onlyghostdanceswhiledrunk
Dec 30 2011, 06:35 PM
@Jones: I like the archetype concept but to me it seems that you have several plot line inconsistencies/ 4th wall breakers that I think need to be sorted out first:
Background Stuff:
For myself there are several items in your background that tend to shatter the suspension of disbelief and it would help your character alot to see them resolved.
1. I see that you are explaining your skill (apparently an average skilled PROFESSIONAL demolitionist) by learning it with chemicals stolen from your father's lab. To me, especially with the comfy corp wageslave life that you seem to have been in the process of living/inheriting I can understand acting out through vandalism etc etc but given Renraku's ZZ policies your background breaks down due to your father giving you access to the chemicals/ you being given access to the chemical lockers in these facilities (which as we all know, the japanacorps are ferociously protective over). I highly doubt your father would have survived the second attempt at making bombs and weapons etc inside or even close to a corp enclave.
2. The frequent business flights overseas means your parents were fairly high up in the pecking order, at the very least high-powered department heads or executives (not even middle managers) given the prevalence of the Matrix (and the preeminence of telecommuting for all but the most powerful) (even if as it appears, you were born before (approximately around the year 2045 if my calculations about your storlyine are correct (born 2045 would put you in 1st grade around 2050 or '51, in HS about 2058, in the Institute about 2060 or '61, graduating and being transferred in or before '64)) and grew up in the post 64 crash and the dates after that). Security would have been even tighter on your behavior given the mantra of business is family which is endemic to that corp's outlook.
2a. To put that in perspective for you I have a few points to mention about another separate but related break in the 4th wall with your hiring and involvement with MCT.
- you are a member family of renraku during the Fuchi split which ultimately costs renraku a Corporate Court seat (mar26 2060, Chandria dies, convoluted process later Catco comes up with the bag but more importantly as a result of this loss, fuchi shares that had been snapped up by Renraku are now snagged shiawase (Korin Yamana of Fuchi announces his marriage to Mitsuko Shiawase of Shiawase Envirotech. ) At this point in time its a major battening of hatches and Renraku wouldnt be letting any sort of assets (even pawns) leave their eroding holdings.
- MCT and Renraku don't like each other, even if they are part of the Pacific Prosperity Group (founded jun 8 2059) (though I think with the shutdown and the fallout from the ark incident which you would have lived through (dec 19th 2059) youd have been even more restricted from joining another corp, especially a japanacorp.
- because your family was part of an extraterritorial megacorp there would have been absolutely zero chance that you went to publicly available education and instead you would be part of the corporate family based (and totally mindwashed) education system.
3. In your backstory I see alot of reasons for good computer/ corp etiquette skills but not much else to explain your apparent mastery of the stealth group (above average professional) or your subpar (but still professional skills) of throwing weapons and forgery (though that's not as big of a deal).
4. I like the short bit where you talk to the doc and intro your implant flaw but I find the following part of two wageslaves (with as you said earlier, a stable and lucrative career (keeping in mind that you are a product of a very risk aversive corporate family in a risk averse corp) conspiring to commit an act of treason by spying on and delving into the corporate cyber department.
5. The yakuza being on site doesnt make sense even if you ignore that you probably wouldnt have had a chance working for MCT as MCT has always kept them at arms length, even in the whole Tsimshan debacle. Also, how did your character know what a silenced SMG even sounded like given that he was never in contact with the weapons, as well as the question that pops out about how he identified the yakuza so well when he was ostensibly not exposed to any major criminal elements?
6.If he's so valuable to the corp that owns him (make no mistake they really do own their people) how did he make it out of the corp enclave surrounding the park?
7.If he's part of MCT, I can see him being given skillwires but how did he develop his other skills as they are known for just using people like drones; plugging in new skills as needed and dumping them off when they wear out.
8. If he did work for MCT and was a loyal wageslave how would it even occur to him that his family (as the japanese practice that business is family) would have set up a hit on such an esteemed fatherly colleague?
9. Later in the part after he escapes to his friend's house (who apparently lets out that hes a fixer, even though it would be obvious to him that with yaks involved he might have incentive to keep his nose clean), you reference his skills gained as a security guard, to my mind the described portion which you show him being a rent-a-cop, dont give him enough experience to count as a skilled security guard.
The Character Sheet:
Flaws:
1. flaws look ok but realize that in a persistent world thread like this with your current background in 1 or possibly 2 megas you will be accorded the effects of the records on file, Sinner and criminal sin (each corp respectively) flaws but you will not have the bp to show for them. You're character isnt an isolated object in vacuum so make sure it plays like one in a connected world.
Contacts:
1. These look ok but keep in mind you only get to make up their background and connection/ loyalty ratings, the GM can take your wishes into account but statting them will never apply and you can't count on them to have the same stats (be it more or less in different areas) that you post them having.
Cyber/bio:
1. You explained where you got the vision on and ears but nothing else and those are major pieces that need explaining both on how they got there, how you paid for them etc.
2. How do you feel now that you are more (or less) human?
Gear:
1. Where did you get all of it? That is a fairly good set of specialized and expensive goodies. It had to come from someone.
2. What type of lifestyle do you have? Where do you live? etc.
Havent counted your bp yet but will be doing so sometime today.
To clarify, I love the character concept but I'd like it to mesh with the RAW and what we have in the game world as much as possible before you get your feet wet.
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