouldn't you need to inslave metahumanity and ecomplish the near impossible? (Though a jupitar brain would be easer)
If you got Dues and a few other AIs and a VERY powerfull mage like harlaquin or GD you could probibly come up with something I guese.

748A:Especially as a cyber-implant weapon.

749: I am NOT allowed to mod Trolls with a modular third cyber-limb/leg (loss of humanity)
750: I am NOT allowed to mod this third leg with casemodding so it's ribbed (Sanloss)
751: I am NOT allowed to mod this third limb with casemodding to add spikes (Sanloss)
752: I am NOT allowed to mod this third leg with casemodding to add electro-shock-pads (Sanloss)
753: I am NOT allowed to kick this third limb far enough up anybodys ass so they can suckle on it without problem. (Sanloss AND loss of Humanity!)
754: I am NOT allowed to mod Centaurs with an Under-Belly retractable Cyber-Gun of ANY kind!

We did that once, only we didn't blow the building because the job was too complicated. Blowing up the building was Plan A.




744c. Especially with the intent on having shitting dick nipples.



Exactly.

755. I am no longer allowed to take blood samples from team mates while they are on my operating table, store said blood, and in case of betrayal send a message to my mage contact to ritually fuck them up.
755a. Even if they had it coming.
755b. Even more so if they didn't have it coming.

756. I am not allowed to use my team mates as decoys.
757. I am not allowed to cut my team mates loose to the corps because they are amateurs.

I was a player in Survival of the Fittest and we were on a run to redecorate the penthouse of the Wuxing tower. Our ninja guy Zet (short for Zetsumei) went in under cover to gain intel. We didn't hear from him. After a few hours past his scheduled check-in, the team began to toss around ideas for a rescue. I, playing a decker/thief named Car, did a little hacking. I penetrated their executive personnel files and downloaded the dossiers of the top 15 people employed at the building. Then I transferred them to hardcopy, put them in my briefcase, and walked into the building and into the office of the HR director. I started laying down dossiers on his desk. Rather quickly I ended up in holding. Unfortunatley Zet wasn't there. I also discovered why he hadn't checked in. Apparently anything above the first floor was RF shielded. It was around this time that the rest of the team realized that Car had wandered off without telling anyone of his plans again. I broke out of the cell and met up with Zet. We started to try to sneak up to the penthouse, avoiding the copious alarms my departure from security set off. Suddenly the building began to quake and the air was filled with a deafening crescendo of alarms and explosions. It turned out that our close combat specialist, a dual-katana weilding nightmare named Tanitha, decided to 'screw it' and saturated the front of the building with rocket fire before driving the van into the lobby. Tanitha was rather well known for both her lack of patience and zeal for destruction. Our mage, Kildaire, and our merc, BC, stayed in the van laid down supression fire while Tanitha, Zet, me, and our shaman Max went up to do the job. The violence of the building attack combined with extraterritoriality meant that we were done before any organized security could intervene. We made it out and hijacked a large yacht and took it back to Seattle. Strangely enough, none of us were ever offered work in Hong Kong again. Go figure.

758. None of my characters with any ranks in ANY matrix skills are to allowed within 10 miles of a satellite.
758a. This increases exponentially for each of the following that the satellite has: Ion Cannons, Lasers, Nuclear weapon capabilities, or slefdestruct mechanisms.
758. I may no longer sell children
759a. Especially orphans
759b. or Body parts of the above
761. My troll is not allowed on farms or near livestock. (court order)
762. My sniper may never again have a target painter for anything mentioned in 758-758a.
763. I may no longer purchase a gimp suit for my dwarf. ever.
764. My street samurai may no longer perform emergency "surgery" with his Combat Ax, no matter how many ranks or specializations in blade he has.
765. I may no longer recognize elves as incarnations of Drizzt 'Do Urden, no matter how many ranks I have in Classic Fantasy Novels (spec. R. A. Salvatore)

765a. Nor will I reference SURGE victims as "jokers", no matter many ranks I have in Alternate History Fiction novels (spec. George RR Martin)

759. I will not levitate the unconscious troll for use as a shield.
759a. That goes double if "the unconscious troll" refers to our troll street sami.

766. My unarmed speciality cannot be luche libre
767. Shouting "la immigra" will not send jaguar guards running in fear.
768. No adding the oppostion to my p.2 network
769. No offering the faces "services" to security guards for access to a site.

767. I am not allowed to use personafix software and viagra on my team-mates so that they can star in the overnight BTL sensation, the "100 sheep insemination race" or "steers and queers"

768. My character's survival kit does not contain "Booty Sweat," nor does it contain "Bust-a-Nut Bars."

768a. Nor can it contain a mountain of novacoke and a M22A3

768b. Nor does it contain Reason.*

*Snowcrash reference

769: Any attempts to construct or acquire "Reason" will result in my being smacked by the GM. Repeatedly.

769 addendum: Common Sense, however, is encouraged.

770. It is generally a bad idea to make jokes about Steers and Queers when talking to Lone Star.
770a. Especially if I'm joking that the troll working for Lone Star is a steer, while his elf buddy is a queer.

757A.Except when aforementioned amateurs deserve it or otherwise compromise my own personal well being.

( 757B ) And even then my first choice will be a bullet in the back of their heads.

Reminded in another thread...

771. I will not have my force 9 earth spirit cause an earthquake as a distraction.

I am not allowed to sub-contract gangers to assault the local corp factory just so I can see where the gun ports are hidden.
I am not allowed to refer to the tamanous contact as 'my ghoul friend'.
I am not allowed to play a technomancer. If I do play a technomancer, I am not allowed to call him 'Iteration X'.
NERPS is not a weapon of mass destruction.
I am not allowed to play a class III SURGE character with the 'encephalopod' quirk. If I do play such a character, I am not allowed to name them 'Davy Jones'.
There are no vampire player characters.
I am not allowed to refer to corp cube farm drones as 'coppertops'.
I am not the One, no matter how good my technomancer gets.
I am not allowed to have Root privileges.
Dissonance is not our friend.
High explosives are not party favors. except when they are.
There is no rocker character archetype.
Do not 'razzie the azzie' during normal business hours.
I am not allowed to ask where he got those scars.
'bring them back alive' does not mean 'mostly'.

786: No characters based on Kinky Friedman.
787: I am not allowed to ever sing "Get Your Biscuits In the Oven and Your Buns In the Bed" at a Sie meeting again.

788. I am not allowed to base any of my characters on the following: Hitler, Stalin, the Pope, Sid Vicious, and/or Keith Richards
789. I am not allowed to play a punk band
790. I am not allowed to play with myself.
791. I am not allowed to have a character based on the archetype: band groupie.

792. My troll is not allowed to bust through the walls of a dive bar with a pitcher of beer in one hand and a mug in the other screaming "Oh yeah!"

OMG that's fantastic! LOL

793. I am not allowed to have the phys-adept kick security guards into the air
793a. Especially if I do so by saying "pull"
793b. and/or if I have a shotfun and want to go "skeet" shooting
794. The previous rule also goes for useless teammates.
795. I am not allowed to try and talk the entire group into playing shotgun wielding street sams so we can call ourselves "Team Shotfun."

796. I am NOT allowed to play a free Spirit Nazi Soldier from the Kampfgruppe Pfeiffer
797. I am NOT allowed to play said Character as a Necromancer Conjurer.
798. I am NOT allowed to have said Character summon another Spirit with "Gun of Choice here" as a chosen Form.
799. I am NOT allowed to have that Spirit-Gun possessed by another Spirit with the Wealth-Power to generate an endless Supply of silver bullets.
800. I am NOT allowed to tell other people to do something like this.

801. I may not name any run I am going on "Operation Smakaho," furthermore, there is no group in NAN called the "Smakaho Tribe."

802. I am not allowed to take turkey slap as an unarmed combat maneuver or specialty.
803. None of my characters are ever allowed to c reate designs for one shot machines used in runs that end in the lets "apult".