556. No longer allowed to ambush the PCs with picnic table-weilding Paris Hilton clones.
557. My NPC does not have the skill to use a Megalodon on a spit as an improvised weapon, even if it does sound really, really cool.

558. I will not refer to teammates as "party members".
559. Nor missions as "adventures".

560. I do not get more "xp" if I kill more Knight Errant Security
561. Or any other thing deemed an "enemy"

562. I'm not allowed to kill our Johnson after the mission is over to get some more "phat l00tz".
562b. I'm not allowed to use the phrase "phat l00tz" ever again.
563. Just because my character is West Philadelphia born and raised, does NOT mean I should tell everyone "On the playground is where I spent most of my days".

564. Absolutley no characters based on Minsc from Baldur's Gate. EVER.

564b. No summing the animal spirit in the form of a miniturized giant space hamster named Boo and ordering it to "Go for the eyes Boo!"


565. After a fouled run, drop off the players in Lagos a month later with no memory of the previous month, nanites that will activate and kill them if they don't completes the mission, and their guide is a Sasabondsman.

566. I am not allowed to "give the mouse a cookie" when referring to a rodent spirit.

567. I will NEVER declare a spirit I summon (or that anyone else summons) to appear as a purple dinosaur, giant yellow bird, or semi-anthropomorphized green frog. EVER.
568. The answer to any given question is NOT 42. Or 43, for that matter.
569. I will not (as a GM) ever place large pieces of armor, weaponery, or sacks of money on/in the bodies of animals to be 'looted' by players.
570. I will never have to 'tank' a 'raid boss', and worry about 'healz' because the 'DPS' isn't doing its 'pew-pew'. And am I ever so glad...

571. I am not allowed to make any characters who have FBT (Full Body Tourettes)
571a. Or based on ANY character from Crank

572: I am not allowed to specialise in heavywepons(BFG)
573: I cannot make a cybersamuria with the battlecry "BOO YAA!"
574: Or "Go Go Gaget"
575: I cannot attempt to recreat KITT, or anything from nightrider.
576: My rigger cannot attempt anything that happend in "Dukes of Hazard" (That show rocks)
577: When my car is totaled after a high speed chase I cannot take it to my loyatly 5 mechanic contact named "Cooter"
578: The Cake is a lie.

What!? That just isn't fair! I just bought a personafix for my drone rigger's uber van! How would it NOT be KITT's fatter older brother!?

579. I'm not allowed to be upset when the cybered attack dogs outside of the target facility ignore by my genius beggin' strip/aluminum foil cocktail distraction.

580. No more cybered Surge-freaks who put 32 grenades downrange per combat round. And hit thanks to airburst.

581. I am not allowed to use the SURGE rules to create any of the Biker Mice From Mars
582. Or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
583. I am in no way allowed to attempt to create GeeKeR as a PC in any form.

The cake is truth, that you get any is the lie.

I think we've covered the cake and lies a few times already here...

584: Not allowed to make a dino-themed character (again)
584a: No kobolds, either
584b: Drakes are in the 'hell no' category
584c: Nothing with scales. Period.

585: I am not to do anything likely to be added to this list.

586: I have not been allowed to run Shadowrun since 1995 as a GM, the reasons for which will remain unmentionable and unspoken for the rest of our natural lives.

*casts Mind Probe to find out*

287. No characters based off David Bowie or Prince.
288. No rockers at all really.
289. While hirlarious a gak cannon is not a practical weapon.
290. Noone from any of the Austin Powers movies.

Zip it!

591. I am not allowed to have a troll who uses a sledgehammer and incorporates the word hammer into his name an yell "Stop! Hammer time!" every time he acts.

592. I'm no longer allowed to play the song "Baby Got Back" whenever the team encounters a female dwarf, ork, or troll whether the female does or does not "Got Back".
592a. I'm not allowed to play that song when encountering female humans or elves that also "Got Back".
592b. It is not a compliment to play that song when encountering African American human females.
592c. I'm not allowed to play that song when encountering male character with huge posteriors either.

593. I am not allowed to base a character off of Vincent Rubio (the velociraptor PI in Casual Rex) or any other character.
593a. ESPECIALLY Circe, who is not only drop dead sexy in scales, but has tailored pheromones that smell of exotic spices.

594. You are not allowed to create a wank character.*

*A wank character is a character of the opposite sex that you mentally nasturbate over. Identifiying features are porn star looks, porn star behaviour, and usually spend more time going through sultry behavior preluding on full sex. If a scene can be turned into porn it will be.

But I mentally nasturbate over all my characters. What? I have a 'PnP written character' fetish.

595: My Adept does not gain any additional powers from sporting an Afro or any other distinct hairstyle.
596: The spell is called Manabolt, not Kamehameha.
597: Or Nabehameha, for that matter.

Hadoken?

598: Just because the UCAS has incorporated parts of Canada does not mean that the UCAS now has branches of their military that are armed with hockey sticks and moose.

599. No playing a game with the same type of dice as another player.
600. No posting a rule to post a rule barring me from posting rule 600.

598 a. I am not allowed to play an awaked moose with special forces experience

601. I'm not allowed to fire splash grenades filled with various hallucinogens into dance clubs
602. No shooting the party face with grenades
603. No grenades!
604. Don't mess with my guns and I won't mess with yours.

Fixed.

v

Why would I worry about Knids? I've got a glass elevator!

Please refer back to rule # 558

605. As a rigger I will not personafix any of my vehicles to resemble the characters of Cars.
606. I will not add a persona to any weapon to make it resemble weapons from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"
606 a. I will not add voices to my bullets, and have them speak like Texans as they are enroute to target.

607. I'm not permitted to have a fixer named 'Ralphie' ever again.
608. I'm not permitted to monologue about a club sandwich a cold Mexican beer or 10,000 nuyen/night hookers.
609. When taking our cybered out stripper street sam to the Street Docs to get patched up I'm not longer permitted to state that I'm "going to get Cherry 2000 fixed up." (if she was conscious I would have been hit)

610. I'm not permitted to negotiate hostage situations any longer. Apparently when the bad guy informs you he has 7 hostages, shooting one of them then looking to him and saying "Now you have 6, and I still have 14 bullets in my gun, how's your math Sparky?" is not how the situation is meant to be handled. (Who knew?)

*Makes Notes* Really now? Huh, didn't know that one.

611. I am not allowed to take "Vomit" as an Exotic Ranged Weapon skill.

612. Nor fling poo.

613. When the PCs are low on supplies I'm no longer permitted to have a creepy guy in a blue longcoat, standing next to a blue torch flag them over and offer to sell them supplies by repeating "Whad're ya buyin'?" "Whad're ya sellin?" and consistently refer to them all as 'Stranger'. (Kudos to anyone who gets the reference, I had the table floored with a brief intermission while we waited for pizza one evening.)

No, that's an adept power.

No, THAT's FIGHTERDOKEN!

614. I am NOT allowed to build a full-Body-cyber-replacement with a pair of PPK's in the Arms and call it a Warhawk.(i am afraid only germans/battletech-players might get this one)

614: "What the GM doesn't want me to know" is not an acceptable knowledge skill.
614a: Even if it were, I cannot take the aptitude quality to have 7 in that skill.
615: "Because I read it in a book" is not an acceptable argument to persuade a GM to let you start with a skill of 7
616: I am not allowed to have a canid shapeshifter Adept, with a transforming car.
616a:Even if allowed, his name cannot be "Penry" "Hong Kong Phooey" or "Number One Super Guy."
617:I cannot have a Dwarf (Gnome Variant) adept who wields two daggers, and is clinically insane.
617a: Especially if his name is "Belkar"
617b: Even if allowed, he is not "a sexy, shoeless, god of war."

Yay! Kudos for me!

So tempted by that now

618: "Seattle public bathroom location" is not an acceptiable knowledge skill

618b. Neither is "Secret underground lairs."

619: No PCs based on any character ever played by Sasha Baron Cohen.
620: There is no traditional Kazakh folk song called "Throw the Elf down the well."

621: Absolutley no characters based on anyon from The Red Green Show.
622: The same goes for any character from Trailer Park Boys.
622a: This goes double for Jim Lahey, Bubbles, or Ricky.
622b: None of my characters may have a dual personality that is a demented ventriliquist's dummy.

Ahh, man! And I was already at #768 on the "1001 uses for duct tape on a run" list! I guess that means my ninja-assassin has to change his street name away from "The Handymans' Secret Weapon" too. Well, fudge.

LOL
623) Not allowed to name my PC Hugh Jourgen.
623a) Not allowed to have my Mr. Johnson contact's real name Hugh Jourgan.

622c:One does not name the spirits you've bonded Darryl, Darryl, Darryl and Darryl.
622c1. Especially if they are different types.

623: I am not allowed to pour rubber cement or superglue down a hacker's datajack as a prank
624: I am not allowed to use superglue to bind people's hands when lacking rope or cuffs.
625: I am not allowed to superglue an empty pistol into a johnson's hands and push him out the door and into a group of lonestar.