804. I am not allowed to use medtech skills to create a biodrone excrement cannon.

805: I am not allowed to play a Death Mage (IHPG)
806: A banzai Sangre Del Diablos is not an acceptable houseplant
807: Jauchekafers are not radroaches
808: I am not allowed to make SURGEd rabbits that make Drop Bears cry
809: I am no longer allowed to use Arsenal to make a fully automatic Streetline Special
810: My hacker is not allowed to text AFK when the team needs him to disable security
811: Exorcising possesion spirits does not involve a Bowflex
812: I am not allowed to make a character with bicardiac, photographic memory, and 6 in all technical skills
812a: Shadowrun does NOT have sonic screwdrivers
813: I cannot have a pirate named Dread Bob
814: I cannot make a zombie security company called Corpse Sec
815: I am not allowed to make a sam specialized in monofilament chainsaws
815a: I am certainly not allowed to call him Ripper

816. No characters based on Voldo from Soul Caliber
817. Or a any of the Hitchhiker's books
818. The weirding way is not an adept path
819. But Twist did it is no excuse for in game actions
820. Shooting someone in the face is not what Jesus would do

821. I am not allowed to make monofilament chainsaw nunchucks, no matter how "bitchin awesome!" they would be.
821a. Not even if I spend the karma for "Exotic Weapon: Bitchin awesome monofilament chain-chucks"

...aaaannd I have my next character concept.

822: I am no longer allowed to blow up the place were hitting just for the fun of it.
822a: I am however allowed to blow shit up for the fun of it after the run, as long as its not anything that will bring lonestar down on them.
822b:Ya right.
823: I am not longer allowed to creat a group theamed after "artemis fowl"

824: I am not allowed to combine Increased Attribute (Logic), Genetic Optimization (Logic), PuSHeD, Neocortical nanties rating 3, Restricted gear for cerebral enhancers 3, and then get 1 point in every logic based skill.
824a: I may not then write under skills: All logic based skills, DP of 16.
825: There is no Knowledge (everything) skill I can take 6 ranks of to get 21 dice on any knowledge related test (Even if I am willing to have high thresholds)

826: But I am allowed to do the same for Agility. Go figure...

Bravo, crash2020!

812b. Nor hyper-spanners. Especially left-handed ones.
812c. I will NOT make a K-9 style drone, bio or otherwise.
812d. I will NOT repaint any of my vehilces Police Box Blue, put a flashing white light on the top, & make it do "wwrrrooorrrrpppp" noises. This is not conducive to stealth.
812e. My major foe is NOT called "The Master".
812f. None of the drones that are attacking are called Daleks nor Cybermen.

812g. Nor am I allowed to call my drones Daleks or Cybermen (even if they are humanoid (bio)drones).

812h. I may not refer to my spirits as "companions". Nor explain things to them, for the benefit of others.

813. I am not allowed to wear a stalk of celery on my lapel.

812i: Nor may I call my beast spirit Chewie or Chewbacca.
814: I may not make a multi node scurity system with 20 nodes, more than half of which contain nothing but IC and serve as choke points.

814. The gymnastics skill doesn't prepare me to use a monofilament ribbon as part of my "routines".
815. Never refer to the Face as Ms. Humpadump Fancybottom.
816. Do not use Turn to Goo just to steal people's cyberware implants for black market resale.
816b. This is especially true when done to team mates.
817. Ritualistically and brutally murdering hundreds of kidnapped children in the hopes of becoming the focal point of a massive mana warp is not a legitimate plan for bypassing magical security.

Since when?

818: I am no longer allowed to use anything related to final fantasy 7 when I gm shadowrun.

819: I am no longer allowed to make any npc's or PC based of this said game.

820: I am no longer allowed to let my players play characters with a notoriety of 20 in my games any more.

821. I am no longer permited to created a security colourcoded underground arcology filled with lazer weilding personel in which everyone has had personafix to obey "Friend Computer"

822. Dear daddy, I am not allowed to make every sentence come to an incestual or sexual subtext. Including this one.

Sure not all of them, a few is sufficient.

823. It does not matter if you control one. It does not matter if you are possessed by one. It does not matter if you are playing a (free) one. NO WATCHER SPIRIT MAY EVER UTTER THE WORDS "Hey! Listen!"

824. I am not allowed to make sr characters based on Travis Touchdown.

You know we got off the numbering--to many returns to rule #812

My apologies.

825. Players do not appreciate failing the same mission over and over because their worst enemy is Futurama's hypno-toad.

825b. I will NOT allow a paracritter that is based off of the Hypno-Toad.
825c. ALL HAIL HYPNO-TOAD.
825d through 825z. ALL HAIL HYPNO-TOAD. (auto-edited for length and repetition)

826. I may not ever attempt to create a character who specializes in the martial arts style Deja-Fu
826b. Because Lu-Tze never taught any of the monks Deja-Fu
826c. I may not use Lu-Tze as a character (PC or NPC).

827: Panther XXL Autocannons are not toys.
828: I am not to voice my Ork PC with a very bad cockney accent.

229: The rigger is not a "Shofer"
230: I am no longer allowed to tag our johnson sneak into his room at night, sedate him, and than have a cranial bomb implanted than put him back in his bed. "just in case"
231: I am no longer allowed to use any of the riggers drones, vechials, or otherwise exepnsive and shiny stuff to tamp my explsoives.
232: I cannot leave a item rigged up to look like a bomb with the words "BOMB" written on it at every single site that we hit.
233: That goes for "Play Dough" made to look like plastic explosives.
234: As a GM I am not allowed to have the PC's try and steal the animus.
235: Nor are they to be sent after the peace of edan.
5 bonus points if you get the refrence

LOL, Assassin's Creed.

I am no longer allowed to say "Zug zug" while playing an orc.
I am no longer allowed to look for any references to W.A.S.T.E. in the Matrix.
I am no longer allowed to use French Poodles as melee weapons. Poodle-chuks were a bad idea, anyway.
I am no longer allowed to bring any books written or co-written by Ian Hogg to the table.
I am no longer allowed to write "free candy" on the Rigger's van.
I am no longer allowed to create any Dickens-themed personas. Ever.
I am no longer allowed to ask my Johnson when his megacorp is going to start looking for Atari's landfill of ET cartridges.
I am no longer allowed to make Princess Bride references.
I am no longer allowed to carry coconuts, especially into NAN territory.
I am no longer allowed to open my mouth in the presence of a bear shaman.
I am no longer allowed to say "This would have never happened in 2nd Edition."

Shemp, Curly, Shemp, Joe, Curly Joe. If I forget this sequence, my character will have 18D Stun damage inflicted to the eyes. (as of 3rd Ed.)

I am no longer allowed to let my physical adept make any hand gestures after using a longbow.
I am no longer allowed to load squirrels into any sort of launcher.
I am no longer allowed to forget the name of the colonial general at Yorktown.
I am no longer allowed to use the phrase "Boom, headshot" as a centering ritual.

Mudkips are not a totem.

In the words of our Johnson during an extraction: "Just because he's a horse doesn't mean he can't be a porn star."

856. I am no longer allowed to code RFID tags to:
-856a. Produce a "Kick Me" ARO, then stick it on the Johnson's back.
-856b. Play "Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto," then stick it on the street sammy's back.
-856c. Play "Kerncraft 400" by Zombie Nation, then stick it on a corp wageslave's back.
-856d. Produce a "Crying Indian Commercial" ARO, then stick it on the Amerindian smuggler's back.
-856e. Produce a "Kilroy was here" ARO, then stick it on a corp wall.
-856f. Ditto "All Your Base Are Belong To Us."
-856g. Produce a "Lolcat" ARO for any reason
-856h. Ditto "Free Candy!"
-856i. Do any of the above in a run against Horizon, despite how ironic it would be.
857. I am no longer allowed to make called shots to the groin with Stick'n'Shock rounds.
858. I am no longer allowed to hide level 6 tranq patches in my hand when shaking hands.
859. I am no longer allowed to play a black hitman with a 'fro who quotes a specific verse from the Bible. Nor will I carry around a mysterious briefcase that has a golden glow when opened.
-859a. It was NOT a fucking miracle, and I do NOT want you to fucking acknowledge it.
-859b. I have NOT had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane.
-859c. I will NOT go around gushing "AK-97. When you absolutely, positively have to kill every single motherfucker in the ROOM, accept no substitutes."

I am not allowed (as a GM) to kill anymore pc's in an elevator................often

Its pretty bad when the GM does, though. Especially involving mutant rats.

861: Even if you are a troll, an LMG is not a "Sidearm"
862: Sniper Rifles are not "The Poor man's Panther assault cannons."
863: It doesn't matter if I have millspec armor, a riot shield, and a huge BOD rating, I am still not a "tank" and it is unwise to stand in front of someone just to hold their "aggro."
864: I am no longer to summon force 10 beast spirits to fetch me a coke from the fridge.
865: Shooting people is usually a last resort. It is certainly not how one 'introduces' themselves. Most of the time anyway.
866: When meeting the Yakuza Oyabun, the Yakuza might take offense if I unexpectedly whip out an Ares Alpha and point it at him, "Just to show him."
866b: Even if there is no ammo in it.
866c: Doubly True for HMGs (even if you do find a way to conceal it.)

862a: They are the smart man's Panther assault cannon.
862b: Only better.

Makes me want to throw Army of TWO in the PS3. Love that game on co-op.

867: I am not allowed to have my nigh-indestructable character with dermal plating and a Body of 13 for damage purposes engage in russian roulette with a colt asp again.

lol i can see:
"ok here we go"
drunk face "eeee" -click- "wooot"
"me next" sais the combat mage"-click- "oh-k"
the tick "ok here we go" -pop- "guhh" as he slumps {player "WHAT 10 ones and no sucesses after 7 hits to hit???!!!?"}

heheh


Edit: also i think russian roulette is a bad idea in general

I got the idea after watching
I immediately thought of my character John, who is really, really tough. He has, in the past, taken a super warhawk round at point-blank range, without dodging, and unarmored. He blinked.

My mental image:

hehe thats rockin too then john would say i win because im alive and the other dude probly couldnt argue much....

i guess i should add another one

868: Im not allowed to base my character concept on 1 really cool trick like being a blind sniper or a 12ft tall death bot or being able to run at 45 miles per hr althou if i was a blind 12ft tall robot sprinter it might be ok then agian it may be hard to find employemnt


edit: hust incase it hasent been mentioned
869: shapededexplosives arent and cannnot be shaped like roses
869a you shouldnt give c12 roses to your johnson as an imsorry gift after you botched a run
869b or crazy ex girlfriends eather

You forgot "The cake is a lie"

870: No matter how awesome it was in the movie Slumdog Millionaire, I am no longer allowed to pull the "Chillis on his willy" trick on any of my fellow PCs.

891. Though shall not ride the rigger's dalmation or other large arial drone yelling yeehaaww, and waving a cowboy hat.
891a. Especially if the drone is a nuclear weapon.

Warlord, I love your sig. I've been useing the line from #2 for quite some while not rembering where I saw it.

392: I am NOT, under any circumstances, to build a character with a Hardware skill of 6, and knowledges of 5 in Spirits AND Nuclear Physics.
392b: Most certainly am not allowed to use said character to put an extremely large power source on my back and make a "lightning gun."
392c: Absolutely not allowed to use said gun to shoot spirits while shouting "Bustin' makes me feel good!"
392d: Said character will positively not be allowed to have the runner name Egon, Ray, Winston, Peter, or Spengler.

You probably remember it because it is from a song from the Steve Miller band.

Come on, take the money and run!
Come on, take the money and run!

Wow, I'm feeling old now...

892? sorry haven't been keeping up!

892. My min/maxed character will never again be a wheelchair bound mage specializing in mental control and telepathy.
893. My min/maxed character will never again be a wheelchair bound physicist.
894. Paraplegic does not fit into the disadvantages. The game is shadow-RUN, not shadow-PUSH.

I think I covered those--albeit with a different wording--a while back.

895: As a GM I cannot underhandedly attempt to over the course of a campaign recreat the plot of the first season of Heros
896: That goes doubly so for as a player
897: I am not allowed to monologe to the city.
897a: If I do monologe I cannot do it from a building top looking down.
898: As a TM I cannot find a way to hack a sattleight or other means of mass brodcast to simultaniusly preach to/Insult/indocternate/hypontyse everyone with a comlink in seattle simultaneously.
899: I am not allowed to attempt to creat the borg collective, even though their are about ten ways to do it useing the SR setting.
900:I am not allowed to post on this thread when sleep deprived, as the ratio of funnyness and relevincy per idea decreases expondetly. As dose mye speeling am me grammer.
(but my vocabulary increases, oddly enough.)

901. I am not allowed to play a Fire and Brimstone preacher.
902. I am not allowed to solo "Satan," just because the GM doesn't know the magic rules.
903. I am not allowed to play a hacker, rigger, or technomancer (just because the GM doesn't know the Matrix rules).
904. I will not take cover (unless needed), because it screws up the cimematic feel of the gunfights (and the GM doesn't know the combat rules).
905. I will not Assence every person I meet.
905A. Nor will I roll "Sense Motive" every time.
905B. Nor am I allowed to use my psychic powers on the GM, to figure ou the entire plot (inside of 5 minutes), to avoid Assencing and/or "Sensing Motive"

Life is rough.